Low on the Go!

from my journal.

It's been over a year that you have allowed this cloud to hang. It is grey and empty, depressed, like a barren woman yearning for life to begin within her. For months and months now, I have been hoping that you would rescue me from this valley. At points along the way, there was sunlight, and I was so certain that you had arrived to rescue me. But the cloud came once again, the rays of sunlight disappeared, and I was still left clinging to this rope, praying for deliverance from Achor.

It feels like ages ago when I gave that talk about persevering through trials, realizing that circumstances do not define reality, but that You define what is True and what is Good. It seems like forever ago that I spoke about clinging on with the hopes of emerging from the darkness with even stronger faith muscles. Back then, I thought I was at the end of my rope. Surely, you would rescue me. Instead, in 10 days, it will have been eleven months since that day at York, and I wonder, is this what life is like? Should i struggle through it everyday?

I put on a smile as I walk out the door. Smile and nod. At the end of the day, I come back home, bleakness is still at my door. Where is the abundance you have promised? I am thirsty. How much longer can I cling on?

I miss you so much.