random thoughts percolating late at night.
. sometimes, i feel caught in between worlds.
. i'm not a new staff, but i'm not a senior staff.
. i'm not really chinese, but i'm not really white either.
. i don't get the whole intense "everyone wants a baby NOW" craze, but i don't get the super intense business woman either.
. i'm not a student, but i'm not a young entrepreneur.
. i'm not single, but i'm not married, and i wonder...what Asian in their early twenties is seriously considering marriage?
Sometimes, despite having people around, people in my life, i feel really lonely. It's not a lack of people; it's just a lack of people to identify with, to glean from and who understand.
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What Asian in their early twenties is NOT seriously considering marriage? Maybe you hang around different Asians than I do :P (I might be exaggerating)
But yeah, I think I understand the "otherness" or in-betweenness that you're feeling. I think it makes sense, though. In fact, you just gave quite a few good reasons for why you feel the way you do.
So, maybe you don't know anybody else who has the exact same set of "peculiarities" as you. But many of us share some of those peculiarities. Perhaps we feel that no one shares our exact set of peculiarities, either. We're all individuals and quite distinct, after all. But I think there is a decent amount of overlap, so you will be able to find people to identify with, and who will be able to identify with you, too.
Hopefully that's encouraging.
I felt that exact way a couple years ago, in 4th year and in MPD when I wasn't married. I hate the in between, and you've got it in a few ways I don't/didn't (i.e. with work) so I can understand the 'Caught in Limbo' feeling :)
WHOA - your fourth thought "baby crazy" but not "business woman crazy" either was SOOO me until about my...3rd year of marriage? Maybe just before. Anyway...yeah.
Seriously. ENJOY. Babies are great but they pretty much rock your world. (In a good way but also in a freakin' hard way too.)
"i'm not really chinese, but i'm not really white either."
whenever i tell my non-asian friends that i'm really not that asian, they look at me like, "Uh-huh. Right." ok, so I am asian, but I only really speak english and am mostly western in sensibility. and that would make me . . .? A typical 1st gen?
word! i definitely have felt much the same way in transitioning to Montreal, i felt more lonely b/c i had no one really that could relate or identify. most adjusted well or were married and made the transition easier.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gleaners_and_I?wasRedirected=true
Ps - identity is a big deal. Just accept your position and be happy that you are ... Lydia low.
It depends on what your definition of Chinese means. I think I'm Chinese the same way you are Chinese - and unless I don't know something, you are definitely not white (referring to not "really" white).
But I hear you - I was in the in-between during my years in the Fax. There weren't too many people I could connect with but with some perseverance, you find yourself more confident in the identity that has been given to you. Deb and I talked about this a lot.
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