on fasting.
my belly is my "god". it often worms its way up and finds mastery over me, instead of pointing my eyes up the ray of its source, which is Christ. so often, i am focussed on earthly things, on the hunger pangs from my stomach, as though food can sustain me, rather than God. in reality, however, it is only by God's merciful hand that i am still here, capable of typing away. He can, and will, take me home whenever He desires.
but hunger is not the only way food has dominion over me. some months ago, i decided to fast for a week. in that week, i had the most glorious and satisfying times with God. the homesickness i felt for God diminished; dark, dank and smelly places within my soul were exposed, and repentance was real. but after fasting, i realized i had dropped about 10-15 pounds in one week, and all of a sudden, though i thought food no longer had mastery over me, once again, it did. the next time i tried to fast, all i could think of was how much weight i could potentially lose. no longer was fasting about glorifying my Maker; fasting was a glorified starvation plan.
since then, i have not fasted. i justified this by saying my heart just wasn't in the right place, that i couldn't do it for the right motivations. it may have been true then, but perhaps now, it has become an excuse which enables me to bow down before food and say "you are my master" while i cling tightly to God and say "you are my Master".
i realize that for many men, this may not be much of a struggle. But, for women out there, i feel as though the weight struggle may be more salient for you, just as it is for me. maybe, food isn't my little idol at all. it may be one of them, but perhaps the bigger idol is really my appearance, and my desire to be beautiful in the eyes of others. maybe, its my desire to satisfy myself with looks of longing from men (which, really..i've never gotten..other than from that creepy eastern european man), and looks of envy from other females (again, haven't ever gotten).
perhaps then, it is time to fast once again. but not only from food, but from "putting" on my face. from looking in the mirror, and from doing my hair. maybe its time to stop being dissatisfied with myself, and time to find satisfaction from the only One who can provide it.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
~ Prov 31:30
Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed
~ Ps. 34:5
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4 commentaires:
Oh man, I can totally identify with the one amazing thing leading you to think about something that is definately not healthy spiritually or physically... that weasly Satan and his temptations...
John Wiersma gave a talk on temptations (i'm pretty sure after the staff left, but I can't remember) and he basically reminded us that the things we are tempted by are not in and of themselves bad things. Food is not an evil... neither is wanting to look our best.
Ha, but with that in mind, I can identify what you agonize about.... just remember Romans 1:17... righteousness is by faith :)
I think it was James McDonald who said something along the lines of food existing for the purpose of us recognizing how utterly dependent we are on God to meet even our most basic needs, and to give us an opportunity to thank Him for meeting our needs when we eat. Every time your tummy rumbles, send a prayer of thanksgiving heaven-ward knowing that when you chow-down, God has met a very real need in your life. :)
ummm... does that mean u'll stop combing ur hair and stuff?
you speak such truth and as knobble women of God we do need to fear and seek satisfaction in Him alone. Unfortunately, society preaches that through our appearance we are worthy. Ya, and I was the fool who battled with anna and ED through my adolescence ultimately turning to food as a comfort.
God certainly calls us to fast as a demonstration of our dependency on Him, but we must first identify our motives (as I too have fallen into this trap).
Lord, nourish us with your Word and your love like no other. Let us be content and satisfied in you alone.
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