Low on the Go!

fear.

But Moses said to the LORD, "Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue." Then the LORD said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak."

Exodus 4:10-12

For the past couple of days, I have been filled with fear. For some reason, picking up the phone, which hadn't really phased me throughout this first month of support raising, caused me a great deal of fear. Today, I was making phone calls to referrals--people I have never met-- and when talking to my first call, I could literally HEAR my voice shaking. After that phone call, where the person told me they weren't interested, I sat down feeling rather sick to my stomach.

In my head, Exodus 4:10-12, one of my favourite passages kept repeating itself. After awhile, I really heard God say to me (I know, "God spoke to me" and "I heard God tell me", always sound a bit cliche), "Lydia, you prayed specifically for a car to use for two days, so that you could visit these referrals. Did i grant you this?"

"Yes, Lord, you did."

"Then why do you not believe that I hear your prayers, and will answer?"

"..."

Many days, I feel like Moses. I am so inadequate, and so slow of speech and tongue. Other days, I am like the people to whom Moses worried about speaking. Moses knew they would be unbelieving that the LORD actually appeared to Moses.
Every day, I am both Moses and the unbelieving Israelites. I must pray like the father in Mark 9, who cries out, "I believe; help my unbelief!"

From my journal,

I sat there with the phone in my hands, and I was so fearful! I don't know why, I simply was! Now, I am sitting here, Lord, and wondering why I am so nervous. I am abashed by my little faith. Have you not provided before? Are you not God? Have you not already, (since the beginning of time, actually), had a plan for my life? Do you not already know the team of supporters who will come alongside me? Have you not already raised up this team? Yes! You HAVE! Forgive me for my doubting, Lord! I believe! Help my unbelief!