So i'm finally all done remodelling! Yay for me! Actually, i just wasted about 4 hours doing this stupid page... 5 hours that i couldve spent studying. I'm a horrible procrastinator. Horrible. I can't figure out some things, so for now, there will only be two posts at a time on the page. If you miss some posts, you can always check out the archives to find them. But i doubt that you would want to do that..lol..i'm boring! time to work now! luv ya!

time for a remodelling. after i get everything else done. i'm tired. the fire alarm rang this morning at 2:15 am. So, we began the descent from the 23rd floor of the rez. Imagine. 1100 students walking down the stairs. I don't even think there's a purpose to that. If there ever is a real fire, I'm for sure going to die, because seriously, a snail could scooch down faster than us students did this morning. Next time i'm staying in my room. Regardless of whether or not there's a fire. So i got back into bed by 2:45...grabbed another hour and 15 minutes of sleep..and biked to rowing. YUM. I'm a feeling sleepy.

(_ _)...Zzzz...

I did laundry for the first time ever! *lol*....i had to do 4 loads!!! BLARGH!!! The laundry room didn't open until today..and so, I had a whole month's worth of laundry...

Sometimes, I feel as though we still live in the same time period as when people began to claim that the world was round. It seems like such a long time ago that people were shunned because they claimed that the world was round. Some people have rose-coloured glasses on. The world isn't flat people! Perspectives of people in the church are so closed off. Christians in general ( not all..but most) have this IDEAL--this perfect vision of the way things are, and they like it to stay that way. Don't believe me? I can count the number of times that i've been in a church that has talked about sex. Or drugs. Or gambling. How many times have our pastors talked about homosexuality? Yes..i've heard sermons on homosexuality. The gist of it? Homosexuality is bad. And yes, as Christians, we shouldn't condone homosexuality. Does that mean we shun homosexuals? We focus so much on one aspect that we forget the other aspects. We forget that you can still love the person, without loving and condoning sin. Jesus loved the prostitute and the leper. Jesus loves us. We choose to believe that all the girls in the church are pure, and don't spread their legs at night. We choose to believe that church goers don't smoke. We choose to ignore these issues--because by prying deeper, we find that it hurts. We find that our glasses are actually tinted rose coloured. We find that the world isn't perfect. And that the world really isn't flat after all.

We haven't moved past the days when females were exiled out of the city when they had their periods, because they were dirty. We haven't moved past the days of leper colonies. We strive for this perfect utopia, and we've managed to believe that we've created it. But we haven't. Too many things have been swept under the rug. Our foundations are not secure. The walls are cracking. There's a drip in the pipe, but it's about to burst forth with gushing water.

Does our quest for this utopia mean that we should ignore and bypass these issues? Does that mean we ignore the fact that we could potentially have a prostitute who is struggling in our midst? By doing this, we don't eliminate the problems. We don't help people who are struggling with issues in their lives get past it. We tell ourselves that Jesus will heal all wounds. And yes. He will. But how does he heal when we refuse to acknowledge what is swept under the rug? We can't remain static and unchanging forever. To a certain extent, Christians have to change too. This is not to say that we should diverge away from the Word. This isn't what i'm saying at all. I'm just saying that we have to learn to acknowledge certain things. We need to learn to talk about issues in our world. We need to show the world that we aren't just a bunch of brainwashed, sheltered and cold people, who don't know anything about what impacts the lives of our non-christian brothers and sisters.

Open up your eyes guys. The world is staring at us in the face.

Just a little update on the party...

Anja and I went to the rowing party..not really wanting to go. After all, we aren't drinkers and we don't party. However, it turned out to be a pretty fun night--probably one of the most fun I've had here in Toronto so far...it even beats out some fun nights in Edmonton.

So when we got there, the first activity was a beer drinking contest. Not being a drinker, it was totally hilarious to watch these people guzzle down the beer. The human body is so fascinating; its amazing how much beer people can chug down in less than a second. That being done, most people were getting fairly drunk. Time for the initiation ceremony.

the task: perform a hawaiian dance for all the senior rowers in the public park ( mind you, it was 11:30 at night). Banana, orange, pineapples (only certain Edmonton people will get that...and after today, Anja and Kate). It was rather embarassing.2nd task: Run to Bathurst station and St. George station and collect as many transfer tickets in one minute as possible. We got 120 tickets. Not to shabby eh? 3rd task: buy 3 tropical fruits ( we bought mango, pineapple and kiwis)
Doesn't seem to bad...and it wasn't. It was totally fun. Oh yeah..we had to do this with all members of a group holding on to a canoeing paddle. People on the TTC ( subway) must've thought we were totally crazy.

All in all...a pretty fun night. Way better than I expected which was totally SNAZZERIFIC!

Yay..our crew got a second place finish!!!!A second place finish...in a race with only 2 boats!Its funny how sometimes you can twist words around and make things seem better than they really are.

blogger is working again baby.I have to go to a rowing party tonight. I really actually don't want to go. Everyone knows i'm not a partier...and definitely not a drinker. Nevertheless, its an initiation party, and therefore all the new crew members must attend. BLARGH. At least I will be able to laugh at all the drunk people.

Why is it that drinking is such a "cool" thing in our society? I don't find anything cool about a) intoxicating your body b) getting fat..because beer is fatty, and c) getting drunk and making a fool out of yourself.

Now..after this quick intermission, its back to the regular programming of studying for yours truly!

I can't wait to be free from this life of mindless sin....

me..I want to be a child of faith, but what my heart wants most, my body turns away...

why do i let my pride decide everytime?

Let me draw from your strength...and bathe in your grace

It takes so much to drop me to my knees...
~Excerpts from Jill Paquette's Take my Life

I don't find Christianity. A lot of the time, we put on this face that says, " yep...i'm totally cool with all of this." When people ask us how we are doing, we answer, " Fine". But the truth is, a lot of the time we aren't fine. It takes so much for me to give up my control. To leave it to Him to do the work. Its so hard to not let my pride interfere.

Easy isn't what i'd call this...
The more i try to make this happen, the less it's clear to me..
.Sometimes its hard to live this way...
What are the answers gonna be?
I wanna grab a hold of something to give me some security...
When everything i pray for is not your will for me...
~Excerpts from Jill Paquette's Sometimes Yes, Sometimes No


Far beyond my deepest heart's desire
Far beyond what I could ever dream...
Is your perfect plan for me..
author of love shapes my destiny...
If all my dreams were answered, they still could not compare
to the beauty of your ways, and all your plans for my life..
You've been scripting out a story for me
before the very foundations of time....

It seems so out of reach..

its all i think about sometimes...

Maybe these thoughts seem foolish to a Holy God...

You know all my hopes and fears...

~Excerpts from Eric and Leslie Ludy's Far Beyond

I'm still SOOOO not used to this lack of a car. I miss Betty ( my '86 standard corolla)...i mean she wasn't beautiful or anything...but she was definitely an old friend. Good for getting places. I WANT A MOPED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Actually i want the 2003 Honda Jazz ( or Metropolitan..for all the americans out there). Everyone here drives mopeds. I hate walking. I'm such a lazy fart. Today I took the TTC 1 stop..just so i would eliminate 15 minutes of walking.

Is this why our global society is more and more becoming comprised of corpulent farts like me? Everything has become automated. Gone are the days of CRAZY FUN standard driving ( except for car nuts like me..who recognize that driving standard is WAY better than driving automatic), manual "wind-down" windows, walking, and snail mail. In their places are pieces of "smart" machinery that does our jobs for us. No wonder most of us have nothing better to do than go to mickey dees, eat 20 nuggets and get fat. * innocent look*o(^-^)oWe create machines to exercise on...instead of exercising in the outdoors. How many kids go outside to play..how many children ( myself included) dance in the rain, play with mud, draw on the sidewalks with stones?

The information revolution has created a breed of soggy, sleepy, corpulent beasts. I fear that I am one of them ?????

I swear...Cassiah (yup..i named my laptop) is jinxing me. Everytime i bring her to school, it begins raining cats and dogs. SERIOUS man... and I STILL don't have an umbrelly!

deej..i think you were right. An umbrella would be a very good..no..make that a GREAT investment.

On a slightly more serious note though, its amazing how walking in the rain helps one clear their head and makes them think. As I walked down St. George street and then onto College Street, the rain was refreshing. It also gave me a chance to ponder over my anger yesterday night. I don't even know why I was so angry at him. Perhaps hurt, converted to anger, would be a better word. I don't like the fact that it seems that for him, I was just another girl he thought he could add to his list, but in reality that shouldn't change things. It doesn't change the fact that he became my friend this summer, nor does it change the fact that he gave me good advice. It doesn't change the fact that I got to learn more about him as a person, or that I enjoyed him as a friend. Even knowing that to him, all I was was another potential score in the game he plays. Who knows? Maybe it isn't true, and he actually values our friendship. I've done my fair share of stupid things to my friends and so in that respect, I can't judge him. Therefore, he can think whatever he wants about my feelings for him. Its not like i'm losing out on anything. Its his friendship that counts right? So while i was angry last night, i think those feelings have now evaporated..along with the rain outside.

I had a relatively good day today...UNTIL this evening...but that will come later.

This morning i woke up and went to NCAC for morning church. I had a good time...watching Francis and Mitchell act like the people on Jackass. They were flipping people onto other couches by jumping onto a couch. Good times.
I came back and decorated Tania's room because it was her b-day today while Mari distracted her.
Then I went to Freedomize with Deej and Chung. It was SOOOO good. I loved it.Then we went to mickey dees where i ate 20 nuggets. All i have to say is..regardless of them laughing at me... THAT FELT GOOOOOOOOOODD.

However, after mickey dees we had this conversation, and because of it..i'm pissed.

You don't even know i'm talking about you..but seriously, your ego pisses me off. You can't get every girl you try to get, and you HAVEN'T gotten me to fall into your trap..REGARDLESS of what you think. Just because you've gotten all these cookie cutter girls to fall in love with you..realize that I'm NOT a cookie cutter and I refuse to be one. Why do you think I've rejected so many guys? I just thought you were my friend and that I was your friend. Apparently, you seem to think that I have fallen into your trap and that I do "love you". Yeah. Well, nope. I'm not your ordinary type of girl. You can't play your games with my heart and think you will win it. You haven't. Don't assume you've won me over when you haven't. You're my friend. That's it. Sorry if i sound mean and harsh. I'm not sorry for what i'm saying, but i am saying sorry for how i'm saying it. I sound mean. You probably don't read this anyways. I'm just pissed off royally. If you do read this and know who you are...call me or e-mail me or something. Unless I'm not worth it. Which is FINE.Was I just a pawn in all of this? You may have played the game..and thought you won. But really you haven't won anything. Unless you feed off of the unhappiness of the girls you know. Do you? I can't tell. Why am I so hurt by all of this? I don't even know. I can't even answer that question. Maybe because thats all i meant to you. Another girl you could score... I actually thought you were my friend. Not some girl you could add to your list. But thats all it was wasn't it. Am i totally wrong here? Am i being that bitch that I was in Edmonton? I don't know. If I am... please tell me. okay...so now i'm sitting here thinking...and now i'm thinking that you won't want to be my friend. I'm not dependent on you. But i'm always so freakin afraid of what people will think of me. And i hate knowing people are mad at me...even though i'm mad at you. BLARGH. I'm such an idiot. I should've known it was your competitive nature. I mean..i'm the same way..but i don't go around and I don't break guys' hearts. To clarify..i don't have feelings for you. So don't think i do..just because i feel bad. But i do feel bad nevertheless. I'm sorry. I really am. Because I did enjoy this summer. I enjoyed talking to you. I enjoyed the conversations we had. But now i'm confused. I don't even know who to believe. All i know is that I need to make it clear to you that I haven't fallen into your trap..and you can't play any games whether unintentionally or intentionally with me. I am not one of the girls in the box. I'm sorry. I sound SO stupid... and I want to get rid of this..but I'm tired of holding everything in. eventually it'll come out anyways. so maybe this is good that i'm saying all of this. If you really are my friend, you'd understand anyways. Well..maybe not understand why i'm mad..but understand that i can be mad..i dunno..now i'm just confuddling myself. I'm turning into a blonde. Thats what Toronto does for ya. Maybe I'm totally wrong. Which i often am.

It struck me today that I miss relatively few people in Edmonton. Of course, it goes without saying that i miss my mum and dad and button and pooch. However, considering that I invested so much time in making and maintaining friendships in Edmonton, I miss relatively few people. For the past 6 years, friends in Edmonton were almost my life. Spending money, and hanging out with them every friday night and sunday afternoons was what I loved. Now that I'm here, I still miss people and my friends as a collective whole...but really, i miss very few people as single individuals. Those who I miss, know that I miss them. But its strange, how I hardly miss and hardly think of some people, all of whom I considered my best friends. Is that a bad thing? Then again, I think to myself, life moves on. Things change and people change. At first I was sad when it was my birthday and out of all my really really close friends ( not including my close High School friends, who have never failed to wish me happy birthday since grade 7) , only my best friend called me/e-mailed me to say Happy Birthday. And yet, now that I think about it, I'm guilty of the same thing. I haven't talked to any Edmonton people who don't use MSN ( mainly because i have no long-d plan, so it costs me 25 cents a minute to phone), and yet that really isn't an excuse. Because if they were my close friends, wouldn't i call regardless of the cost? Do i sound really pessimistic of friendships? I loved the friends I made in Edmonton, but unlike some people here in Rez, I'm not that sad, and I don't cry because I miss my friends...well other than my best friend.I don't think this makes me a bad person. I think that moving has separated me from many of my peers, but i've still kept in touch and still talk to the people who matter. All of them know who they are.It makes me kind of sad, to think that I invested so much time in trying to please and trying to make friends with all my church buddies, but I never really bothered to get to know my school peers who NEVER once failed to remember my b-day since grade 7 until my last year of high school, when i became closer to them than some of my church friends. They didn't even forget my b-day this year either. I guess its all down to a matter of priorities. Most of my church friends highly prioritize school..alot of the time, more so than friendships. This is a double edged-sword. Whereas, many of my school friends equalize the two...and sometimes..actually a lot of the time,do just as good.

i mean, school is school...you can still end up jobless and homeless after getting a post secondary education but at least you wouldn't be a lonely old homeless fart if you had friends. You'd just be old and homeless which is 10 times better. I'd rather do horribly in school, and know that I had friends who I could really trust, instead of do great in school, but have friends that i know would let me down in a second because they had to run off and do homework.Thats my rant for the day. Lovely.

If Christ is for us, who can be against us?For the first time, I'm enjoying being in Love. I call it love, because it can be nothing else. Who else listens to me at any hour of the day? Who else helps me make it through the day? Who else dances in the rain with me? Who else cries with me, and laughs with me? I look around at the rest of the world and i think to myself, " There are some who are missing this." Missing this journey in life. Some who bypass it totally, thinking they have found love, but aren't satisfied. If I hadn't left, i wouldn't have found this. It makes me want to dance in the streets. Makes me want to dance in my room. I feel like telling the whole world. Shouting out loud from the top of a building. Do you feel it too? So this is what real love is.

Well guys, i had a FANTABULOUS morning. I had rowing, snazzerific. 4 am in the morning. How cool is that. Then I got home, had to wash the goose crap off my sweatpants. Then I decided, why not bring your econ texts and your laptop with you so you can study at school instead of walking back? Yeah. Stupid idea. Those books weigh more than a small child, and the laptop is also a monstrosity. So i'm carrying it, sweating like crazy on my 30 minute journey to my first class. First class ends. I go to the library and study. I realize that i've forgotten my bagged lunch in my previous class. It will be gone by now. So now i'm a tad grumpy, knowing that i have no money and hardly anywhere accepts debit...even some mcdonalds. So i scrounge up 1.75 and go buy myself a small..small halloween size bag of chips that costs $1.67. Toronto is full of crock. Then i go to my poli sci class, so tired and hungry that i'm half falling asleep. Good job. I sat in the third row, center. GREAT. So now my prof probably thinks i'm a slacker. Finally after a really long hour, i stumble out of the class, not knowing what we learned at all. I realize its raining really hard, and being stupid, I have no umbrella. So i drape my cardigan over my laptop bag just in case, and walk in the rain in my tank top. By the time i got back, my hair was dripping, my glasses were spotty and i could hardly see..there was so much water in my shirt that i had to ring it out. My pants were white, so i'm sure everyone got to see my nice underwear. Whatever. That was my fantastic morning.

Well, Heather came for the weekend...and now she's gone back home to London. It was fun times. Reminded me of this summer when we hung out every day for rowing and such. I'm really glad she came to Toronto. At the same time, i'm kinda sad because now she's gone! And because now school is in full swing.

I'm missing lots of people. At the same time i'm meeting loads of people. So its a give and take situation...Nevertheless, I miss Edmonton, my parents and my friends. This is pretty dandy though.

This post was really about nothing. I bought a bike today. Well, kinda. Katie is buying it for me because she gets a discount..and i'm going to pay her back. At any rate ...yay..no more walking.

hey guys....so here's some pics...just 3 so far...the girl with the scrunched up face is my roomie, Michelle, this is my bed and this is my japanese friend Mari

I just had the STRANGEST morning. ( BTW, I have internet now) Its currently 4:44 am. This morning at 3:30, the fire alarm started ringing. BRING BRING BRING! So everyone wakes up. I'm like GRRRRRR because I know its not a real fire and that some idiot savante had to pull the alarm and that I have to wake up in 1 hour. Then, this idiot guy calls my cell phone and is like " I want to make sure that doug is okay". I hang up on this person, not before yelling at him for calling at 3:30 in the morning. He calls back again and is like, " CALM DOWN! I know this is the wrong number, i just want to make sure doug is okay!" At this point i'm tired and grumpy, knowing i have to wake up soon and i'm like " STOP CALLING. SERIOUSLY. I"M NOT DOUG. I"M A GIRL. GOT IT? GOOD." Nevertheless, this intellectual cripple does NOT get it. Ring Ring! "I know you aren't doug, i just want to make sure he's okay. Are you high or something?" No of course not you idiot. You're high.

Now its 4:48 am and i'm sitting around waiting to go to rowing. And i'm tired. But i'm too scared to go back to sleep because i know i won't wake up in 12 minutes. GRRR...STUPID STUPID idiotic people. That's what Toronto is filled with.

Welps, university is pretty crazy. Lets see, looks like I will be dying for a couple more days ( apparently, we will get internet Monday the 15th). Lies. I can pretty much bet that i wont get it until the end of the month. Its actually quite funny how much people ( with special reference to students) rely on the net. Everyone--and i when I say everyone it is not an exaggeration, has been complaining about the lack of internet. My roomate and I are especially guilty of this. What can i say? I have become a C-wannabe. Always wanting to be on the computer. Is this healthy? This incessant want...make that need to be on the internet all the time? The internet has become an addiction. A drug. There are very few who have escaped this bug. I have no doubt that the internet is actually a very strong addiction. Perhaps it is time for a change in my life? NO THANK YOU. Its been a week and 2 days since I have arrived in Toronto, and I must say that I detest this unrelenting lack of msn and the internet. And yet, the older generations and those from developing countries seem to manage fine--make that more than fine without this marvelous invention. A doubt creeps into my mind as to whether or not this invention is actually the epitome of human success. This is a drug that is definitely not required. And yet...I crave for it. I do realize that I sound very much insane. This is what the lack of internet has done to me. All I have to say is one word: " EEGADS".

In other Lydia news...

My gas tank is running on empty. I'm actually physically drained. Each morning I wake up at approximately 4:15 am ( 2:15 Edmonton time), so that I can attend rowing practices by 5:30 am ( 3:30 Edmonton time). Then I come back, hopefully take a 15 minute nap, eat breakfast, and then begin my trek to campus ...which is technically 15 minutes away from my residence. However, that is only the start of campus. Most of my classes are on the other side of campus, therefore an additional 30 minutes at least is required for me to walk to my classes. Yes, there is a more efficient method to getting to my classes. The TTC...for non Torontonians, that would be the subway. However, I resent the inflated prices and am not willing to pay such huge amounts of money for a TTC pass ( $110 a month at least). So ped is my only means of motility. Classes are sporadically aligned, however I have very few classes ( and yet, the maximum courseload...and actually an overload). By the time its 9:30 pm (7:30 pm), I'm wiped out and am forced to go to sleep.

That is the typical day in the new Toronto life of Lydia.

Aside from that, I attended a campus crusade meeting yesterday ( the first of the year). This year and my walk with God has definitely been interesting. I met a girl that actually came to Christ because of Karmen Wong's parents. She actually visited Edmonton earlier this summer and I was supposed to meet her, but didn't end up going. This world is such a small world. Then at campus crusade, I met a whole bunch of people who know Karmen, Jonathan and Teresa. It was actually quite uncanny how popular this trio actually is.Also at the campus crusade meeting, I saw this guy..and instantly remembered that he was on my plane from Edmonton to Toronto. ( See? I told you I am in posession of an uncanny memory!). I told him that...and after the initial shock that I remembered him, without even talking to him, we got into a conversation. He's good friends with RYAN LAU! Isn't that crazy? The Christian community is crazy! Everyone knows someone who knows someone.

What else is there to say? Hrrm...no laundry room till September 30th now. I find that crazy and totally unacceptable, but meh..what can a small, insignificant dot in a huge city do? not much i'd say. Speaking of insignificance, University is definitely a place where I feel very insignificant. Its a very impersonal place, where I find it difficult to make friends. Its a bit lonely at times, but has also forced me to depend more on God. Each day, I'm constantly and definitely more aware of all the small miracles He performs in my life. I've also become more aware of His intricate and awemazing plans that He has for me. Its definitely been a strange, liberating and amazing experience. I'd definitely reccommend moving away to all you at homers. Not saying I don't miss home and my parents. I do very much. However, there are just some things that you can't learn from living at home.

At any rate, please continue to pray for me. Its very lonely here sometimes and yet, there isn't much time to sit wallowing in self-pity.

I miss all of you so much. Well..all of my friends. i don't miss anyone who's a crazy stalker and reads this. I'm always here for you to talk to, call me whenever. E-mail me, snail mail. Whatever. Trust in God always! I'm praying for all of you!

Ciao bellas and hrrm..whats the masculine form for beautiful? I don't know...bellos...^_^ MUAH!

Hey guys and gals...here in toronto.
DYING without an internet connection.
At the library which is like 30 mins walk.GRRR
Toronto is HUGE
Everyone eats hot dogs
I'll update something worth reading when i get an internet connection
they say it'll be tomorrow
I have no faith in that claim, seeing as they said we'd have it on friday..then today...now tomorrow
Still no laundry. Not till thursday. SMELLY
Plugins on my side of the room still don't work
Roomate is great
Scary bums on the streets everywhere
Started school today
miss you all.
Bye!

Its funny. How our societies can spend $800 billion dollars on military spending, and $40 billion dollars on golf, but can't afford to spend the extra $5 billion dollars for the next five years to put EVERY single child in the world in school. Education is the only way to eliminate the cycle of poverty. Shows what priorities our world has. The truth is, organizations like the WTO, and our governments celebrate the fact that there exists a CLEARLY defined rich and poor. The truth is, in order for poverty to be eliminated, countries such as Canada and the States would be required to get off their comfy cushions. We are a bunch of blokes. 1 billion people tonight will go to bed hungry, and yet our world has enough food to feed the world 3 times over. Every 3.5 days, more people will die of hunger than the people that died during the bombing of Hiroshima. OVer the last 5 years, more people have died than the people that have died in all wars during the last 150 years of our existence.The USA, the equivalent of about 6% of the world's population uses 42% of the world's resources and is responsible for 37% of the world's waste. Don't think though, that because we live in Canada we aren't a part of this. because we are very much a part of this.It matters because we are all humans. Because borders are just invisible lines created by man. Because in essence, the color of skin doesn't matter. Don't we all laugh, cry, shit? Don't we all feel pain? Feel regret, feel joy? We've forgotten that in reality, we are all the same. The fact that in the time it takes me to snap my fingers, another child will have died of hunger doesn't seem to make us flinch anymore. Children and those who go hungry have become statistics. Mere numbers. We may forget numbers, but its hard to forget this...