Low on the Go!

restless heart.

tonight, i caught a glimpse of my own hypocritical heart. it was bizarre. we sat around the table at dinner talking about Jesus.

i just wasn't into it.

everyone was marveling about how great it was, how they felt the Spirit descend on the conversation....

but to me, the whole conversation just seemed really hypocritical.

i caught a glimpse of my own heart, and realized that i'm tired of talking theology; i'm tired of talking and talking and talking and rarely acting on these words; i'm tired of others talking and talking and talking and not acting on their words.

tonight, i caught a glimpse of my own hypocritical heart and the constant hypocrisy of we who claim to follow Jesus...

and i didn't like it one bit.

tonight, i am repulsed by my own sin.

***
weary heart.

i'm tired.

i'm so tired.

tired of putting on happy smiles, and trying to be joyful in the midst of chaos.

tired of bed bugs.

tired of the lack of room in my apartment.

tired of my computer that keeps beeping incessantly.

tired of headaches.

tired of rashy skin

tired of studying.

tired of people.

tired of myself.

maybe even, just at this moment, tired of God.

is that wrong to say? well, i'm thinking it in my mind, so i'll write it down anyways.

i'm not tired of Him, per se.

just the punches He seems to be throwing at me...or allowing to be thrown at me.

i want the thorn OUT.

but even Paul didn't get his thorn out.

i dunno.

i'm tired and i know that tonight, my perspective is skewed.

i am the worst sinner.