Low on the Go!

cost.

i began sensing i was different sometime in high school, when God's calling on my life started to become more and more clear. It was the subtleties that struck me and made me feel like an odd one out. A preservation from the normalcy of the teenage years. Somehow, not by my own merit or my own attempts, i had a love for His Word, a desire to know him, an understanding that seemed to surpass my age.

But following Jesus is costly, and for much of my life, i have been lonely. Not for a lack of friends or people, but maybe for a lack of people my age who understand me.

Today, i was sitting with my small group at church, and i decided to spend our time talking about quiet times and how to do a quiet time. As i went around the room, asking who does regular quiet times, there was no one. One person hadn't done one since the end of the school year in May. Another one does three minute quiet times. Another one reads the Bible ten minutes a day.

It was so devastating to hear this. i fought back tears.

i think i felt God's heart.

And it was lonely.

i wanted to tell them how much i've enjoyed spending extended time with God these past two weeks. How much of a blessing it is to be able to communicate with God. How intimate i feel with Jesus these days. But i knew they wouldn't get it. To them, Jesus is a foreign man. To some, He is no more than a magician who has saved them from something they're not quite sure of. But to me, He is my life. Without Him i wouldn't be alive today.

How do you convey these thoughts into something that brings understanding?

As i was standing in the subway, i thought about how Jesus must have felt after spending three years with His disciples. To know that even after three years, they did not understand Him or comprehend His majesty. i wept. The more i fall in love with Jesus, the more committed i become to Him, the less i feel people understand my heart. Perhaps because the more i become these things, the more i become like Jesus.

The cost is high. The cross is heavy. But sometimes you love the things you sacrifice for so much more. And maybe, after awhile, you realize that it isn't a sacrifice.