Low on the Go!

vanity of vanities!

back when i was in grade 6, our class was supposed to write a short story on whatever we wanted. i wrote the story of the frog prince, from the point of view of the frog. i thought it was a pretty clever idea, and i was proud of my illustrations and my story. i slipped my story into a report cover which had a plastic binding, and took a good, long look at it. it was definitely chill, i decided. i had told my friend about the idea; i had given her all the details, right down to the plastic book report cover. On the day it was due, she came to school with the story of little red riding hood. it was written from the wolf's perspective and she had somehow managed to find the same report folder as me. i was pretty angry that she had stolen my idea, and boy, did i ever let her know it! Finally, she broke from the pressure and she ripped her story out of the report cover and threw it at me. But, i wasn't satisfied. She had still stolen my idea!!

i remember my teacher telling me that i shouldn't be angry, but flattered. After all, it had been SUCH a good idea that people just wanted to be like me. it didn't really lessen the sting. i had wanted to be super original and creative, and my idea had been stolen from me! i eventually got over it, because all grade sixers get over things like that. But this originality complex still comes over me at times.

i've rarely worn clothing i think other people my age would like. Whenever it WAS something they'd like, it was always something that was so "indie" or "asian" that they'd never be able to find it, despite searching. i've chosen to learn instruments i think less people will play-- it's why i started learning drums. very few girls back then would have ventured into this forray. perhaps it is even why i've started learning classical guitar. somewhere, in the deep recesses of my mind, i think i told myself that if i was going to learn how to play such an over-hyped, over-used instrument like a guitar, then at least i'd learn something that would make me better than most guitar players who can't play an F chord and who can only strum winnipeg style.

lately, i've found myself more irked by this than normal. the pig toque i own recently went on sale at U of T, and i've seen multiple people on campus wearing it. since then, i have not worn my toque..even during the semi-cold spell we had a couple of weeks ago. i didn't want to be thought by others as being a copy-cat who follows the norm. i also recently bought a pair of boots, and numerous people have commented on how they love them and want to buy them too.... this has partially decreased my liking for these boots. i also recently started taking snapshots with a fisheye lomo, and now that others have started to get into the lomo community, i've started thinking about other cameras i can get to one-up these individuals.

sad!!! it's especially sad knowing that this is sheer pride that fuels my desire to be different. sheer pride that keeps me throwing together different clothing ensembles, so that no one would be able to imitate me.

hmm.

ecclesiastes speaks of this vanity. for, this bizarre desire is truly vanity.

What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.
~ Ecclesiastes 1:9-10

so how does one escape this vanity and this discontentment which is especially pervasive during the christmas season?

we must run our eyes up the ray of the gifts to the giver of life Himself!! For, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God. He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.
...
here is the conclusion to this matter:

Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the whole duty of man.

striving to be original is pretty pointless and serves only to fuel my own pride. how can i lay claim to any ideas, any schemes which are concocted? is not everything fashioned by God?

oh, that this would seep from my mind into my heart!