i. miss. toronto.

i. am. so. blessed.

does. anyone. have. home. baked. goodies. they. want. to. share. with. lydia. at. Winter. Conference? my. parentals. do. not. bake. donate. to. the. lydia. fund.

(low fat cookies are much appreciated. went to the doctor and the doctor told me i have to go on a diet. je. suis. tres. triste.)

haha, so i'm on the internet. LOL. actually...one of my "little brothers" got suspended...AGAIN...so my dad and i went to have a little "chat" with him. i figured i'd kill two birds with one stone and check my e-mail/ blog while i'm here.

arrived in edmonton at 9am (11am EST) and WAS SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER BORED OUT OF MY MIND ALL DAY!!!! oy. edmonton is boring. AND its warmer here than in Toronto! WHATS WITH THAT? Its apparently going up to 5 degrees tomorrow. WHERES THE COLD AND THE SNOW??? AND get this...no Christmas dinner this year!!! my parents are in the process of remodelling the house and so, there's no furniture...the house smells like paint and its pretty nauseating...therefore...there won't be guests coming over this year. There isn't even a TREE up!!! oh mylanta. i can't deal, just can't deal.

aiya.

the good thing is...it gives me lots of time to spend with God which i'm pretty much excited about. i've had some super carnal moments lately....yelling at the homeless guy, snapping at the security guard at the airport this morning...y-ikes. Definitely not filled with the spirit (i don't feel like typing those two stories out...so the next time you see me you can ask me about them..hahah. brutes.)
I realize i've become more and more of a Torontonian and less and less of an edmontonian. less than 12 hours here and i'm already tired of the slow pace. what's more, i was kinda creeped out by so many friendly people on the plane talking to me. HAHAH. its become innate to simply not talk to strangers...but you know edmontonians...we'd probably talk to a pet rock if there was no one else to talk to. hilarious. i found it pretty funny. compared to the other people on the plane, i was pretty much silent bob.
Had a good thought process though, in the midst of sleeping and waking on the plane..its amazing...how an infinite God became a tiny baby...frail and completely dependent on human beings to survive. And yet His tiny heart pumped the blood that would one day wash away my sins. Amazing eh? yeah i thought so.

So...
in the few short hours of Christmas break...
i've been convicted with the need to really be filled instead of simply indwelt. even coming over here to my xiao di di's house to rebuke him in love reminded me of how much impact the gospel would have if only we would let it touch our lives in remarkable ways.

okay, i'm out. Merry Christmas and much love :)

So, Christmas break has now officially started.

But not without failing my first university exam ever. And yes, by the way, i KNOW for sure that i failed it. It was 30 multiple choice. Every correct answer was worth 3.33 marks, every wrong answer 0, every question left blank was worth 0.67. Anyways, i knew i got 6 questions right, but i had no clue about the rest. so i answered 9 more (semi-guessing) and then left the rest blank...i did this knowing i needed 28% on the exam to pass the course with a 50, and thus guessing would have been dangerous. Anyways i'm praying for at least a 28% on the exam. There's no way i passed, but hopefully i'll still pass the course.
So yeah. lydia's first failure in university.

In other news, went to see memoirs...have to buy the soundtrack.

And i also yelled at a homeless guy today.

So all in all, today was NOT a stellar day for me at all. Quite carnal, filled with many "oh Lord, how i need you" moments.

Well soon it'll be over. catching the 4:30am bus to the airport. GOING HOME BABY.
i'll be back on the 28th, one day late for winter conference. not sure how much i'll be updating and such since i don't have internet at home in deadmonton.

oh edmonton here i come. home of snowboarding and 7% GST and no PST. huzzah.

Just one of those mornings when it suddenly clicks, you've completely and utterly failed.

the worst thing is..its SUCH a dog returning to its vomit moment. You truly ARE the fool that has repeated his folly.

and it just rings around your head... how could you have forgotten the lesson SO fast? in less than 2 days no less? And then you read the old testament and wonder how the israelites could have forgotten so fast. and yet you aren't much different.

oh soul, how i am wrestling with you right now. this morning, it is hard not to despise myself and my own stupidity. there really is only one word for it:

DOH.

edit: this was in reference to my study habits.

i've been sitting here thinking about how privileged i am to have such awesome brothers in my life. sisters too. but i'll save that tribute for another day. its at times like this that i think i could feel pretty peaceful being a single woman until i die (not to say that's what i want or anything, do not get me wrong here). Knowing that i am surrounded by such awesome brothers who love serving the Lord is pretty much amazing.

i'm not sure what brought this on, but i'm finding a newfound appreciation for all the guys in my life who challenge me to become more of a godly sister. Waking up and getting an encouraging e-mail from a brother half-way across the world (thanks darren!), having staying-awake-cramming buddies (parker and a mac), knowing that if i need something fixed i can just call on my favourite brown boy (warren g..even though you were inept at fixing my shelf), having brothers who will debate with me (haha, heated phone debates eh adam), 'litto' brothers that are annoying and super fun and call me jeh jeh (louis!) and knowing that i have brothers praying for me (and getting me in trouble with priyanka! thanks nathan!) is such a blessing.

Often times, in our hopes that the next guy will be THE guy, we (girls i mean) befriend solid guys and whether we'll admit it or not, a thought crosses our minds:"hmm solid guy. maybe he'll be the one!" What a tragedy it is that we do this. i am SO guilty of this, its not even funny. In doing so, we rob ourselves the opportunity to learn to be sisters and have solid brother-sister relationships where we can learn much from the opposite gender.

So lately, i've been thinking about how God has really blessed me with some truly amazing men in my life that i really respect and have learned much from. Their leadership astounds me and its just plain fun to have annoying brothers...i missed out by being an only child, but i'm pretty much getting my fill now.

One of my best memories from montreal project is the night i was grumpy and had to cram for my final exam...and two of my brothers came into the room. one of them pulled out a mandolin and started umm serenading me--although i'm not sure if you can call it that. hahaha... it was pretty much cacophony. But hilarious cacophony at that.

What a privilege it is to be blessed with brothers who are sound in faith, love and steadfastness! it is my hope that i too will one day be an encouragement towards my brothers. wex.

[edit: i've been reading some of Carolyn McCulley's blogs and writings (she's a single woman who writes primarily for single women) and i really enjoyed this...girls its a good read :)

wow. can you believe it. its now 4:03 am.

aside from my short nap this afternoon...i've been awake 42 hours.

and i didn't even need to stay awake today...but whitfield called...we had a good chat until 3:30am...and shelly (who turned up at my apartment randomly..haah) is leaving in 20 mins to catch a bus to the airport.

man i am sleepy.

hmm wow i sense some hostility on my blog these days..haha. keep it COMING!! hits to my blog have significantly increased!! AMAZING. to quote my friend warren, "you should post fake angry comments from anonymous to drive [hits] up even further"


JUST KIDDING. totally kidding.

Now, on a serious note...

i think... there are some things that need to be addressed to everyone who reads my blog, and to 'anonymous' as well.

Whoever keeps up with this blog, will have read some of the comments that have been going back and forth between me and anonymous, and i would like to take this time to address this, so that i do not cause anyone to stumble.

***

In reference to my previous blog, about spelling...i really do apologize if that offended anyone; i usually assume that the people who read my blog are my friends who know me well, and know that that when i write something like that, it is in jest; it was not written to condemn anyone who has difficulties spelling or who has learning disabilities such as dyslexia.
So if that was offensive, which i concede may have appeared to be so, i do apologize.

If being judgemental is pertaining to other things (i.e. my previous post regarding Christians and dating or any of my other posts) i'll say this...

i really do ask that you would forgive me if i sound as though i am judgemental, it isn't my desire to come off that way. i really don't know if 'anonymous' knows me or not, i have no clue who you are and thus, i'm not sure where this standoffish-ness is derived from. but i do apologize for sounding judgemental. I attempt to abide by the principles in Romans 2, however as most humans i do slip up..

Let me explain further..

I believe that there is such a thing as absolute truth, and i will freely admit that on this blog and in my life, i don't beat around the bush with certain principles. i believe that there is right and there is wrong and that much of the time, areas that seem gray are actually black that we truly hope are white. i don't balk at pointing these truths out. if i see a brother or a sister who is heading down what is clearly a path to 'destruction' so to speak, i will not hesitate to point it out. I believe this comes from the principle inEzekiel 3

I do admit that i do lack compassion and don't often season my words with grace...for that i apologize to everyone... (especially to my roommate...to whom i would like to take this aside and say that i really do love her and that i'm sorry if my words haven't been seasoned with grace)

But is my bluntness going to change? probably not anytime soon. i'll be working on compassion and grace though :)

So to mr or miss anonymous, thanks for pointing that out.. i really will be praying for more compassion and that the truth i speak would be seasoned with grace.
it grieves me that others may see me as judgemental, i do not want to appear to be so. in everything i do, i would hope that it would glorify God..and i am saddened that i have done a poor job of being His ambassador.

i do hope that everyone who reads this blog will forgive me. From now on i will think more before i blog realizing that there are people who read it who do not know me. There will be a day when my imperfections disappear and i shall be given a new name. until then, you'll have to bear with my inadequacies and failings.

haha so i've been studying about schizophrenia alllllll dayyyyy looong.

just too an hour breatk to watch some TV...and was watching Law and Order: SVU..haha, AND i correctly diagnosed a character on the show today...with paranoid schizophrenia. LOL!

who knew...watching Law and Order can help you study at the same time!!

***

how do people make it into university without knowing how to spell? i suppose i take it for granted that my vocabulary is a bit more extensive than most. i'll admit, i often make errors in grammar..but unless its a typo, i don't usually make spelling errors. still...i believe that if you are in university you should be able to spell basic words that seven year olds can spell!

***

i am currently drinking coke. i hate coke. its sugary and nasty. why am i drinking it? for the caffeine. even though i'm pretty opposed to drinking things for their side effects. oy. one week. just one week.

***

when i was a kid, my mum would put Mozart into my CD player and i would fall asleep to Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, his Piano Concerto No. 21, the overture to the marriage of Figaro..etc.

apparently Mozart improves IQ.

So...today, after many years...i have pulled out the CD i once fell asleep to...in a desperate attempt to aid my studying.

Lydia's two cents on dating a.k.a. GO BIG OR GO HOME (adam's suggestion) a.k.a. Lydia's standards for dating (wish me luck, apparently i'm going to need it.)

Okay, so i am going to blog about dating. Not that i know all that much about it. There's theories that bounce around in my head, but i've never actually put these theories into practice, so who knows? But since some of my best friends are in relationships (some that i heartily approve of, and some that i can't say i give my wholehearted approval) its been on my mind. As well, Christmas is here, i'll be going home soon, and one of the first questions thats always asked is "so lydia...found yourself a guy yet?" and the answer is always no. But this year its a different sort of no.. its a "no i haven't found a guy yet, and no, i am not looking for one."

At any rate, i digress... i think sometimes dating (as in a committed relationship) is on everyone's mind TOO much. When will i find someone? Will i ever get married?yaddi yadda. And other times, i don't think we think about how it practically plays out. Us girls turn relationships into some sort of fantasy world in our daydreams and are disappointed when relationships don't end up to be that utopian ideal that we all hope and long for. We place unfair standards on guys in our daydreams and make them into people they really aren't. Concurrently, we often don't set our standards high enough, and just jump into anything that comes our way so that we won't feel lonely and unloved.

man, dating has GOT to be overrated. although with my friends in healthy relationships..it seems pretty lovely. who knows?

non-negotiables
here are some of my non-negotiables. Some of them are only pertinent to me...others i believe should be pertinent to all Christians.

if i ever end up in a relationship the guy i am with:

1. MUST LOVE THE LORD WITH ALL THEIR HEART, SOUL and MIND.
This is a definite non-negotiable. i don't want to be with someone who doesn't love the Lord. As i've said before, if you don't love the Lord, you can't possibly know what real love is, because Christ is the epitome of true love. There is much to be said about the change that occurs when one is indwelt and filled with the Holy Spirit.

Additionally, i believe that the bible makes this clear in 2 Corinthians 6:14--
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
I used to think that the reason why, as a Christian, i should not be in a committed releationship with/get married to a non-Christian was for my benefit..so that i would not stumble. And while this is true, i believe there is another reason.

In Deuteronomy 22:10 it states "You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together." This law prohibited the yoking together of a donkey and an ox for plowing. This was done for the benefit of the donkey, who lacked the strength to work together with the more powerful ox and whose health would be damaged by working with the larger animal. In the same way, as Christians, we could be seen as the powerful ox, the non-Christian as the poor donkey getting pulled by this Ox. It is dangerous, i believe, and even perhaps selfish to drag this poor donkey along.

If we, as Christians, prize God before all else, and claim to love God with all our hearts, souls and minds..then how can we be in a committed relationship and have real purpose in that relationship, without Christ being the centre? What is the purpose of a relationship? Any relationship, whether platonic or a committed boy-girl relationship, MUST be rooted in Christ's love and MUST serve to glorify God. Anything else is folly and vanity.

2. MUST HAVE A HEART FOR THE LOST and DESIRE TO DO FULL TIME MINISTRY
For a long time now, i've known that full time ministry is what i want to end up doing. However, i KNOW that i have a heart for the lost and i desire to do missions work. Where? God hasn't told me that yet. But all in his time. At any rate, it would be pointless to date/marry someone who isn't interested in serving alongside on the mission field. I'm pragmatic, and hardly desire to date just for fun. Call me conservative, call me just plain weird. But i think that if i'm running the race, i don't want to dabble here and there on the sidelines, trying to get someone to run with me. nope. no can do. i'm going to run the race, and look beside me and see who's running in the same direction. And, if no one is..then i'll keep on running. With or without a significant other. I would rather be single and have full joy in my heart knowing that i'm pressing onwards towards the goal to win the prize for which we have been called heavenwards in Christ Jesus than be in a relationship and KNOW that i wasn't paying attention to HIS call above all else.

How often girls (and guys) give up their dreams and their loves for someone else, and settle for less. i believe the highest call is to be His servant and to give Him our all. as my good friend John Piper says, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him"
why give up the One who created love in pursuit of love? no way man. i'm going to pursue Him, and maybe someone who is pursuing Him in the same way will come along and we'll help each other pursue our Abba. if not..hey, i'm cool where i am.

3. MUST BE A STRONG LEADER WHO TAKES INITIATIVE
Those of y'all that know me, KNOW that i am one stubborn girl. No denying it. Not only that, its in my blood to step up and lead. And thus, for myself, i KNOW that i need a guy who holds onto the reins tightly and who will take initiative and lead. i know i can't be with someone who only steps up when its ABSOLUTELY necessary...i would walk all over him.
it is my desire to be able to submit to my future spouse (if i get married) and KNOW that he will love me and take care of me and take the initiative on things. i want a valiant prince! ^_^ i love the picture of Rebekah, who went around doing her daily chores.. and Isaac (well i suppose the servant and Abraham..haha) took the initiative. it is SO easy, in this modern world for women to take the initiative, hold the power in relationships and control everything...but i truly believe that this is not the way it should go. i believe there is a reason God made man first. And i believe firmly in the roles God has given men and women. call me conservative, call me wacko..but yeah thats what i believe.

4. MUST BE APPROVED BY MY PARENTS
For me, this is a definite must! in fact, ideally before a guy formally asked me to be in a relationship, i would want him to ask my parents first! haha. I believe that my parents raised me in a God-fearing home and were the ones who introduced me to Christ. Sometimes, they know me better than i know myself. I would want a guy who would love my parents as much as i do..and who would honour and respect them. yup yup.

At any rate, there's more, i have a list....but this is already really long so i'm gonna cut it short. if you've made it this far..props to you ^_^. Cheers!

haha cool tidbit. i wrote a short article on the Chronicles of Narnia movie coming out Dec. 9th for iamnext...go check it out :)

iamnext

even cooler... chinese women today asked if they could translate it and use it on their site too. haha. pretty cool, seeing as i'm definitely NOT a writer :)

hehe.

saw snippets of the Victoria Secret Fashion Show...

some days its harder than others to remember that you are beautiful because you were made in the image of God. its difficult to remember that your value isn't based upon how you look, what you wear, how skinny you are.

and its quite tautological if you ask me. because the crummier your day is, the fatter you feel, the more you just want to put on a pair of gray sweatpants, sit in front of the TV and eat the neopolitan icecream that is sitting in your freezer. This of course, makes you feel fatter. Which just makes you want to sit and veg more.

the secular standard is just SO impossibly high. at 5 feet, 3 inches, i've already failed. And i didn't even have a choice. Chinese genetics staked its claim on me. .

billboards, movies, even cartoons for heavens sake (by this i mean final fantasy...not something like the simpsons..haha)... they all whisper in my ear.."if only you were prettier lydia" "if only you lost those 20 pounds you've been meaning to lose" "if only you ate less and exercised more"

if only.... if only....

then you'd be worth more. then you'd be loved more. then you'd be beautiful. then you'd have a boyfriend. (addendum: yes, i am single. no i am not looking for or wanting a boyfriend)

and i have a feeling that its not only me who hears these whispers. i have a feeling its most of us gals out there.

i see my friends, settling for less. Settling for boyfriends who don't/can't give them what they deserve. Settling for guys who don't prize God before all else-- how can they TRULY love when they do not know He who IS love? Settling for guys who are great guys, but aren't the BEST. Settling because they feel lonely, homely and unloved without someone to love them. Settling because they don't think they deserve better. i can't help but weep for these friends of mine. and weep for myself.

how easy it is to fall into the trap of believing these lies! how easy it is to forget that it is HE who breathed life into us. that to Him we were worth the cost of His only Son. THAT is a powerful reminder.

okay so since everyone is doing this lately, and its pretty fun...

IF YOU READ THIS...
YOU MUST (no blog stalkers ^_^)POST UP HERE A MEMORY OF ME. IT CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANT.GOOD OR BAD...JUST SO LONG AS IT HAPPENED.THEN COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR SITE, AND SEE WHAT OTHERS REMEMBER ABOUT YOU ^_^

hahah, i don't usually post things like this on here...but i thought it was SO HILARIOUS....

my strength: SUPERHUMAN BRAIN POWER!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. oh man. what a great laugh. ahhaha.

Your Birthdate: September 5

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others. Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy. Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting edge ideas. Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges. Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom Your power color: Tangerine Your power symbol: Ace Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

and to continue with the tradition of things i don't usually post on blogger.

10 Firsts:
- first best friend: ashley
- first screename: uhh, teapotlyd.
- first kiss: hmm, my mum and dad?
- first pet: the dog my neighbor killed :(
- first piercing: ears
- first crush: some dude in grade 2? i told my mum and she laughed at me and told my dad.
- first music: first CD i ever bought....spice girls. haha
- first car: 86 Corolla
- first love: God.
- first date: ummm...i've never been on a date? well, i guess it depends how you define date?

9 Lasts:
- last cigarette: never started. never will.
- last alchoholic drink: mike's hard lemonade. never again. (i'm chinese. enough said)
- last car ride: andrew millard driving me kinda home.
- last real kiss: never.
- last movie seen: Proof
- last phone call: Sara Whitfield.
- last CD played: Grace like Rain
- last bubble bath: a couple of nights ago. mmmm.
- last time you cried: yesterday. (held it in today..hehe)

8 Have You Evers:
- have you ever been arrested: yes. (NO, of course not. can you imagine ME getting arrested?)
- have you ever dated one your best friends: nope
- have you ever skinny dipped: nope, cant' say i have
- have you ever been on TV: yup.
- have you ever kissed someone & then regretted it: nope.
- have you ever been dumped: nope. well..kinda? well no. haha. if you haven't dated you cant be dumped.
- have you ever snuck out: not really.
- have you ever been in a fight: not a hands/guns/knives fight?

7 Things You're Wearing:
- a red shirt
- u of t hoodie
- pj pants
- socks.
- glasses
- i'm out of ideas.
- unmentionables?

6 Things You've Done Today:
- went to York for the GTA planning day
- got a ride/bussed home which was an adventure.
- had an awesome 2.5 hour nap
- chatted on msn
- 'studied'
- hmm this is really convicting. i should spend time with God tonight

5 Favorite Things In No Particular Order:
- God
- music
- food
- sleep
- laughing

(irene...exactly the same as you ^_^)


4 People You Can Tell Anything To (well maybe not ANYTHING):
- Jesus
- shelly
- priyanka
- hmm, i duno who else. maybe warren?

3 Choices:
- black or white: white
- hot or cold: cold
- chocolate or vanilla: chocolate

2 Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
- share the gospel with the people i love the most.
- climb mount everest. hehe.


1 thing you regret:
not loving enough.