Low on the Go!

mundane.

These days, everything just feels so mundane. Life, spirituality, work, fun, friends. All mundane. And even the mundane is becoming mundane.

i feel lost. Like there ought to be something more. There is something more. i just don't know how to get there. There are days, like today, when i play music, i catch a glimpse of that moreness. But even that is fleeting.

Then i sit down and feel empty. i think to myself, He said life wouldn't be empty. That life wouldn't be meaningless. But it feels empty and meaningless. Boring and mundane. Then i wonder if i have Him. Maybe i just think i do but i don't. And then i think to myself that these are lies i am listening to. And i vow to keep silent, because what kind of missionary thinks these thoughts?

But the silence becomes deafening, and i wish i knew. Wish i knew where He's gone, even though i know He's right here. Wish i knew how to face this sickness that seems to overcome me each time i think i am out of its grasp. Wish it was in the sad times that i would be sad, instead of just the mundane that would make me sad.

Many days, i wish a lot of things, know a lot of things, but i also desire to feel a lot of things while at the same time, feeling whole lot less.