Low on the Go!

on being christian, asian, canadian and confused.
*caveat: vast sterotypes ahead.

i don't think i ever considered how growing up with asian parents in a Christian household in North America has influenced me, but lately, i think it has more than i'd like to admit. i used to think i was pretty westernized, because i'm definitely not 'asianized', but i think i'm a bit of both, which yields some strengths, but often just leaves me confused.

The paradigm with which i approach the world isn't my parent's paradigm, nor is it a WASP paradigm. (read: i am confused about life!) It's almost as though I see things through two lenses, but two lenses makes my vision more blurry, not less!

For example, let's take a career-choosing process. Most people coming from a Western paradigm choose the career that would make them the most happy. Western culture is a very individualistic culture. Growing up in North America, we are told that we should choose a career that fits with our own needs and desires, strengths and weaknesses. People coming from an Asian paradigm choose the career that would make the majority of people around them the most happy (most of the time, this boils down to what would make the parents happy). Growing up, we are constantly reminded of the honour or shame we could bring to the family unit.
So what about a person like me, who has grown up in both worlds? When I decided to join staff, and knew my parents might not be happy about this decision, I talked to many people, who told me the same thing, "Honouring your parents and obeying them are two different things. You can honour your parents without necessarily obeying them."

Sounds good, if you're white, right? But for an Asian, this makes NO sense! Ephesians 6:2 in the Chinese bible is translated as xiao jing, "to show filial piety". When it comes to Asian parents, obeying and honouring are one and the same. Not two different things, like Western culture postulates. Thus, advice that might work for someone coming from a caucasian family does not work for someone coming from an asian family, even if they are somewhat westernized.

There are so many other things that are influenced by this "growing up eastern and western" tension:

• Relationships with people: in western culture, trusting people at face value is important, whereas in eastern culture, reading into one's actions and underlying motives is important.
• Work ethic: when I was growing up, I was taught that because of individualism, caucasian work ethic was lesser than asian work ethic. Because of this, I have expectations of my performance that seem realistic to me, but to many of my caucasian friends seem unrealistic.
• Decision making: I often tend to think of the needs of the ministry or others before my own. (note: this isn't necessarily based on generosity or love for the other individual, but for honour and to avoid shame) So, when I'm making a decision, the collectivist me comes out, but if I ask others for advice, they might tell me, "You can't think of others right now, you need to think of what is best for YOU so that YOU can function well." For me, me and others are so integrated in my mind, I can't always separate the two things. Yet, I am not so collectivist, because in my mind, I know that while I'm looking at what could be good for the team as a whole, people in that team, aren't necessarily thinking the same way I am, and are much more individualistic. This makes me want to not be collectivistic, because if others aren't caring about me, why should i care about them? (Unbiblical, I know. but also very westernized thinking.)
  
• Training and finances: Sometimes, the training I am given is hard to apply. For example, during training on how to support raise, we were given certain application points, not all of which work in asian culture where finances (unless to brag or boast) aren't really discussed openly.
  

There are so many areas that are influenced by this tension of being Asian and Canadian, and once you toss in the idea of being Christian as well... it's even more complex. Being Christian should transcend race and gender (Galatians 3:28), but in practice this is so much harder, since culture is so ingrained in who we are as people.

Anyways, I am not here to present any solutions. Believe you me, had I solutions, I wouldn't be here blogging about having trouble making decisions. I think, one day, I will write a book. Lord knows, us Christian Asian Canadians need some sort of manual on how to live life with an identity crisis.