one of these things is not like the other.
Thinking about my life in Montreal sometimes makes me feel a bit sad. i mean, overall, it hasn't been bad or anything, but it has been lonely.
i guess i thought that i'd have more close friends by now. After all, it has been four years. Don't get me wrong; i know that there are people who love me, and there are people that i love. But the majority of even these people are people that feel like family. It's like..i love them because they're family, but they're not super close to me. Does that make sense? (i hope that no one takes offense to this...)
i'm not blaming anyone but myself. People have done such a good job at being welcoming and inviting me into their lives.
i guess, i just feel really different. The majority of the staff women are pretty tight, but i don't really chill with them that much. i mean, i'm invited to, and i like chilling sometimes, but i somehow always end up feeling a bit like an outsider.
For the most part, they all want babies, have families or are starting families, and all enjoy really similar things. i, however, don't think babies are that great (i mean, they're cute and all... just not really my everything...or even my thing.). And even my single friends here in Montreal all also want the same things the staff women want. They want to get married and start families. These are good things. Just not things that i'm very interested in.
Some might say that i should still hang out with them, to practice for my future. And this is true. i should probably hang out with families and prepare for my future. But again, it's more of a family kind of friendship, rather than a kinship. Right now, i kinda feel like the aunt who's the liberal aunt. You know, the aunt who doesn't have kids and doesn't really like kids. She still loves her family and they still love her..but really, she has nothing in common with them, nothing that really unites her to them, except history and familial ties.
Does what i'm saying even make sense?
i guess what i'm really yearning for are close friendships, where i really click with someone. i want friendships where i can talk about things other than babies, and marriage and families and homemaking. These are all good things, but they just aren't my primary interests.
i don't really know how to explain it, because i do have a lot of similar hobbies (i.e. cooking, sewing, crafting) as other women here in Montreal...but it often feels like i'm still the odd one out, because i'm not doing those hobbies for the purpose of homemaking, but for general enjoyment. Yeah, confusing, i know.
i used to have kinship in Toronto, but so far that hasn't materialized very much in Montreal. As i think about my future here, sometimes i feel sad, because i can't imagine going another four or five years without close friends in close proximity.
