hmm, i put up a pretty frustrated blog last night about my relationship with friends who are guys....and i know i put it up pretty late...so not that many people read it. i've taken it down since, but i realize that there are some people who DID get the chance to read it, and so i thought i would address what i spoke of--in a bit more of a rational, calm way.
as a caveat (haha, i seem to have lots of caveats on this blog these days), i'm not speaking about one particular person; it must be noted that i have gotten this comment from multiple guy friends. Thus, this isn't an attempt to bash my guy friends or anything of the sort.
Recently i've had numerous guy friends who have used the line "you're a nice girl, lydia. but i could never be interested in you-- you're practically a boy to me."
i'm pretty tired of comments like these, and i'm not sure that they are encouraging or edifying.
"you are a godly woman, lydia. but i'm not attracted to you most of the time, i don't even see you as a girl."
i question how a comment like this is at all edifying. do not get me wrong, i am not saying this because i'm disappointed that these guy friends of mine are not attracted to me (far from it!); i love these guys as brothers, and whether or not they're attracted to me...i'll STILL continue to love them as brothers. nevertheless, i still find comments like these hurtful.
its as though BECAUSE nothing will ever happen between us, they've stopped thinking of me as what God created me to be--a woman. And underlying these comments is the sense that i'm not good enough AS a woman, for them to like me. That i would never match up to qualities they want in a wife. i am no proverbs 31 woman (though i strive to grow more and more like Christ and to become a Titus 2 woman)...but when guys make comments like "i could NEVER EVER fall for you in a million years" or tell me that i'm like another brother, its as though they are saying that i will never be a proverbs 31 woman and...literally that i'm not even PERCEIVED as a woman.
why don't guys just tell me that i'm like a sister to them? is it supposed to be a good thing that i'm like a boy to them? that i could never meet the standard that they have for what they want in a wife?
am i completely off base here?
i know that i have a larger proportion of guy friends, than i have girlfriends (although, i'd definitely say that i have closer, deeper and more intimate relationships with my girlfriends)....but i personally don't think i'm doing anything to make myself seem less feminine (?)
At any rate, perhaps this is just a mountain out of a molehill, and i'm getting myself worked up about nothing. But in all honesty, receiving these comments are less than delightful and less than edifying...and i would exhort all my brothers to rethink the way they think about females who are their friends. Yes, we may not end up marrying you, but as brothers, it is your duty and privilege to allow us to practice being reverent in behaviour, teaching what is good, to be self-controlled, and kind. when you start thinking of your girlfriends as "just another guy", you are robbing us of the chance to practice being a woman and you rob us of the chance to live out our God-given role.ultimately, you are also robbing the brother that we might someday marry by undermining our role as women, simply because you aren't attracted to us Josh Harris says it well: "before we're husbands and wives, we're brothers and sisters in Christ who rehearse together God's definition of masculinity and femininity."
"Treat younger men like brothers, older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity." ~1 Timothy 5:1b-2
so allow us to be women and stop thinking of us as being "just like your brother"..because those are two very different things.
done and done.
oh as an addendum, if y'all boys have any comments/suggestions as to how females can really embrace their femininity and help men to think of them as women..i would love to hear!! i think this mild rebuke to most of my guy friends can end up being a really edifying way to help each other out in embracing our God-given roles.
S'abonner à :
Publier des commentaires (Atom)
7 commentaires:
The short-lived original post was neither irrational nor out of line.
amen sister. i whole heartedly agree.
preach it. i wish i'd read the first entry...
hmmm... never really thought of it in that way. thanks for giving a better insight in the land of womendom.
p.s. did i read that post about guys?
and ur a nice girl :D
i must say though that when men do say you're like a brother to me, it is quite possibly one of the highest compliments they can offer to a girl (kinda)... coz what they're saying is that u make them feel at ease and comfortable. so instead of seeing it in a negative light, see it in the way that the message was intended to be received and not the way u perceive it to be.
I was talking to Sid today about this post, that I only just read now. I back you up 100% and infact watched an episode of 100 Huntly Street that touched on the subject of womanhood and "fighting like a girl". I agree with Sid and you in that the guys mean the highest compliment, but put it the wrong way. Society often teaches us the wrong things about our sexuality and roles, feminity is no exception and the feminist movment only makes it worse by defining sucess as "fighting like a man"
Hope that you've recieved a lot of suggestions, and better compliments since you posted this.
Publier un commentaire