Low on the Go!

the cross.
winter conference gleaning#1.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person-- though perhaps for a good person, one would dare even to die-- but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by Him from the wrath of God. For if while we were still enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. ~Romans 5:6-11

THIS is the beauty of the Gospel. That we did not do anything to be justified. Our goodness could not save us, nor our attempts to grasp perfection. While we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for us. What God would do this? What God would humble Himself to be trampled, beaten and scorned by the people that He created? What God would shed His undeprived blood, so that I, a sinner filled with depravity, might live? Why would He choose me to be the recipient of this grace? In the midst of the din during His slaying, my voice taunted, loud and clearly. This God is indescribable and undeniable.

At winter conference, one of the speakers said something that really resonated in my head.

if the cross of Jesus Christ does not change your life second by second, minute by minute, moment by moment, and day by day, you either do not know it, or you do not understand it.

This was a hard teaching for me to hear. i feel as though i have become very stagnant this past month. Truth be told, i teach the girls i disciple that there is no such thing as standing still. In our relationship with God, we're either moving ahead and deepening in our walk with Him, or fixing our eyes on the enemy, fascinated by the delights of this world. i am the greatest pharisee. In my own life, my eyes have not been fixed on the cross. This was a realization that i gleaned that night at winter conference. Sure, i had been promoting the Spirit-filled life. I claimed that i was relying on the Holy Spirit. But even the Spirit-filled life became about what i could do. Legalism kept me from truly relying on God; condemnation kept me from truly experiencing His grace.
Concurrently, i let myself believe the lie that since i didn't feel as though anything in my walk with God had changed, my relationship with God was as strong as ever.
It isn't. i stand before you, a broken person, and i confess that by my allowing stagnation to rule my life, rotting has indeed occurred.

This week, i had to come face to face with this fact, and it was a hard teaching to hear. Where am i at now? i am broken. humbled. i cannot say that upon receiving this teaching, i have suddenly restored the passion and closeness i once felt. This is impossible for me, by my own strength, to restore. Praise God! He who saved me from His wrath is more than capable of being real in my life. He is the ultimate carpenter, fully able to restore humanity. Where do i go from here? To my legalist self, i cry out that none of my efforts to grow deeper in love with my Abba add to the finished work on the cross. To my self plagued with condemnation, i freely admit that i am a sinner...the worst sinner... but i also preach to myself Romans 8:1.

His work on the cross was a beautiful, magical thing. May my life be cross-centered.