sometimes i say things without thinking..and then in retrospect i realize they sound mean or angry or just idiotic.
new practice: silence is golden and i'm going to listen twice as much as i speak.
jeudi, mars 30, 2006
mardi, mars 28, 2006
thoughts whizzing around the ol' noggin
lots of thoughts whizzing around today.
the mormons came--not two of them...but THREE!!! poor Deej, if she had been there all alone it would have been 3 against 1!! but i'm pretty glad that they came, it was a very good exercise in apologetics. They were really sweet guys, but some of the stuff they were saying was just so blasphemous--part of me wanted to cry, part of me wanted to laugh at the absurdity of having three mormon guys in our apartment proselytizing, part of me was infuriated that they were claiming the precious Word of God has been distorted and is unreliable.
i was so grateful though--admittedly, my knowledge of the Scriptures is not up to par, but God was moving and gave me the words to say and the Scripture to challenge them. Verses just kept popping into my head reminding me of the truth, and allowing me to question their beliefs.
Those guys knew the Bible so well though--it was heartbreaking. To see 3 guys so passionate about their beliefs and who know scripture like the back of their hands is something that is lacking in the Christian church today--its not an easy thing to go to someone's house and proselytize. Its a shame they don't know the REAL, TRUE and EVERLASTING God. if only us Christians (myself included...perhaps more than most) would step it up a couple of notches and KNOW our scripture well and become passionate about sharing the gospel--i know often i am FAR too lacksadaisical in this aspect. What an impact we would have. i can't help but think how many people are being influenced by just those 3 guys--many, i'm sure.
my roommate anja and a girl, Rosa, from one of my classes came home while the 3 mormons were still here--i had to stifle a laugh at the absurdity of it all. After they were gone, Rosa made a remark that has haunted me ever since. " i didn't think you were THAT religious, Lydia."
She was referring to the fact that she had initially thought we were having bible study with the mormons and that the first thought that crossed her mind was "i didnt think lydia was THAT religious."
That she would say this broke my heart--it is a testimony to how little i share the gospel, even though i KNOW it is a life changing message. i've never seen myself as someone who hides her identity as a Christian--even in high school, when my faith was rocky people KNEW me as 'the Christian'. In class i've often made it known that i'm a fairly conservative Christian...
but wow...i guess my eyes have been opened a bit more in regards to the way i've been living my life. and i'm disappointed.
3 guys who would give up 2 years of their life to spread the message of a completely untrue belief...and yet i, someone who knows the Way, the Truth and the Life, share the beautiful gospel message far less often.
oh so disappointing Lydia. so disappointing.
i am however grateful for all the opportunities i have had of late to share the gospel. its been fantastic. i'm lovin' it! Now, if only i'd make more opportunities :)
***
oh, i forgot to blog about our escapade with the Ryerson Students' Union (RSU) president today! yup thats right, i talked to her today! Well...more like argued politely!!! haha, i don't even go to ryerson.
Was sitting with Pri and Warren in their clubs office, when the woman who does all of their bookings (i think?) came to the office to tell them about a postcard the RSU was selling that disturbed her. I think it said something like "Kill in the name of Jesus" and was apparently meant to "promote discussion" about fundamentalist Christianity in the States... but i mean come on! what would people think when they saw that postcard? All it does is promote hatred towards Christians--gee. shocker.
anyways, pri, warren and i decided to go see this postcard that a NON-CHRISTIAN was even offended by...and pri could tell that i wanted to say something...so she said that i should say it...so i started talking to the girl working at the desk...who then referred me/us to the president of the Ryerson students' union....who i argued with (argued seems like the wrong word...its not as though there was shouting or anything) for a good 8 minutes...but it went nowhere. of course being politically correct, she said that she'd take it up with the group who was selling the postcards. yeah right.
next time i go to ryerson i will make a stink again.
haha.
lots of thoughts whizzing around today.
the mormons came--not two of them...but THREE!!! poor Deej, if she had been there all alone it would have been 3 against 1!! but i'm pretty glad that they came, it was a very good exercise in apologetics. They were really sweet guys, but some of the stuff they were saying was just so blasphemous--part of me wanted to cry, part of me wanted to laugh at the absurdity of having three mormon guys in our apartment proselytizing, part of me was infuriated that they were claiming the precious Word of God has been distorted and is unreliable.
i was so grateful though--admittedly, my knowledge of the Scriptures is not up to par, but God was moving and gave me the words to say and the Scripture to challenge them. Verses just kept popping into my head reminding me of the truth, and allowing me to question their beliefs.
Those guys knew the Bible so well though--it was heartbreaking. To see 3 guys so passionate about their beliefs and who know scripture like the back of their hands is something that is lacking in the Christian church today--its not an easy thing to go to someone's house and proselytize. Its a shame they don't know the REAL, TRUE and EVERLASTING God. if only us Christians (myself included...perhaps more than most) would step it up a couple of notches and KNOW our scripture well and become passionate about sharing the gospel--i know often i am FAR too lacksadaisical in this aspect. What an impact we would have. i can't help but think how many people are being influenced by just those 3 guys--many, i'm sure.
my roommate anja and a girl, Rosa, from one of my classes came home while the 3 mormons were still here--i had to stifle a laugh at the absurdity of it all. After they were gone, Rosa made a remark that has haunted me ever since. " i didn't think you were THAT religious, Lydia."
She was referring to the fact that she had initially thought we were having bible study with the mormons and that the first thought that crossed her mind was "i didnt think lydia was THAT religious."
That she would say this broke my heart--it is a testimony to how little i share the gospel, even though i KNOW it is a life changing message. i've never seen myself as someone who hides her identity as a Christian--even in high school, when my faith was rocky people KNEW me as 'the Christian'. In class i've often made it known that i'm a fairly conservative Christian...
but wow...i guess my eyes have been opened a bit more in regards to the way i've been living my life. and i'm disappointed.
3 guys who would give up 2 years of their life to spread the message of a completely untrue belief...and yet i, someone who knows the Way, the Truth and the Life, share the beautiful gospel message far less often.
oh so disappointing Lydia. so disappointing.
i am however grateful for all the opportunities i have had of late to share the gospel. its been fantastic. i'm lovin' it! Now, if only i'd make more opportunities :)
***
oh, i forgot to blog about our escapade with the Ryerson Students' Union (RSU) president today! yup thats right, i talked to her today! Well...more like argued politely!!! haha, i don't even go to ryerson.
Was sitting with Pri and Warren in their clubs office, when the woman who does all of their bookings (i think?) came to the office to tell them about a postcard the RSU was selling that disturbed her. I think it said something like "Kill in the name of Jesus" and was apparently meant to "promote discussion" about fundamentalist Christianity in the States... but i mean come on! what would people think when they saw that postcard? All it does is promote hatred towards Christians--gee. shocker.
anyways, pri, warren and i decided to go see this postcard that a NON-CHRISTIAN was even offended by...and pri could tell that i wanted to say something...so she said that i should say it...so i started talking to the girl working at the desk...who then referred me/us to the president of the Ryerson students' union....who i argued with (argued seems like the wrong word...its not as though there was shouting or anything) for a good 8 minutes...but it went nowhere. of course being politically correct, she said that she'd take it up with the group who was selling the postcards. yeah right.
next time i go to ryerson i will make a stink again.
haha.
today in our dg we took a field trip.
well, it was more like steve and J who took me on a field trip. no one else came for today's dg, which i thought was probably one of the most eye opening DGs.
i mean when you go to a cemetary for DG its pretty interesting...and definitely makes the study more applicable to one's own life.
i'll blog more about it later.
when i die, what will my epitaph say?
***
oh and sometime this summer i want to have a FRIENDS marathon and a REBA marathon. we'll rent all the seasons and watch them. i wonder how many episodes one could watch in a row. hmm 12 hours per season, 10 seasons for FRIENDS....120 hours. 5 straight days...haha..yeaaah its not happening man. forget that i even suggested this.
well, it was more like steve and J who took me on a field trip. no one else came for today's dg, which i thought was probably one of the most eye opening DGs.
i mean when you go to a cemetary for DG its pretty interesting...and definitely makes the study more applicable to one's own life.
i'll blog more about it later.
when i die, what will my epitaph say?
***
oh and sometime this summer i want to have a FRIENDS marathon and a REBA marathon. we'll rent all the seasons and watch them. i wonder how many episodes one could watch in a row. hmm 12 hours per season, 10 seasons for FRIENDS....120 hours. 5 straight days...haha..yeaaah its not happening man. forget that i even suggested this.
dimanche, mars 26, 2006
i am addicted to yogurt covered fruit and nut bar thingies. so good. oh man. i have to find a bulk barn and stock up!!!
***
to the person who tried to hack into my e-mail this weekend: i don't know if you succeeded, you probably didn't...but regardless--thats a jerk thing to do! i'm assuming you're someone i know, because i'm not that interesting to people i don't know. if you'd like to take a gander at my e-mail account, just ask me sheesh, its not like i have anything to hide. but hacking is not cool, whoever you are!
***
so apparently, the mormons are coming to our apartment on tuesday. if y'all want to come check out the gong-show, please do. if not, pray for us. this'll be a good umm practice of apologetics. nevertheless i acknowledge the spiritual battle which will go on, so prayers are appreciated.
***
oh and someone is scamming our wireless internet. and we have no clue how to stop this person. but i was checking out her music on itunes (since she's on our network)...and this is the creepy thing. her playlist is remarkably similar to mine. the postal service, sigur ros, death cab for cutie, belle and sebastian...even the jackson five!
however, she also has jennifer lopez. and i would never sink THAT low. sometimes i think i might be turning into a music snob. nah, i'm not that far gone yet.
***
God is good and His gospel is sweet.
thanks for the prayers guys.
i'll qualify this. today, i was brought to tears by the beauty of God's gospel as a friend exclaimed "i wish i had known this (referring to the gospel) before. i wish i had grown up with this."
sometimes, i get so swept up in the DOING, that i forget about why i do the things i do. but this weekend, i was so touched by the beauty and sweetness of the gospel. oh how it brings healing to those who ask for it!
perhaps this is the first time in a long while that i've been awakened to the loveliness of the gospel. well, the first time in a long while that its hit my calloused heart in a new way.
feels like spring is coming guys. i feel like i have lots of energy to do His work :)
Resting in His arms is a good thing.
***
to the person who tried to hack into my e-mail this weekend: i don't know if you succeeded, you probably didn't...but regardless--thats a jerk thing to do! i'm assuming you're someone i know, because i'm not that interesting to people i don't know. if you'd like to take a gander at my e-mail account, just ask me sheesh, its not like i have anything to hide. but hacking is not cool, whoever you are!
***
so apparently, the mormons are coming to our apartment on tuesday. if y'all want to come check out the gong-show, please do. if not, pray for us. this'll be a good umm practice of apologetics. nevertheless i acknowledge the spiritual battle which will go on, so prayers are appreciated.
***
oh and someone is scamming our wireless internet. and we have no clue how to stop this person. but i was checking out her music on itunes (since she's on our network)...and this is the creepy thing. her playlist is remarkably similar to mine. the postal service, sigur ros, death cab for cutie, belle and sebastian...even the jackson five!
however, she also has jennifer lopez. and i would never sink THAT low. sometimes i think i might be turning into a music snob. nah, i'm not that far gone yet.
***
God is good and His gospel is sweet.
thanks for the prayers guys.
i'll qualify this. today, i was brought to tears by the beauty of God's gospel as a friend exclaimed "i wish i had known this (referring to the gospel) before. i wish i had grown up with this."
sometimes, i get so swept up in the DOING, that i forget about why i do the things i do. but this weekend, i was so touched by the beauty and sweetness of the gospel. oh how it brings healing to those who ask for it!
perhaps this is the first time in a long while that i've been awakened to the loveliness of the gospel. well, the first time in a long while that its hit my calloused heart in a new way.
feels like spring is coming guys. i feel like i have lots of energy to do His work :)
Resting in His arms is a good thing.
samedi, mars 25, 2006
vendredi, mars 24, 2006
well guys, i did it! i cut my hair all by myself for the first time.
actually, i didn't really cut all of my hair..i just gave myself bangs--i was tired of waiting to make a hair appointment, and i didn't want to shell over $15 bucks so i could have bangs. so i did it myself.
yay! i feel proud of myself! no more hair in the eyes. maybe someday i'll progress to giving myself a REAL haircut. that would be very wex.
actually, i didn't really cut all of my hair..i just gave myself bangs--i was tired of waiting to make a hair appointment, and i didn't want to shell over $15 bucks so i could have bangs. so i did it myself.
yay! i feel proud of myself! no more hair in the eyes. maybe someday i'll progress to giving myself a REAL haircut. that would be very wex.
jeudi, mars 23, 2006
multiple things on the mind.
- thought #1
there is something that i want really badly--i want it so much. the question is: will it happen?
have you ever prayed and prayed and prayed for something, believing with your whole heart that it would come to pass...only for it to not happen? for me, it then becomes a struggle not to be disappointed and angry at God-- in my head i KNOW that He has bigger plans, but it still remains a struggle.
i want this so badly, and i believe that it can and will come to pass...and yet, i'm scared that it won't and i'll end up angry at God. make sense?
if i'm thinking about this already, am i doubting God? is this representative of my lack of faith--the fact that i'm prepping myself for 'disasater' so to speak? perhaps...
but at the same time, i believe...or i WANT to believe. i know that things are not over until HE says they are over--Christ dictates reality, not our circumstances. i truly believe this. but this is one of those times, where i'm not sure what to expect. nowhere does it say in the Bible that things will go my way.
i guess all i can do is take this step of faith in obedience and trust that what comes to pass is what He wants to happen and will be what glorifies Him the most.
(i know this is ambiguous. purposefully so. if you know what i'm talking about, please also make your comments purposefully ambiguous as well. )
- thought #2: frustration!!
for awhile now, i've been blessed to have no 'drama' in my life. the days of 'delilah' are over. i used to bemoan being single. hmm bemoan is a rather strong word to use. i suppose it would be more realistic to say that i was unsatisfied with my singlehood. granted, i would have never actually ADMITTED this... but it is true--and evident by the fact that i have had a crush on many a boy (wow in reading the past couple of lines, i've made myself sound like a female version of don juan or something. i assure you, despite what pri says, i am no delilah).
but for the past while, i have been so blessed to find myself in a place of contentment, where i am single and truly enjoying it. not only that, but i don't even find myself attracted to anyone . This is a pretty big feat (and by no means done on my own strength), because if you have ever hung out with girls (or mike dytynyshyn or joe choi) a topic that always seems to pop up is boys, boys, boys. who likes who, who should be paired up with who...etc. ugh.
to summarize: i am single and loving it!
So lately i've become really frustrated when people hint that i should like "so and so" or try to not-so-subtly match-make me. Some of my friends have told me they think a friend of mine likes me--that in itself is fine. they can tell me whatever they want. But when i told one of my friends i wasn't interested she said, and i quote, "why not? you haven't even given him a chance! from what you've told me he's a solid guy!"
What, so i start dating him just because he's a solid guy? should i date EVERY single solid christian guy? what kind of mindset is that?
Why is it so wrong to be single and to enjoy being single and to NOT want to like anyone? i don't want a boyfriend right now and i DON'T have feelings for anyone...so why should i give this guy a chance? just for the sake of it? just to say i did it? come on now! we're not 14 anymore, when it was cool to have a handholder! been there, done that, it wasn't all that great.
a little friendly teasing once in awhile i can take...but lately its been absurd. i'm not blaming a particular friend--its almost ALL my friends who are into these little jokes and such. last summer, a lot of joking went on--and it proved to make me a very confused person. after awhile, jokes like "you should get together with so and so" or "lydia likes _____" have a way of seeping into your head, making you feel things you wouldn't have otherwise and getting you all confused. feelings i had this summer didn't naturally come from me, they were to a large extent, the byproduct of all the teasing that went on.
it wasn't cool. i didn't say anything then, because i thought i was strong enough and i thought it was anal to get upset over a little teasing. but i think this time i need to put my foot down.
i like being single, i want to be single, i don't have a crush on anyone and thats that. so don't try to matchmake me and don't tell me that i should give 'so-and-so' a chance, because its NOT going to happen.
someday, i'll want to be in a relationship and when that day comes, it'll be great. y'all can tease me all you want. especially priyanka. i know you'll loooove making a funny toast at my wedding about being 'a delilah'. but right now, i'm not in one, and i don't have any prospects, and i don't want to get all worked up about fantasies that aren't reality. so everyone, please save the jokes for another day. i promise, hold the jokes now, and IF i get married you can make a super funny, idiotic toast at my wedding.
if not, you can make it at my funeral.
edit: just to qualify this, this thought was NOT in reference to anyone specific. if you choose to read it as though its about you, thats your prerogative, but as a warning it WASN'T about any one friend in particular.
- thought #3: addictions
msn addiction.
its sad to say, but i kinda miss msn. there are certain people that i only ever talk to on msn, and i miss the possibility of talking to them. for example, my friend beth from Montreal project--i don't even talk to her that much, but when i do, its on msn. even so, i don't talk to her all that much on msn. but i miss the POSSIBILITY of talking to her. does that make sense? there's other people in the same category as beth as well. people like parker and matt rice--i want to know where they're going next year, if they've made a decision, if they've heard back. but i only ever talk to them on msn. or people like darren who are far away.
again, in all these cases, i don't even talk to them much on msn. but i miss the possibility of doing so.
i miss chatting with my dad on msn about my bank account.
and i miss chatting with shelly--will call you sometime next week bella!
wow the addiction is a strong one. lame.
- thought #4: money
wow i'm just churning out the thoughts. i'm not good with my money. i know i'm not. but i'm currently reading one of Janette's books-- Money, Posessions and Eternity by Randy Alcorn..and i'm determined to become better with my money. the book has been really convicting. ugh!
"Jesus Christ said more about money than about any other single thing because, when it comes to a man's real nature, money is of first importance. Money is an exact index of a man's true character. All through Scripture there is an intimate correlation between the development of a man's character and how he handles his money."~ Richard Halverson
up till now, i've never really seen a need to be all that cautious--i figured, so long as i tithed things were good. i've never been conscientious in glorifying God through how i spend my money. but things are going to have to change.
(i think my dad will like this thought a lot)
today i saw a chocolate cupcake. chocolate with sprinkles. it looked deliciously tantalizing.
i wanted one.
the thing is, i already had one of these cupcakes on sunday, and despite it looking delicious, it actually tasted quite bad.
so today, when she brought the cupcakes in, i told myself that i would not take one. i was satisfied with the cookies i had just devoured and the chocolate milk i had just drunk.
but as everyone else took one, i couldn't help but glance at the box that held the cupcakes. they were so alluring. "eat me. eat me." they cried.
so i took a cupcake. but the first bite was just as horrible as i had anticipated.
i stuffed the cupcake into my milk carton and threw it away after class.
***
a small part of my life is currently like today's cupcake escapade. i like where i am, i don't want things to be different at all. and yet, the cupcake is so alluring. i know that once the cupcake is in my grasp, i won't want it at all...but i still want it.
cryptic, i know.
i wanted one.
the thing is, i already had one of these cupcakes on sunday, and despite it looking delicious, it actually tasted quite bad.
so today, when she brought the cupcakes in, i told myself that i would not take one. i was satisfied with the cookies i had just devoured and the chocolate milk i had just drunk.
but as everyone else took one, i couldn't help but glance at the box that held the cupcakes. they were so alluring. "eat me. eat me." they cried.
so i took a cupcake. but the first bite was just as horrible as i had anticipated.
i stuffed the cupcake into my milk carton and threw it away after class.
***
a small part of my life is currently like today's cupcake escapade. i like where i am, i don't want things to be different at all. and yet, the cupcake is so alluring. i know that once the cupcake is in my grasp, i won't want it at all...but i still want it.
cryptic, i know.
mercredi, mars 22, 2006
wow i'm just blogging away eh? i wanted to post this, because i found it to be a good read...not so applicable for myself, since i am very single...and couldn't even picture myself dating a non-Christian guy ( imagine date#2: "so honey, would you like to listen to john piper tonight?" haha what a disaster that would be)...
nevertheless i found this to be interesting and i know its applicable in the lives of some of my friends.
Circumstances and Providence by Carolyn McCulley
In my book, I looked at the story of Ruth and how Naomi surveyed her forlorn circumstances and concluded that God's hand had gone out against her. She was convinced there would be no further favor from God. But God's providence is quiet and often hard to detect until viewed in hindsight. Such was the case with Naomi. She had no idea that as she returned home to Bethlehem in time for the barley harvest that this would be the very same harvest God would use to bless her beyond her wildest hopes.
There is a flip side to how we view our circumstances and God's providence. In Naomi's case, she didn't see anything favorable happening so she surmised God would not bless her once again. But what if circumstances seem to hand us exactly what we want? Is that automatically confirmation of God's will? Not necessarily. Bruce Waltke addresses this in his book, Finding the Will of God. In his chapter on providence, he writes: "God gave us the Bible so that we would have His truth and could live our lives by its light. Do not put circumstances above God's Word. Don't allow your circumstances to contradict God's Word."
Dr. Waltke illustrates this concept from the account of David and Saul in the cave, found in 1 Samuel 24:1-22. Saul had been hunting David, and suddenly he enters the cave where David and his men are hiding out. Saul is in a vulnerable position as he relieves himself and it seems that God has delivered him straight into David's hands. As Dr. Waltke writes:
David had the opportunity to kill his enemy. The circumstances were propitious. The ruffians around David tried to convince him with an argument of circumstances: "It's perfect! It must be God's will!" So David began to follow them, and cut off a corner of the king's garment as a sign of insurrection. But then David's conscience smote him because Scriptures say you cannot touch God's anointed. Once God has anointed someone with holy oil, the Lord Himself must dispose of him. David was not to do it on his own terms. He was not to put a fortuitous circumstance above the Word of God. You can't take a bit of good timing as concrete evidence of God's will. You can't take God's providence and make it normative for every situation, or you will get into big trouble. David could have brought permanent harm to Israel by usurping the throne through violence.
As I meditated on this passage and Dr. Waltke's exposition, I had a burden for a few women who might be reading this post today and be tempted by their own circumstances. Specifically, I sensed the Lord may want to gently warn the Christian woman who is in a relationship with an unbelieving man. Your circumstances may be like Naomi's--you've surveyed the church and concluded that there are no single men around you. Or the men in your church have never pursued a relationship with you. You only see barrenness and drought where you thought there would be blessing. Then your circumstances have connected you with a non-Christian single man who has expressed some kind of interest. Perhaps you've subtly pursued him or he's asked you out a few times. You have friends like David's, friends who speculate as to whether or not this man has come into your life for a reason. Maybe you can change him. Maybe you will have a godly influence on him. No one else is asking you out, so this must be God's will. . . right?
Yet, your conscience nags you. You know that if this relationship progresses you may be tempted to immorality because his standards are not yours. Or you may end up being unequally yoked in marriage, a direct violation of Scripture. "But," you say to yourself, "he's the only one paying any attention to me! Surely God has opened this door."
You may be right. God may have opened the door. But not so you could walk through it in this manner. He may have opened the door for another reason entirely. You must weigh your circumstances against God's explicit commands in Scripture. If you are still conflicted, seek counsel from your pastor and/or a mature believer. But please don't believe God's providential ordering of your circumstances means you can disobey His Word. Our subjective interpretation of the events of our lives is always to be submitted to the objective Word.
And it may be that God providentially led you to read this entry today just so you can back away from temptation. I have prayed as I've written this post that the Holy Spirit will use it to glorify our Lord Jesus Christ in just this way.
Consider it kind counsel from a friend.
nevertheless i found this to be interesting and i know its applicable in the lives of some of my friends.
Circumstances and Providence by Carolyn McCulley
In my book, I looked at the story of Ruth and how Naomi surveyed her forlorn circumstances and concluded that God's hand had gone out against her. She was convinced there would be no further favor from God. But God's providence is quiet and often hard to detect until viewed in hindsight. Such was the case with Naomi. She had no idea that as she returned home to Bethlehem in time for the barley harvest that this would be the very same harvest God would use to bless her beyond her wildest hopes.
There is a flip side to how we view our circumstances and God's providence. In Naomi's case, she didn't see anything favorable happening so she surmised God would not bless her once again. But what if circumstances seem to hand us exactly what we want? Is that automatically confirmation of God's will? Not necessarily. Bruce Waltke addresses this in his book, Finding the Will of God. In his chapter on providence, he writes: "God gave us the Bible so that we would have His truth and could live our lives by its light. Do not put circumstances above God's Word. Don't allow your circumstances to contradict God's Word."
Dr. Waltke illustrates this concept from the account of David and Saul in the cave, found in 1 Samuel 24:1-22. Saul had been hunting David, and suddenly he enters the cave where David and his men are hiding out. Saul is in a vulnerable position as he relieves himself and it seems that God has delivered him straight into David's hands. As Dr. Waltke writes:
David had the opportunity to kill his enemy. The circumstances were propitious. The ruffians around David tried to convince him with an argument of circumstances: "It's perfect! It must be God's will!" So David began to follow them, and cut off a corner of the king's garment as a sign of insurrection. But then David's conscience smote him because Scriptures say you cannot touch God's anointed. Once God has anointed someone with holy oil, the Lord Himself must dispose of him. David was not to do it on his own terms. He was not to put a fortuitous circumstance above the Word of God. You can't take a bit of good timing as concrete evidence of God's will. You can't take God's providence and make it normative for every situation, or you will get into big trouble. David could have brought permanent harm to Israel by usurping the throne through violence.
As I meditated on this passage and Dr. Waltke's exposition, I had a burden for a few women who might be reading this post today and be tempted by their own circumstances. Specifically, I sensed the Lord may want to gently warn the Christian woman who is in a relationship with an unbelieving man. Your circumstances may be like Naomi's--you've surveyed the church and concluded that there are no single men around you. Or the men in your church have never pursued a relationship with you. You only see barrenness and drought where you thought there would be blessing. Then your circumstances have connected you with a non-Christian single man who has expressed some kind of interest. Perhaps you've subtly pursued him or he's asked you out a few times. You have friends like David's, friends who speculate as to whether or not this man has come into your life for a reason. Maybe you can change him. Maybe you will have a godly influence on him. No one else is asking you out, so this must be God's will. . . right?
Yet, your conscience nags you. You know that if this relationship progresses you may be tempted to immorality because his standards are not yours. Or you may end up being unequally yoked in marriage, a direct violation of Scripture. "But," you say to yourself, "he's the only one paying any attention to me! Surely God has opened this door."
You may be right. God may have opened the door. But not so you could walk through it in this manner. He may have opened the door for another reason entirely. You must weigh your circumstances against God's explicit commands in Scripture. If you are still conflicted, seek counsel from your pastor and/or a mature believer. But please don't believe God's providential ordering of your circumstances means you can disobey His Word. Our subjective interpretation of the events of our lives is always to be submitted to the objective Word.
And it may be that God providentially led you to read this entry today just so you can back away from temptation. I have prayed as I've written this post that the Holy Spirit will use it to glorify our Lord Jesus Christ in just this way.
Consider it kind counsel from a friend.
mardi, mars 21, 2006
snob moment
WERD. NOT WORD.
you know when you say something like "WERD" in the place of saying "thats cool man..." (not like i say things like this. i'm chinese, i would look like a poser)
okay...it is not spelt WORD...its spelt W-E-R-D.
get that right everyone!
***
oh, and 75 hits to the page, 165 page views today...and the result? 4 comments?? wow there sure are a lot of y'all stalkers out there.
WERD. NOT WORD.
you know when you say something like "WERD" in the place of saying "thats cool man..." (not like i say things like this. i'm chinese, i would look like a poser)
okay...it is not spelt WORD...its spelt W-E-R-D.
get that right everyone!
***
oh, and 75 hits to the page, 165 page views today...and the result? 4 comments?? wow there sure are a lot of y'all stalkers out there.
you know what is ridiculously amazing--provided you have a toothbrush and some paste with you?
tuna.
lemon pepper tuna and tomato basil tuna.
you can do pretty much anything with tuna. whole wheat crackers+cream cheese+tuna, sunflower grain bread + tuna (with mayo and sweet onion mustard), a veggie-tuna stirfry, straight out of the can...
wow. the possibilities are endless. lydia's love affair this week is with tuna.
now, if only tuna would motivate me to work. i haven't done anything this morning. i feel like a slob--albeit, a tuna consuming slob. i need a study buddy who will force me to go to the library and study...or who will entice me with promises of tuna.
alas, there is no such person. where art thou study buddy? there must be one of you in the student abyss! come out and volunteer thyself.
if you do, i might even share my tuna with you.
***
one of my friends from high school (she's a year older than me) who got married in summer 04 is pregnant. wowzas. congrats reanna and jerome
i can't even imagine being married...let alone being prego right now. i'm far too immature. i mean my life consists of blogging about tuna for harold's sake! haha.
***
edit 6:55 pm. okay scratch that. my love affair with tuna has ended. in its place...chicken shawarma!! i've never liked shawarma that much..but today i had an amazing chicken shawarma and...okay. i am hooked.
tuna.
lemon pepper tuna and tomato basil tuna.
you can do pretty much anything with tuna. whole wheat crackers+cream cheese+tuna, sunflower grain bread + tuna (with mayo and sweet onion mustard), a veggie-tuna stirfry, straight out of the can...
wow. the possibilities are endless. lydia's love affair this week is with tuna.
now, if only tuna would motivate me to work. i haven't done anything this morning. i feel like a slob--albeit, a tuna consuming slob. i need a study buddy who will force me to go to the library and study...or who will entice me with promises of tuna.
alas, there is no such person. where art thou study buddy? there must be one of you in the student abyss! come out and volunteer thyself.
if you do, i might even share my tuna with you.
***
one of my friends from high school (she's a year older than me) who got married in summer 04 is pregnant. wowzas. congrats reanna and jerome
i can't even imagine being married...let alone being prego right now. i'm far too immature. i mean my life consists of blogging about tuna for harold's sake! haha.
***
edit 6:55 pm. okay scratch that. my love affair with tuna has ended. in its place...chicken shawarma!! i've never liked shawarma that much..but today i had an amazing chicken shawarma and...okay. i am hooked.
lundi, mars 20, 2006
wow....i thought it was already such a blessing to be on the missions bulletin board at church...
but today i got an e-mail from the woman's small group at our church. Check it out. wow. so blessed.
Hi Ladies,
We announced at our last group meeting that we'll
'adopt' Lydia as our missionary.
That means we'll keep in touch with her mission work.
Pray and support her ministry.
Lydia is currently working with Campus Crusade at
University of Toronto.
Prayer for this week & next (before we meet again):
- Pray for the SOIL at U of T. As Maria shared with
us that the ground is hard at U of T. Let's ask God
to soften it so that the gospel seed can grow.
- Also pray for Lydia & campus crusade staff so that
they won't be discouraged by the tough soil but
persevere in their tasks.
Suggestion: Appoint a time (e.g. lunch, dinner, or
before bedtime) to pray for Lydia so you'll remember
her on a regular basis. Put post-it note on your
computer or mark it down as a 'things-to-do' item on
your day-timer/palm pilot.
Sisters, Let's all bang on heaven's door with our
prayers and devotion.
Lydia, let us know of any other prayer items that is
heavy on your heart. We are here for you.
Love-in-Him,
Catherine
***
and now, i'm jumping on this bandwagon since everyone else is doing it. yes, if everyone was jumping out of a plane i would do it too... oh wait. been there, done that.
Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. violin/piano/flute teacher
2. tutor
3. umm does a day of stock taking work?
4. OH hahah working for "couche tard"/macs that one day last summer in montreal. i will never look at slurpees the same way again.
Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Amelie
2. Water
3. My Sassy Girl
4. 13 going on 30
Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Gilmore girls!!
2. Everwood
3. Reba
4. CSI
Four places you have been on vacation:
1. China with the rents
2. Japan (not really a vacation..but kinda!)
3. Florida (a couple of times)
4. Singapore/Malaysia/Hong Kong
Four websites I visit daily (or often):
1. BLOGS--esp. pri and shelly
2. girltalk.blogs.com
3. solofemininity.blogs.com
4. google
Four of your favorite foods:
1. malaysian curry
2. satay hor fan
3. satay pho from pagolac in edmonton
4. chocolate chip oatmeal muffins
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. japan
2. hong kong
3. edmonton
4. somewhere in europe.
but today i got an e-mail from the woman's small group at our church. Check it out. wow. so blessed.
Hi Ladies,
We announced at our last group meeting that we'll
'adopt' Lydia as our missionary.
That means we'll keep in touch with her mission work.
Pray and support her ministry.
Lydia is currently working with Campus Crusade at
University of Toronto.
Prayer for this week & next (before we meet again):
- Pray for the SOIL at U of T. As Maria shared with
us that the ground is hard at U of T. Let's ask God
to soften it so that the gospel seed can grow.
- Also pray for Lydia & campus crusade staff so that
they won't be discouraged by the tough soil but
persevere in their tasks.
Suggestion: Appoint a time (e.g. lunch, dinner, or
before bedtime) to pray for Lydia so you'll remember
her on a regular basis. Put post-it note on your
computer or mark it down as a 'things-to-do' item on
your day-timer/palm pilot.
Sisters, Let's all bang on heaven's door with our
prayers and devotion.
Lydia, let us know of any other prayer items that is
heavy on your heart. We are here for you.
Love-in-Him,
Catherine
***
and now, i'm jumping on this bandwagon since everyone else is doing it. yes, if everyone was jumping out of a plane i would do it too... oh wait. been there, done that.
Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. violin/piano/flute teacher
2. tutor
3. umm does a day of stock taking work?
4. OH hahah working for "couche tard"/macs that one day last summer in montreal. i will never look at slurpees the same way again.
Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Amelie
2. Water
3. My Sassy Girl
4. 13 going on 30
Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Gilmore girls!!
2. Everwood
3. Reba
4. CSI
Four places you have been on vacation:
1. China with the rents
2. Japan (not really a vacation..but kinda!)
3. Florida (a couple of times)
4. Singapore/Malaysia/Hong Kong
Four websites I visit daily (or often):
1. BLOGS--esp. pri and shelly
2. girltalk.blogs.com
3. solofemininity.blogs.com
4. google
Four of your favorite foods:
1. malaysian curry
2. satay hor fan
3. satay pho from pagolac in edmonton
4. chocolate chip oatmeal muffins
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. japan
2. hong kong
3. edmonton
4. somewhere in europe.
dimanche, mars 19, 2006
so my msn has been a pain in the arse for the past couple of days. i don't know if its my internet connection (which has also been a pain the derriere) or my computer (which, notably smelt as though it was burning on friday)...but it doesn't matter.
could this be a sign that msn and i are not fated to be together?
well regardless of the sign, here is my decision. i hereby announce that i am going to attempt to pull an Onifrichuk (named after a friend of mine who successfully disappeared off msn for an extended hiatus--although i saw you online today buddy! is the hiatus over?) and disappear from the msn world for an undetermined period of time. who knows i may be back online tomorrow. or the day i have my 85th birthday party (Lord willing).
i guess time will tell. if you love me, send me a lovely e-mail now and then. if not, i bid thee farewell! ^_^
***
lately i've just been so struck by the community i've found at church and the love that has been shown to me. Despite not hanging out with people at NCAC as much as i would like, i realize that i've been immensely blessed to know so many amazing people. At church we have a missions board, highlighting different missionaries around the world with their update letters pinned to the board. This week, they just completed it..and maria and i made it onto their board! Wow..what a blessing and a privilege to be on the missions board!! That my church doesn't just see me as another member of the congregation..but as one of their missionaries and as someone they will pray for, support and encourage is just beyond me. WEX. i was SO touched. what a blessing. the church i go to isn't perfect..in fact, it is quite far from perfect. admittedly, i have prideful (but somewhat truthful) days where i think to myself, "i just want to go to a church where i can be filled up to a greater extent and where i'll be challenged by the lives of the people living there." But at the same time, i have come to the realization that there is much that i can learn from NCAC--the amount of love and care they have demonstrated towards me and towards others is remarkable. Cliquey is not a term that exists at NCAC, which is pretty amazing in itself. And what an awesome opportunity for me to give back by challenging others at NCAC to live a radical life, sold out for the gospel of Jesus Christ. i think i'm liking this two-way relationship going on, and would like to work harder at it. ^_^
Speaking of love and care--props to Frank who was SUPER patient during praise team practice yesterday. i am definitely not a super-star leader...but Frank allowed me to take ownership of it anyways, and was so patient and loving...despite my great inadequacy as a praise team leader. yay frank!
could this be a sign that msn and i are not fated to be together?
well regardless of the sign, here is my decision. i hereby announce that i am going to attempt to pull an Onifrichuk (named after a friend of mine who successfully disappeared off msn for an extended hiatus--although i saw you online today buddy! is the hiatus over?) and disappear from the msn world for an undetermined period of time. who knows i may be back online tomorrow. or the day i have my 85th birthday party (Lord willing).
i guess time will tell. if you love me, send me a lovely e-mail now and then. if not, i bid thee farewell! ^_^
***
lately i've just been so struck by the community i've found at church and the love that has been shown to me. Despite not hanging out with people at NCAC as much as i would like, i realize that i've been immensely blessed to know so many amazing people. At church we have a missions board, highlighting different missionaries around the world with their update letters pinned to the board. This week, they just completed it..and maria and i made it onto their board! Wow..what a blessing and a privilege to be on the missions board!! That my church doesn't just see me as another member of the congregation..but as one of their missionaries and as someone they will pray for, support and encourage is just beyond me. WEX. i was SO touched. what a blessing. the church i go to isn't perfect..in fact, it is quite far from perfect. admittedly, i have prideful (but somewhat truthful) days where i think to myself, "i just want to go to a church where i can be filled up to a greater extent and where i'll be challenged by the lives of the people living there." But at the same time, i have come to the realization that there is much that i can learn from NCAC--the amount of love and care they have demonstrated towards me and towards others is remarkable. Cliquey is not a term that exists at NCAC, which is pretty amazing in itself. And what an awesome opportunity for me to give back by challenging others at NCAC to live a radical life, sold out for the gospel of Jesus Christ. i think i'm liking this two-way relationship going on, and would like to work harder at it. ^_^
Speaking of love and care--props to Frank who was SUPER patient during praise team practice yesterday. i am definitely not a super-star leader...but Frank allowed me to take ownership of it anyways, and was so patient and loving...despite my great inadequacy as a praise team leader. yay frank!
vendredi, mars 17, 2006
A funny St. Patrick's day story.
Today Pri and i went to get our support letters photocopied. While we were there, an older gentleman with snowy white hair came into the photocopy shop. He went to the back, and found some discarded white rolled up paper and then told priyanka and i that he likes to use the paper to cut out snowflakes. He was a rather cute older gentleman, and so i decided that he was probably a little confused. He proceeded to show us a photocopied biology page with amoeba, and told us that the amoeba were top secret and confidential, and that he was going to shred the page so that no one else would be able to read it. After observing him for awhile, it was clear that he was suffering from some form of schizophrenia. Regardless, he was a cute and tall old man..so pri and i giggled while he said some peculiar things. But the following takes the cake. (Clarification, i'm not laughing at him...we just found what he said to be rather comical...)
"wait," he says as Pri and i are leaving the shop
"i am making some shamrocks for you two!"
He hands us the paper shamrocks he cut out and then says "i knew that you were Irish, i just knew it!!"
haha pretty funny considering that pri is brown and i'm chinese.
i always knew i had irish blood in me. it just had to be recognized!
pics of pri and i with the shamrocks!! Kiss me, i'm irish!
***
Oh another funny story of the day. Some friends were visiting and we went to the Trinity College chapel. And as we were standing there, we hear a voice "hello?"
And since the chapel was empty, we were confused, not knowing where the voice was coming from. We remained quiet, not knowing what to do--unsure of whether we had been too loud or whether a service was going on in another room.
"hello? is anyone there?"
we giggle nervously and still say nothing.
"i need some help."
so we start walking to the front of the chapel, still not knowing where the voice was coming from.
"i'm up here"
we look up, and in the organ loft...there was a man.
*nervous giggles*
in a nasally voice:
"i need help, i'm stuck up here"
i think by then we laughed out loud, feeling a bit relieved that we weren't in trouble, and at the funny situation.
"its not funny! i'm really stuck and actually quite frightened. can you go get someone to let me out?"
haha, we stifle our giggles..but only make it as far as the door before laughing. So i run and get the porter, who says,
"oh Lord, doesn't he have a key? why doesn't he just use the key to get out?"
Porter arrives on scene.
"sir, why don't you just use the key to get out?"
"i can't!"
"just stick the key in"
the guy mumbles something and tosses the key to the porter.
she then says she'll go get him from the organ loft.
but instead proceeds back to the porter's office.
we leave Trinity without finding out if the man is still stuck up there.
hahaha. hilarious!!!
Today Pri and i went to get our support letters photocopied. While we were there, an older gentleman with snowy white hair came into the photocopy shop. He went to the back, and found some discarded white rolled up paper and then told priyanka and i that he likes to use the paper to cut out snowflakes. He was a rather cute older gentleman, and so i decided that he was probably a little confused. He proceeded to show us a photocopied biology page with amoeba, and told us that the amoeba were top secret and confidential, and that he was going to shred the page so that no one else would be able to read it. After observing him for awhile, it was clear that he was suffering from some form of schizophrenia. Regardless, he was a cute and tall old man..so pri and i giggled while he said some peculiar things. But the following takes the cake. (Clarification, i'm not laughing at him...we just found what he said to be rather comical...)
"wait," he says as Pri and i are leaving the shop
"i am making some shamrocks for you two!"
He hands us the paper shamrocks he cut out and then says "i knew that you were Irish, i just knew it!!"
haha pretty funny considering that pri is brown and i'm chinese.
i always knew i had irish blood in me. it just had to be recognized!
pics of pri and i with the shamrocks!! Kiss me, i'm irish!
***
Oh another funny story of the day. Some friends were visiting and we went to the Trinity College chapel. And as we were standing there, we hear a voice "hello?"
And since the chapel was empty, we were confused, not knowing where the voice was coming from. We remained quiet, not knowing what to do--unsure of whether we had been too loud or whether a service was going on in another room.
"hello? is anyone there?"
we giggle nervously and still say nothing.
"i need some help."
so we start walking to the front of the chapel, still not knowing where the voice was coming from.
"i'm up here"
we look up, and in the organ loft...there was a man.
*nervous giggles*
in a nasally voice:
"i need help, i'm stuck up here"
i think by then we laughed out loud, feeling a bit relieved that we weren't in trouble, and at the funny situation.
"its not funny! i'm really stuck and actually quite frightened. can you go get someone to let me out?"
haha, we stifle our giggles..but only make it as far as the door before laughing. So i run and get the porter, who says,
"oh Lord, doesn't he have a key? why doesn't he just use the key to get out?"
Porter arrives on scene.
"sir, why don't you just use the key to get out?"
"i can't!"
"just stick the key in"
the guy mumbles something and tosses the key to the porter.
she then says she'll go get him from the organ loft.
but instead proceeds back to the porter's office.
we leave Trinity without finding out if the man is still stuck up there.
hahaha. hilarious!!!
jeudi, mars 16, 2006
man i honestly love love love ballet. there's nothing like the feeling after a good class.
yum.
and the old women who come up after class and say "oh darling, you are such a beautiful dancer." add to the fun goodness too. even if its an untruth, it still feels nice to be good at something. hehe.
y'all are all welcome to come watch a class anytime (no performance this year, sorry!) oh..by "y'all" i mean the people i actually know. not random blog stalkers. that would be kinda freaky.
***
now, while we're on the subject of ballet, lets talk about one of lydia's BIGGEST pet peeves.
i hate it when guys diss ballet, as though its something girly. That conception stems from ignorance and a desire for guys to seem macho. Makes me so mad. i'd like to see anyone--even a football player lift a 120 pound, 6 foot girl over their heads and jump and run at the same time. The endurance and strength needed is phenomenal. Not to mention the gift of artistry required in combination with the mental effort required. i wish macho guys would just get over themselves and stop trying to put up this image that artistry and emotion are for girls. And as an aside, even football players go to the National Ballet for training.
Oh, and btw, the two guys in my class on saturdays are buff and good looking AND sweet. which i'd take any day over guys who are really just insecure about their masculinity and mask it by being macho.
AHH. just makes me so irritated.
Anyways, tell me that yosuke mino doesn't look buff here. i mean check out those muscles. muscles which i'm sure most guys don't even know they possess.
oh, and girls who dance aren't pansies either. check out these puppies. not mine, but not far from what mine used to look like when i did pointe work. its a day to celebrate when you bleed through your shoe. ^_^
yum.
and the old women who come up after class and say "oh darling, you are such a beautiful dancer." add to the fun goodness too. even if its an untruth, it still feels nice to be good at something. hehe.
y'all are all welcome to come watch a class anytime (no performance this year, sorry!) oh..by "y'all" i mean the people i actually know. not random blog stalkers. that would be kinda freaky.
***
now, while we're on the subject of ballet, lets talk about one of lydia's BIGGEST pet peeves.
i hate it when guys diss ballet, as though its something girly. That conception stems from ignorance and a desire for guys to seem macho. Makes me so mad. i'd like to see anyone--even a football player lift a 120 pound, 6 foot girl over their heads and jump and run at the same time. The endurance and strength needed is phenomenal. Not to mention the gift of artistry required in combination with the mental effort required. i wish macho guys would just get over themselves and stop trying to put up this image that artistry and emotion are for girls. And as an aside, even football players go to the National Ballet for training.
Oh, and btw, the two guys in my class on saturdays are buff and good looking AND sweet. which i'd take any day over guys who are really just insecure about their masculinity and mask it by being macho.
AHH. just makes me so irritated.
Anyways, tell me that yosuke mino doesn't look buff here. i mean check out those muscles. muscles which i'm sure most guys don't even know they possess.
oh, and girls who dance aren't pansies either. check out these puppies. not mine, but not far from what mine used to look like when i did pointe work. its a day to celebrate when you bleed through your shoe. ^_^
so enticing. i wonder if one can intern with them for a year. hmm. food for thought.
Christian Embassy to the United Nations.
okay so yeah, i read this and got all excited. THIS is what i've spent the last three years studying! How fun would it be to end up working in this area of ministry.
of course, there are so many fun options out there. quebec ministry being one of them.
so many choices. thank goodness i'm not graduating this year!
Christian Embassy to the United Nations.
okay so yeah, i read this and got all excited. THIS is what i've spent the last three years studying! How fun would it be to end up working in this area of ministry.
of course, there are so many fun options out there. quebec ministry being one of them.
so many choices. thank goodness i'm not graduating this year!
mercredi, mars 15, 2006
But now, if you will forgive their sin--but if not, please blot me out of your book that you have written. ~ Exodus 32:32
I am speaking the truth in Christ--I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit-- that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh. ~ Romans 9:1-3
its one thing to say i would give up my life for Christ.
but wow. that my heart would break so much for the lost that i would be willing to give up my own salvation to see God's glory manifested throughout is a whole new perspective.
***
in other news, does anyone know of a Christian ministry in Toronto dealing with women who work as prostitutes? I loved our prayer ministry in this area last summer in Montreal, and i think i'd like to get involved with some sort of ministry dealing with the sex trade this summer. anyone know of anything?
I am speaking the truth in Christ--I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit-- that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh. ~ Romans 9:1-3
its one thing to say i would give up my life for Christ.
but wow. that my heart would break so much for the lost that i would be willing to give up my own salvation to see God's glory manifested throughout is a whole new perspective.
***
in other news, does anyone know of a Christian ministry in Toronto dealing with women who work as prostitutes? I loved our prayer ministry in this area last summer in Montreal, and i think i'd like to get involved with some sort of ministry dealing with the sex trade this summer. anyone know of anything?
mardi, mars 14, 2006
Newsflash. lydia is a workaholic.
its insane. without pressure its as though i can't function. ADD central. i've been blessed with an enormous gift of time, and what have i done with the talents? i've planted them in the ground instead of investing them.
lame lydia lame.
here's the dilemma. without the pressure of work, all i do is loaf around. loafing is NOT resting. its loafing. reading blogs is loafing. spending time on msn is loafing. these don't make me feel more relaxed, they just make me feel like a lazy bum. loafing is loafing, and i'm becoming a loafer. i STILL go to bed tired and wake up even more tired. why? because i haven't been resting, i've been loafing!!
at the same time, i have difficulty doing relaxing things--i often feel guilty, as though i should be doing something more important. When i sit down to read, i think to myself, "wow..i could be doing something so much more productive." or when i meet up with friends, i think "wow, this is 2 hours i should be spending doing REAL work."
of course, i always have fun when i hang out with friends.
i need to rid myself of this type of thinking. i can't be productive if i'm stressed and if i'm wired on coffee and cocacola. concurrently i will not be productive if i'm being a loafer. notice this: i tend to extremes. i either love things (jack johnson) or hate things (IBS--inductive bible study...not irritable bowel syndrome) i either work like a madwoman or loaf like a 27 year old chinese gamer who still lives with his parents. NEITHER is good! i must start learning how to live life in the middle ground.
goal: to STOP being a loafer. to START enjoying relaxing. and to DO relaxing things.
i've also given myself a little pressure to get my life back in order (loafing around has meant getting behind on schoolwork, a messy bedroom and feeling tired and fat 24/7) by committing to go visit a friend from high school who lives in London. If i want to have a fun time with her then i HAVE to get all my work done before i go see her! Nice, friendly pressure to give lydia a shove in her derriere. just what i need.
List of things Lydia would like to do during her month o' relaxation.
- hang out with friends more often
- read a GOOD book. or numerous good books.
- visit faraway friends (well..not TOO far away)
- cook some awesome and amazing food.
- spend some time getting better at IBS (ha ha)
- work on support raising for this summer
- exercise
- get caught up on school work
- go sharing by myself instead of going with others.
***
speaking of sharing. Camille (the girl i disciple) and i went sharing today. we approached these two girls who were SO welcoming! i've never had an experience where students at U of T were SO willing to talk right off the bat. The first words out of the one girl's mouth was, "SURE! we were actually JUST talking about how one of our friends converted to Judaism from Christianity."
good times.
***
Camille led my DG for the first time today. It was cute. she was nervous..but just so cute! ^_^ i love watching as faith barriers are overcome!
***
also had a fun time meeting up with Warren today--was like the old days when we'd meet up every thursday and go for lunch. thanks warren! pri joined us in the ryerson C4C office, we prayed for a tiny bit and then chatted for a bit. it was just what i needed. MUCHLY relaxing...DEFINITELY more so than reading blogs and msn'ing.
***
Oh, and i forgot to write about this funny tidbit..until i read shelly's blog.
As i was walking outside today, there was this couple..and this guy put something into his girlfriend's mouth..and then proceeded to kiss her and suck it out of her mouth into his. DISGUSTING. like what the heck?? at any rate, i actually verbalized my thoughts...but a bit too loud, because they stopped and looked at me.go lydia!
yeah thats right. i don't want no PDA in my face man. thats disgusting. go get a room or something. better yet, stop sharing food like that. its gross. its not cute. its not adorable. its disgusting and vile and i hope that i never see something like that again. ugh. especially watching the food ooze out in that gap between their lips. NAST i tell you NAST!
***
on a happier note...
yesterday, my blog made it to
25 000
hits (and almost 40,000 page views). i know its not a lot compared to the famous..but its a lot for me! yay blog! teehee. i feel so popular. who reads this? if you read this you should comment. because i say so! ^_^
its insane. without pressure its as though i can't function. ADD central. i've been blessed with an enormous gift of time, and what have i done with the talents? i've planted them in the ground instead of investing them.
lame lydia lame.
here's the dilemma. without the pressure of work, all i do is loaf around. loafing is NOT resting. its loafing. reading blogs is loafing. spending time on msn is loafing. these don't make me feel more relaxed, they just make me feel like a lazy bum. loafing is loafing, and i'm becoming a loafer. i STILL go to bed tired and wake up even more tired. why? because i haven't been resting, i've been loafing!!
at the same time, i have difficulty doing relaxing things--i often feel guilty, as though i should be doing something more important. When i sit down to read, i think to myself, "wow..i could be doing something so much more productive." or when i meet up with friends, i think "wow, this is 2 hours i should be spending doing REAL work."
of course, i always have fun when i hang out with friends.
i need to rid myself of this type of thinking. i can't be productive if i'm stressed and if i'm wired on coffee and cocacola. concurrently i will not be productive if i'm being a loafer. notice this: i tend to extremes. i either love things (jack johnson) or hate things (IBS--inductive bible study...not irritable bowel syndrome) i either work like a madwoman or loaf like a 27 year old chinese gamer who still lives with his parents. NEITHER is good! i must start learning how to live life in the middle ground.
goal: to STOP being a loafer. to START enjoying relaxing. and to DO relaxing things.
i've also given myself a little pressure to get my life back in order (loafing around has meant getting behind on schoolwork, a messy bedroom and feeling tired and fat 24/7) by committing to go visit a friend from high school who lives in London. If i want to have a fun time with her then i HAVE to get all my work done before i go see her! Nice, friendly pressure to give lydia a shove in her derriere. just what i need.
List of things Lydia would like to do during her month o' relaxation.
- hang out with friends more often
- read a GOOD book. or numerous good books.
- visit faraway friends (well..not TOO far away)
- cook some awesome and amazing food.
- spend some time getting better at IBS (ha ha)
- work on support raising for this summer
- exercise
- get caught up on school work
- go sharing by myself instead of going with others.
***
speaking of sharing. Camille (the girl i disciple) and i went sharing today. we approached these two girls who were SO welcoming! i've never had an experience where students at U of T were SO willing to talk right off the bat. The first words out of the one girl's mouth was, "SURE! we were actually JUST talking about how one of our friends converted to Judaism from Christianity."
good times.
***
Camille led my DG for the first time today. It was cute. she was nervous..but just so cute! ^_^ i love watching as faith barriers are overcome!
***
also had a fun time meeting up with Warren today--was like the old days when we'd meet up every thursday and go for lunch. thanks warren! pri joined us in the ryerson C4C office, we prayed for a tiny bit and then chatted for a bit. it was just what i needed. MUCHLY relaxing...DEFINITELY more so than reading blogs and msn'ing.
***
Oh, and i forgot to write about this funny tidbit..until i read shelly's blog.
As i was walking outside today, there was this couple..and this guy put something into his girlfriend's mouth..and then proceeded to kiss her and suck it out of her mouth into his. DISGUSTING. like what the heck?? at any rate, i actually verbalized my thoughts...but a bit too loud, because they stopped and looked at me.go lydia!
yeah thats right. i don't want no PDA in my face man. thats disgusting. go get a room or something. better yet, stop sharing food like that. its gross. its not cute. its not adorable. its disgusting and vile and i hope that i never see something like that again. ugh. especially watching the food ooze out in that gap between their lips. NAST i tell you NAST!
***
on a happier note...
yesterday, my blog made it to
25 000
hits (and almost 40,000 page views). i know its not a lot compared to the famous..but its a lot for me! yay blog! teehee. i feel so popular. who reads this? if you read this you should comment. because i say so! ^_^
lundi, mars 13, 2006
love this! most of them are asian too! a definite feat.
(ignore the sketch music)
***
rice+black bean sauce+ hoisin sauce+ teriyaki sauce+ sweet peas, mangoes, pineapple, green,yellow and red peppers, water chestnuts and beansprouts= remedy for a day-long headache.
***
haha i love the white guy. he's hilarious.
dimanche, mars 12, 2006
oh man, ADD central!! been watching hip hop videos instead of doing the work i should be doing!!
haven't been a part of a hip hop team since grade 12..but suddenly i have this huge urge to find myself a dance team to be a part of. maybe this summer. there must be a christian hip hop team somewhere in Toronto. would be super fun. anyone want to join me in my quest?
okay ENOUGH daydreaming lydia! time to get back to it!
***
Today, i acquired the Curious George soundtrack--LOVE IT! and In Between Dreams by Jack Johnson (used a giftcard i was given for Christmas)... love the new sounds.
Does anyone listen to Belle and Sebastian? I haven't heard any of their stuff really..but i have a sneaking suspicion that i would like them--thoughts? opinions? does anyone have a CD i could borrow to listen to? i wouldn't teef it (see previous post)...i just want to see if they're pleasant to my ears..which i could figure out in one listen. let me know.
haven't been a part of a hip hop team since grade 12..but suddenly i have this huge urge to find myself a dance team to be a part of. maybe this summer. there must be a christian hip hop team somewhere in Toronto. would be super fun. anyone want to join me in my quest?
okay ENOUGH daydreaming lydia! time to get back to it!
***
Today, i acquired the Curious George soundtrack--LOVE IT! and In Between Dreams by Jack Johnson (used a giftcard i was given for Christmas)... love the new sounds.
Does anyone listen to Belle and Sebastian? I haven't heard any of their stuff really..but i have a sneaking suspicion that i would like them--thoughts? opinions? does anyone have a CD i could borrow to listen to? i wouldn't teef it (see previous post)...i just want to see if they're pleasant to my ears..which i could figure out in one listen. let me know.
samedi, mars 11, 2006
i love love love love love love ballet on saturdays.
man oh man. YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE EVEN BETTER??
a ballet class done to jack johnson...kinda contemporary jazz ballet with a modern flair. oh man that would be sweet like nougat.
some day.
***
on a different note, i wanted to talk about something that i've been thinking about for a long time now--i've been having discussions about it with over 10 people, so i figure its nice and controversial and will make for a good post. hopefully y'all will have something to comment!! :)
As Christians, what should our stance be on "sharing/downloading" music illegally--i.e. not paying for it. The Christian community is pretty divided. On one hand, most of my musically inclined friends i.e friends who are pretty into music, whether it be performance wise, or avid listeners (i include myself in this mix) are fairly adamant that "sharing" *cough*stealing*cough* is wrong--if you haven't paid for your music its stealing (unless its offered for free on the artist's website or through the free song of the week on itunes..you get the gist). i believe, that as Christians, we shouldn't buy what most of the world says about how its okay to "share" music--stealing is stealing. Regardless if someone who has bought the CD OFFERS to let you rip it off of them or you actively seek it.
Additionally, its not the big corporations like Virgin or Sony Records who ultimately lose out...its the artist. I know the general flow of thought is.."well, they're rich anyways...what is U2 going to lose out on if i download their music off of Kazaa"... but to me, thats like saying "i can steal a car from a millionaire's house because they're rich, they can buy another one without even a blink of an eye."
stealing is stealing. I mean come on, if you love an artist enough to download their music, then pay the $0.99 cents per song because you love their music. Sharing takes away the value of music and degrades it to nothing. Music is art..and art should be prized and valued. Artists make their living off of the music they create (albeit, not all "music" is art haha...but that's another subject altogether...)
On the other hand, there are the Christians who think its fine to share music--i can't really speak for this side, because i don't really see how its fair or right. i suppose it comes down to the question "is it actually stealing?" While I believe it is, i have many good, solid friends who disagree.
this debate, of course extends beyond the realm of religion, into the secular world, where it is just as much of a question that is posed, as the Christian world. in fact, i'd say a larger proportion of my non-Christian friends do not download music illegally...but that's also probably in part because a larger proportion of my non-Christian friends are super artsy and indie.
i simply have taken this debate and moved it into a Christian context, because i believe that we should be living our lives differently that the dictates and standards of the world--and thus should really be focussing on these questions in addition to theology and such.
Anyways, i'd love to hear your opinions. haha i'm not sure why i'm so adamant about this issue...maybe its because i'm surrounded by many talented artists who i would love to see make it big..and would be angered if people started stealing their music...or maybe its because i pay the $0.99 cents if i want a song badly...or maybe its empathy... because if i was a famous artist, i'd be pretty pissed off that people were degrading my art into worthless cacophony...maybe its a combination of both. at anyrate...go now and comment! Type away children, type away!
man oh man. YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE EVEN BETTER??
a ballet class done to jack johnson...kinda contemporary jazz ballet with a modern flair. oh man that would be sweet like nougat.
some day.
***
on a different note, i wanted to talk about something that i've been thinking about for a long time now--i've been having discussions about it with over 10 people, so i figure its nice and controversial and will make for a good post. hopefully y'all will have something to comment!! :)
As Christians, what should our stance be on "sharing/downloading" music illegally--i.e. not paying for it. The Christian community is pretty divided. On one hand, most of my musically inclined friends i.e friends who are pretty into music, whether it be performance wise, or avid listeners (i include myself in this mix) are fairly adamant that "sharing" *cough*stealing*cough* is wrong--if you haven't paid for your music its stealing (unless its offered for free on the artist's website or through the free song of the week on itunes..you get the gist). i believe, that as Christians, we shouldn't buy what most of the world says about how its okay to "share" music--stealing is stealing. Regardless if someone who has bought the CD OFFERS to let you rip it off of them or you actively seek it.
Additionally, its not the big corporations like Virgin or Sony Records who ultimately lose out...its the artist. I know the general flow of thought is.."well, they're rich anyways...what is U2 going to lose out on if i download their music off of Kazaa"... but to me, thats like saying "i can steal a car from a millionaire's house because they're rich, they can buy another one without even a blink of an eye."
stealing is stealing. I mean come on, if you love an artist enough to download their music, then pay the $0.99 cents per song because you love their music. Sharing takes away the value of music and degrades it to nothing. Music is art..and art should be prized and valued. Artists make their living off of the music they create (albeit, not all "music" is art haha...but that's another subject altogether...)
On the other hand, there are the Christians who think its fine to share music--i can't really speak for this side, because i don't really see how its fair or right. i suppose it comes down to the question "is it actually stealing?" While I believe it is, i have many good, solid friends who disagree.
this debate, of course extends beyond the realm of religion, into the secular world, where it is just as much of a question that is posed, as the Christian world. in fact, i'd say a larger proportion of my non-Christian friends do not download music illegally...but that's also probably in part because a larger proportion of my non-Christian friends are super artsy and indie.
i simply have taken this debate and moved it into a Christian context, because i believe that we should be living our lives differently that the dictates and standards of the world--and thus should really be focussing on these questions in addition to theology and such.
Anyways, i'd love to hear your opinions. haha i'm not sure why i'm so adamant about this issue...maybe its because i'm surrounded by many talented artists who i would love to see make it big..and would be angered if people started stealing their music...or maybe its because i pay the $0.99 cents if i want a song badly...or maybe its empathy... because if i was a famous artist, i'd be pretty pissed off that people were degrading my art into worthless cacophony...maybe its a combination of both. at anyrate...go now and comment! Type away children, type away!
WOW, auntie Catherine just called me...and get this!!
last week after i gave people in the congregation an opportunity to pray to receive Christ (i was on worship team) apparently one guy from our congregation made the decision to receive Christ!! How AWESOME is that! Especially since i didn't really expect anyone to respond! AMAZING ^_^ Its great that He uses our words, even when they're just random ramblings to touch the hearts and lives of others. huzzah.
last week after i gave people in the congregation an opportunity to pray to receive Christ (i was on worship team) apparently one guy from our congregation made the decision to receive Christ!! How AWESOME is that! Especially since i didn't really expect anyone to respond! AMAZING ^_^ Its great that He uses our words, even when they're just random ramblings to touch the hearts and lives of others. huzzah.
an unknown fact about lydia
its funny...even after almost 3 years since the day i graduated, i still think about some of my unmaterialized dreams. namely that of becoming a cheerleader. having gone to what is arguably the best high school in alberta for cheerleading (our co-ed cheer team wins the provincial championships almost every year...we won again last week!! woot.) i still sometimes wish i had had the guts to try out in high school.
alas, i did not. probably a good thing. if i had made it, cheerleading would have become my life and i would be a bit of a floozy (albeit an athletic and good looking one!) on the edmonton eskimos cheer team where most of the Victoria cheer team ends up...instead of being at u of t and being used to impact eternity. ha.
still. sometimes i wish i had tried out and made the cut. probably just to say i made it. LOL. ah well... i probably wouldn't still wear bright yellow shoes if i had become a cheerleader, so all's well that ends well.
its funny...even after almost 3 years since the day i graduated, i still think about some of my unmaterialized dreams. namely that of becoming a cheerleader. having gone to what is arguably the best high school in alberta for cheerleading (our co-ed cheer team wins the provincial championships almost every year...we won again last week!! woot.) i still sometimes wish i had had the guts to try out in high school.
alas, i did not. probably a good thing. if i had made it, cheerleading would have become my life and i would be a bit of a floozy (albeit an athletic and good looking one!) on the edmonton eskimos cheer team where most of the Victoria cheer team ends up...instead of being at u of t and being used to impact eternity. ha.
still. sometimes i wish i had tried out and made the cut. probably just to say i made it. LOL. ah well... i probably wouldn't still wear bright yellow shoes if i had become a cheerleader, so all's well that ends well.
vendredi, mars 10, 2006
self-evalutation pt. 2
so it is a friday night, and i'm home again with no plans. As it is most friday/saturday nights when i do not need to be at church. this isn't meant to be some sort of self-pity blog, but i suppose it can be read as such. i don't enjoy hanging out on a friday night with people that i COULD POTENTIALLY be good friends with, but am currently not..since i don't know them well enough. it saps my energy and leaves me feeling tired to hang out with acquaintances or even semi-friends. Which is rather tautological because in order for me to become good friends with people, there needs to be time spent with them. BUt i don't want to spend time with people i'm not good friends with because it makes me tired. and i just don't feel like being tired on a friday night.
So how do i become good friends with people? Well, i hang out with them in groups first, so that there are buffers around to kinda pad the situation, preventing the onus falling on me to make small-talk and the rather meaningless chit-chat that is required in order to move past the acquaintances stage to the friendship stage. THEN, once all that is over, its safe to say that i'd enjoy hanging around people that i've gotten to know.
All this to say, tonight is a lonely friday because i don't feel up to being "social butterfly" lydia. i miss having friends that i can just sit in the silence with. i don't want small talk. i just want to BE with close friends and enjoy time together. Alas, no one lives near me, especially not my best friends and i am at a loss for who i could call up and say, "hey do you want to hang out tonight?" Maybe its because i know that even if i did call people up, they would not want to hang out with me because i live downtown...or just simply because.
either way, i suppose it just gives me more time to spend doing readings.
so it is a friday night, and i'm home again with no plans. As it is most friday/saturday nights when i do not need to be at church. this isn't meant to be some sort of self-pity blog, but i suppose it can be read as such. i don't enjoy hanging out on a friday night with people that i COULD POTENTIALLY be good friends with, but am currently not..since i don't know them well enough. it saps my energy and leaves me feeling tired to hang out with acquaintances or even semi-friends. Which is rather tautological because in order for me to become good friends with people, there needs to be time spent with them. BUt i don't want to spend time with people i'm not good friends with because it makes me tired. and i just don't feel like being tired on a friday night.
So how do i become good friends with people? Well, i hang out with them in groups first, so that there are buffers around to kinda pad the situation, preventing the onus falling on me to make small-talk and the rather meaningless chit-chat that is required in order to move past the acquaintances stage to the friendship stage. THEN, once all that is over, its safe to say that i'd enjoy hanging around people that i've gotten to know.
All this to say, tonight is a lonely friday because i don't feel up to being "social butterfly" lydia. i miss having friends that i can just sit in the silence with. i don't want small talk. i just want to BE with close friends and enjoy time together. Alas, no one lives near me, especially not my best friends and i am at a loss for who i could call up and say, "hey do you want to hang out tonight?" Maybe its because i know that even if i did call people up, they would not want to hang out with me because i live downtown...or just simply because.
either way, i suppose it just gives me more time to spend doing readings.
jeudi, mars 09, 2006
spoke at york today...i think it went well. hope it spoke some truth into the lives of some of the students there. they are a bunch of cool cats. they tittered because i say the word "y'all". pfft. they're just jealous.
***
Does chivalry still exist? ya know, where guys know what side of the road to stand on (the outer edge), or know how to open doors for girls, or pull out their chair before they sit down and such (well...i know that i've trained warren g. well, so its not completely dead!! ^_^)..but is it a high expectation to expect those things from a guy? not like i have any guys pursuing me or anything...i don't. but if i did, would that be too high of an expectation?
ah well, i don't think so. without chivalry no guy will make my cut. haha, maybe thats why i have no guys pursuing me?
tis okay. i looove being single. serious.
fyi, for the guys out there: even if you're not pursuing anyone its still worthy to learn chivalry and social etiquette towards members of the opposite sex. makes you look like a wonderful prince to the gals! hehe.
***
Does chivalry still exist? ya know, where guys know what side of the road to stand on (the outer edge), or know how to open doors for girls, or pull out their chair before they sit down and such (well...i know that i've trained warren g. well, so its not completely dead!! ^_^)..but is it a high expectation to expect those things from a guy? not like i have any guys pursuing me or anything...i don't. but if i did, would that be too high of an expectation?
ah well, i don't think so. without chivalry no guy will make my cut. haha, maybe thats why i have no guys pursuing me?
tis okay. i looove being single. serious.
fyi, for the guys out there: even if you're not pursuing anyone its still worthy to learn chivalry and social etiquette towards members of the opposite sex. makes you look like a wonderful prince to the gals! hehe.
mardi, mars 07, 2006
and now on a less serious note...i hereby present you with Lydia's birthday wishlist. provided a little under 5 months in advance of her 20th birthday.
a VESPA LX..purple please!!
a pet potbelly pig! one just like the picture please!!
of course, if you're feeling particularly generous..i wouldn't mind a Lexus IS 250/300/350...any of the 3 cars would be pretty sweet :)
but finally...you could REALLY win my heart if you got me....
A Mini Cooper (S or not...preferably S), standard please, in the black eye purple metallic with a leather interior.
[edit: okay, technically i really only want the pet pig and the vespa..haha i mean how cool and fun would it be to ride around with a purple vespa and a matching purple helment, with a pet pig in the basket. SO FUN. although riding around with a pet pig in a mini cooper would also be just as fun ^_^ understand this-- the pet pig is the common denominator here. hehe]
haha dreams are kinda fun sometimes :)
a VESPA LX..purple please!!
a pet potbelly pig! one just like the picture please!!
of course, if you're feeling particularly generous..i wouldn't mind a Lexus IS 250/300/350...any of the 3 cars would be pretty sweet :)
but finally...you could REALLY win my heart if you got me....
A Mini Cooper (S or not...preferably S), standard please, in the black eye purple metallic with a leather interior.
[edit: okay, technically i really only want the pet pig and the vespa..haha i mean how cool and fun would it be to ride around with a purple vespa and a matching purple helment, with a pet pig in the basket. SO FUN. although riding around with a pet pig in a mini cooper would also be just as fun ^_^ understand this-- the pet pig is the common denominator here. hehe]
haha dreams are kinda fun sometimes :)
every so often, i take some time out of my life to evaluate myself and i am finding that today is a particularly good day to do so. i've been meaning to for awhile, but haven't felt up to it--evaluating oneself and being truly honest (or attempting to be) is rather daunting, because eventually you know that you'll find the ugly things hidden in the corners of the heart. This, for me, is like a round of spring cleaning..old treasures are found, but many many cobwebs and dustballs are found, making it rather embarassing that you live in a house of dirt. Of course, by the end of the cleaning, meaningless or poisonous things can be discarded, broken things can be mended, and old treasures can be put back on the mantlepiece. Thus begins the spring cleaning of my heart.
i have a dog. a pug to be exact. my pug loves to eat. in fact, most, if not all pugs i know love to eat. my pug,if we let her, would gobble up her food in less than 10 seconds... and often whines because she wants more. when we aren't looking, she'll sneak over to our other dog's food dish and eat his food as well. my dog will eat...and eat....and eat, without restraint until she gets sick. i'd be willing to wager that she'd even try eating her vomit AFTER being sick--thats how much she loves to eat, and thats also a testament to how well she knows her limits (which is...not at all).
Admittedly, like calls to like, deep to deep, and i am not unlike my dog. Self-control is difficult for me, namely because i don't know my limits. This of course isn't in relation to food (the days of the supernatural ability to eat 19 cheeseburgers or 40 nuggets are but a distant memory) but is rather a reference to my inability to distinguish my limits in the things that i do. its rather prideful to say that i often think of myself as superwoman--perhaps not consciously, but unconsciously so. the thought process in the mind of lydia low often goes like so: "if the average person can do x-amount of hours, then i should be able to do at least twice that, because i am not your average person." when no one steps up to do something, i will step up to the plate, because after all, "i can do more than you can!" This is, however, a verity..it is based on fact and truth, and is not just a wistful idea--i CAN do more than most people. i have a higher capacity to perform different tasks. when i take on a task, i not only do it, but i am determined to do it well. This in itself, i don't think is a bad characteristic. The problem is, that i don't realize i've taken on too much until i've reached the breaking point. to put it succinctly, i don't realize i've taken on too much until i vomit. And EVEN after i've vomitted, i'm still willing to eat my own vomit. while i often admire people in ministry and outside of ministry who are able to say "no, i just can't do this, if i do, i'll struggle to find the time to do it well." i also scoff at them (without even realizing it) and think to myself "its just ONE extra thing, how hard can it possibly be?" As a result, i set up impossible standards for others to meet, and difficult standards for myself to reach.
Time, in Lydia's world doesn't slow down. If anything, it only speeds up as more and more things get piled on to the plate. Of course, lately God has forced me to rest--physically for the past couple of weeks, i haven't been feeling up to par (haha, as evidenced by my coughing up blood) and its as though God said, "okay Lydia, if you won't slow down..i will FORCE you to slow down." But when i do slow down, i find that i'm constantly thinking about what i will do come the day i am no longer invalid. i don't feel worthy or productive unless i am doing something. This is, of course, my go-getter attitude speaking. when there exists a lack of things to do, i feel as though i'm twiddling my thumbs and i think to myself, "what am i doing resting? There are things that could be done!"
So, it has been established. i am a prideful person. i am well acquainted with the Word, and what it says about toiling in vain. Alas, i struggle to put this head knowledge into practice.
often seen as an extrovert, i realize more and more that i am really no real extrovert--in fact, the people i love spending time with most are people who can talk my ear off, a la Sara Whitfield. i love being able to listen to people and remain silent. i find that people often make me tired, and i need great lengths of alone time to recuperate. At the same time, i love people. sometimes, i find myself striving to be a popular person--the need for acceptance and love is a weakness of mine. The funny thing is, i'm not really a popular person--i never have been. And i don't like to conform to others--even though i end up doing so anyways. A claim-to-be non-conformist who actually conforms is what i once called my friend Josh. Turns out, i am that way too. no escaping it.
i find it difficult at times to get the words i want to say out of my mouth. things i am most passionate about, words of genuine encouragement i want to give to people often remain in my mouth. i am a fraudulent encourager--what do i mean by that? encouragement is pretty easy for me to dish out..but when its something that really has struck me about someone and when its beauty knocks the air out of my lungs, i find it extremely difficult to tell the person that what they've done is beautiful. instead, whenever it TRULY matters, the encouragement stays hidden. i don't say anything.
i am a emotional while concurrently a non-emotional person. i don't have difficulty crying. in fact, i cry all the time. but just like i have difficulty giving encouragement when i REALLY desire to, i have difficulty expressing the things i want to say that are really important to me. often times there are people i admire, people i love for taking the time to challenge me and care for me, but i have difficulty telling them a simple thank-you. the words "i love you" are difficult words for me to voice when i desperately want to voice them. maybe because i'm afraid of seeming sappy. or maybe its because its just so un-chinese. i'm not sure.
i cover up what i really feel with a beaming smile and a go-getter attitude, and so when i'm with a huge group of people, i can seem like that extrovert..but really, i'm just using anything i can to diverge the attention off of my real problems or feelings.
despite all of this crazy behaviour, despite giving up ownership of my life being a hard thing, the life i live is a good one, because the inadequacies i do have are taken care of by the resurrected Jesus who lives in me. While i often forget this, and attempt to live life on my own strength, the crowning glory of my mantlepiece is Jesus Christ, who has time and time again forgiven me for my shortcomings, and has graciously provided me with people who love me, despite my prickliness and depressive nature. alone, i truly am nothing. a hollow, empty shell. i often lack faith and the trajectory of my prayers is quite small. but this God i serve knows all these things and is still willing to work in my life regardless. thats a pretty sweet deal.
i have a dog. a pug to be exact. my pug loves to eat. in fact, most, if not all pugs i know love to eat. my pug,if we let her, would gobble up her food in less than 10 seconds... and often whines because she wants more. when we aren't looking, she'll sneak over to our other dog's food dish and eat his food as well. my dog will eat...and eat....and eat, without restraint until she gets sick. i'd be willing to wager that she'd even try eating her vomit AFTER being sick--thats how much she loves to eat, and thats also a testament to how well she knows her limits (which is...not at all).
Admittedly, like calls to like, deep to deep, and i am not unlike my dog. Self-control is difficult for me, namely because i don't know my limits. This of course isn't in relation to food (the days of the supernatural ability to eat 19 cheeseburgers or 40 nuggets are but a distant memory) but is rather a reference to my inability to distinguish my limits in the things that i do. its rather prideful to say that i often think of myself as superwoman--perhaps not consciously, but unconsciously so. the thought process in the mind of lydia low often goes like so: "if the average person can do x-amount of hours, then i should be able to do at least twice that, because i am not your average person." when no one steps up to do something, i will step up to the plate, because after all, "i can do more than you can!" This is, however, a verity..it is based on fact and truth, and is not just a wistful idea--i CAN do more than most people. i have a higher capacity to perform different tasks. when i take on a task, i not only do it, but i am determined to do it well. This in itself, i don't think is a bad characteristic. The problem is, that i don't realize i've taken on too much until i've reached the breaking point. to put it succinctly, i don't realize i've taken on too much until i vomit. And EVEN after i've vomitted, i'm still willing to eat my own vomit. while i often admire people in ministry and outside of ministry who are able to say "no, i just can't do this, if i do, i'll struggle to find the time to do it well." i also scoff at them (without even realizing it) and think to myself "its just ONE extra thing, how hard can it possibly be?" As a result, i set up impossible standards for others to meet, and difficult standards for myself to reach.
Time, in Lydia's world doesn't slow down. If anything, it only speeds up as more and more things get piled on to the plate. Of course, lately God has forced me to rest--physically for the past couple of weeks, i haven't been feeling up to par (haha, as evidenced by my coughing up blood) and its as though God said, "okay Lydia, if you won't slow down..i will FORCE you to slow down." But when i do slow down, i find that i'm constantly thinking about what i will do come the day i am no longer invalid. i don't feel worthy or productive unless i am doing something. This is, of course, my go-getter attitude speaking. when there exists a lack of things to do, i feel as though i'm twiddling my thumbs and i think to myself, "what am i doing resting? There are things that could be done!"
So, it has been established. i am a prideful person. i am well acquainted with the Word, and what it says about toiling in vain. Alas, i struggle to put this head knowledge into practice.
often seen as an extrovert, i realize more and more that i am really no real extrovert--in fact, the people i love spending time with most are people who can talk my ear off, a la Sara Whitfield. i love being able to listen to people and remain silent. i find that people often make me tired, and i need great lengths of alone time to recuperate. At the same time, i love people. sometimes, i find myself striving to be a popular person--the need for acceptance and love is a weakness of mine. The funny thing is, i'm not really a popular person--i never have been. And i don't like to conform to others--even though i end up doing so anyways. A claim-to-be non-conformist who actually conforms is what i once called my friend Josh. Turns out, i am that way too. no escaping it.
i find it difficult at times to get the words i want to say out of my mouth. things i am most passionate about, words of genuine encouragement i want to give to people often remain in my mouth. i am a fraudulent encourager--what do i mean by that? encouragement is pretty easy for me to dish out..but when its something that really has struck me about someone and when its beauty knocks the air out of my lungs, i find it extremely difficult to tell the person that what they've done is beautiful. instead, whenever it TRULY matters, the encouragement stays hidden. i don't say anything.
i am a emotional while concurrently a non-emotional person. i don't have difficulty crying. in fact, i cry all the time. but just like i have difficulty giving encouragement when i REALLY desire to, i have difficulty expressing the things i want to say that are really important to me. often times there are people i admire, people i love for taking the time to challenge me and care for me, but i have difficulty telling them a simple thank-you. the words "i love you" are difficult words for me to voice when i desperately want to voice them. maybe because i'm afraid of seeming sappy. or maybe its because its just so un-chinese. i'm not sure.
i cover up what i really feel with a beaming smile and a go-getter attitude, and so when i'm with a huge group of people, i can seem like that extrovert..but really, i'm just using anything i can to diverge the attention off of my real problems or feelings.
despite all of this crazy behaviour, despite giving up ownership of my life being a hard thing, the life i live is a good one, because the inadequacies i do have are taken care of by the resurrected Jesus who lives in me. While i often forget this, and attempt to live life on my own strength, the crowning glory of my mantlepiece is Jesus Christ, who has time and time again forgiven me for my shortcomings, and has graciously provided me with people who love me, despite my prickliness and depressive nature. alone, i truly am nothing. a hollow, empty shell. i often lack faith and the trajectory of my prayers is quite small. but this God i serve knows all these things and is still willing to work in my life regardless. thats a pretty sweet deal.
dimanche, mars 05, 2006
vendredi, mars 03, 2006
Okay seriously, WHAT IS WITH THE ELDERLY AND THEIR NEED TO FEED THE BIRDS??
pigeons are dirty and disgusting diseased creatures!! So why do the elderly always sit down on park benches and scatter bread crumbs all over the place, ENCOURAGING pigeons to return and infest the area!! i mean, come on! get a dog or something! visit a pet store and cuddle with the kittens and puppies.
sometimes, i feel like lobbing a pigeon...just walking up to it and giving it a good kick and watch it go. of course i never do that. those things are monstrous, and for all i know, the whole gang would come and attack me--it could be a sequel to THE BIRDS by Alfred Hitchcock.
all i know is this: when i'm old, if you catch me sitting at a park bench feeding the birds, wack me across the head and tell me to find something better to do with myself, like feeding the homeless. YES think about all the bread that is wasted on the stupid, ugly, fat birds!! [For those of you who do not live in Toronto, you may not understand this concept..but honestly the pigeons here are FAT and don't give two hoots about people walking by them. All they do is eat the food given to them and waddle around pooping on people's heads.]
***
In other news, i have much to say about "Christianese" and "john piper-ese" but i must formulate my thoughts on these things before i say anything rash and have a conglomerate of johnny pip fans hatin on me. Check back for it. i think there will be some profound thoughts. haha, much needed on this blog, since there hasn't been much other than griping about my flu and such. Soon. very soon.
(i'm currently sad. sigur ros is coming to Toronto may 13th, and i won't even be here. i always miss the cool shenanigans that happen in the summer.)
pigeons are dirty and disgusting diseased creatures!! So why do the elderly always sit down on park benches and scatter bread crumbs all over the place, ENCOURAGING pigeons to return and infest the area!! i mean, come on! get a dog or something! visit a pet store and cuddle with the kittens and puppies.
sometimes, i feel like lobbing a pigeon...just walking up to it and giving it a good kick and watch it go. of course i never do that. those things are monstrous, and for all i know, the whole gang would come and attack me--it could be a sequel to THE BIRDS by Alfred Hitchcock.
all i know is this: when i'm old, if you catch me sitting at a park bench feeding the birds, wack me across the head and tell me to find something better to do with myself, like feeding the homeless. YES think about all the bread that is wasted on the stupid, ugly, fat birds!! [For those of you who do not live in Toronto, you may not understand this concept..but honestly the pigeons here are FAT and don't give two hoots about people walking by them. All they do is eat the food given to them and waddle around pooping on people's heads.]
***
In other news, i have much to say about "Christianese" and "john piper-ese" but i must formulate my thoughts on these things before i say anything rash and have a conglomerate of johnny pip fans hatin on me. Check back for it. i think there will be some profound thoughts. haha, much needed on this blog, since there hasn't been much other than griping about my flu and such. Soon. very soon.
(i'm currently sad. sigur ros is coming to Toronto may 13th, and i won't even be here. i always miss the cool shenanigans that happen in the summer.)
mercredi, mars 01, 2006
i am thankful for...
- very comfortable sweatpants that i've worn 3 days in a row. tomorrow i'll make it 4.
- a very comfortable reading chair.
- that all this coughing will cause me to have very strong abs once this cold/flu is over.
- jack johnson, death cab for cutie, iron and wine, norah jones and other melodies.
- neocitron which has put me to sleep like a lullaby for the past 3 nights in a row when i couldn't fall asleep otherwise
- mum and dad who pray for me
- other friends who pray (this reluctantly includes those who distract me from my studying to tell me they bought a john piper book that was on sale)
- vicks vaporub
- auntie catherine's very soft and thick kleenex that i still have
- halls cough drops
- the yellow staedtler fineliner i have been using to mark up my textbook.
yes. these are very nice things indeed.
- very comfortable sweatpants that i've worn 3 days in a row. tomorrow i'll make it 4.
- a very comfortable reading chair.
- that all this coughing will cause me to have very strong abs once this cold/flu is over.
- jack johnson, death cab for cutie, iron and wine, norah jones and other melodies.
- neocitron which has put me to sleep like a lullaby for the past 3 nights in a row when i couldn't fall asleep otherwise
- mum and dad who pray for me
- other friends who pray (this reluctantly includes those who distract me from my studying to tell me they bought a john piper book that was on sale)
- vicks vaporub
- auntie catherine's very soft and thick kleenex that i still have
- halls cough drops
- the yellow staedtler fineliner i have been using to mark up my textbook.
yes. these are very nice things indeed.
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