Low on the Go!

best and worst.

Being diagnosed with depression this year has been one of the best things and one of the worst things that has happened to me; because of depression, I am tired all the time. I have trouble falling asleep, but I'm constantly tired. I get a lot of headaches and little things that would not usually bother me, really bother me. Big things just throw me right off course. Any source of conflict leaves me feeling paralyzed and affects many other things around me.

On the other hand, because of depression and the diagnosis, I see God in a different light. He really is all I can depend on. I go through my days and know that I can't make it through without His Spirit filling me. I wake up and my packed day makes me feel anxious, but then I remember whose Sovereign Hand is guiding my life, and my heart calms. I've been so much better at setting much needed boundaries: not volunteering to do everything, telling people that I am not doing the things they assume I will be doing, recognizing my need to be alone or with people, and acting accordingly. I'm a more proactive person and everytime I see my counsellor, things I once thought I understood become so much clearer. Forgiveness, the Cross, my identity in Christ-- all of these things are things I understand much much more now.

Not everyday is a happy day. Not every day is easy. But somewhere in my soul, there is a deep rooted sense of joy in anticipation of the grace I have received and will receive. It is a grace that was given at the cross and ripples into eternity.