a good Good Friday.

a friend of mine invited me over to his house for lunch today. apparently they were having chinese guests over? at any rate, i decided last night that i would go, and i was pretty excited. if you know this friend, you'd also know that his mum makes some good food. Well, technically any food is better than what i usually eat at home (i'm somewhat of a good cook, but when there's no one to impress but myself, it bodes the question, 'whats the point?'). At any rate, woke up this morning at Janette's house (had an awesomely fun sleepover with her and pri last night. y'all can read about it on pri's blog.) and remembered... that as a church we were fasting on Good Friday. aie! no turkey lunch?

as i lay snuggled up on the mattress, my first thought that came to mind (ashamedly) was "ugh! can't i just fast a different day?" and then "why don't i just drop the fast, its not that important anyways." and finally, "stupid plan for fasting."

and then it hit me. conviction central!! what kind of priorities do i have if i'd choose turkey and friends (in that order...ahhaha) over God? as i was dragging my feet around, dreading the one day fast, my mind was thinking... "woe is me. what a sacrifice." i was hit with the sinking pit in my stomach of my carnal and sinful nature. SACRIFICE?? giving up turkey? uh, hello! i think not. Sacrifice was the suffering He endured. The mockery, the loneliness, the stench of Satan and the pain--now THATs suffering. Sacrifice was living a life of absolute purity and accepting treatment as a criminal. Sacrifice was the decision that He would rather go to hell for me than to go to heaven without me.

It put it into perspective for me. Suffering is not giving up turkey on a friday afternoon.

With this in mind, i set off for church, deciding against a friday lunch with friends...and i am SO immensely glad that i did. Would i have had more fun otherwise? Perhaps. But there is no better food for the soul than a good Good Friday, wherein which sin is recognized once again and where i can come boldly before the Lord and weep at His feet. Today will not be about what i gave up (which is nothing at all really) but rather, about what He gave up so that i could know Him.

an interruption on all this talk of pursuing (and speeding, i suppose.)

well, 33 comments (albeit, many are mine)...that must be some sort of record. and i'm almost not inclined to blog, to see if the number will continue to ascend.
the sad thing is knowing that this new post will garner almost next to no comments. but 33 comments is a hard act to follow. its not unlike some random kid having to follow Jeffrey Buttle in the Men's free skate.

At any rate...even so, i just HAD to blog about my undying affections for Apple. The moment i received my ipod for Christmas, i just knew that Apple and i were destined to be lovers.
So when my left earphone started to buzz, i realized the honeymoon phase was over. buzzzzz it did. Tremendously annoyed that my Ipod's love for me should disintegrate so soon, i hopped online to the Apple store, and filled out a request for a replacement. Free of charge, they sent me a replacement set of earphones...and they came in 2 days!! Not only that, but i have to return the defective earphones i had...and they make it SUPER simple to do so!! All i do, is stick them back in the envelope the replacements came in..call up purolator, and ask purolator to pick them up from me..all shipping paid for by Apple.

SO, this is just to say that it has increased my love for Apple once more and now i am more than infatuated with Apple. i am sincerely and deeply in love. swoon.

***

GIRLS, click here to read... if you are a guy, i ask that you would refrain from reading. its just for girls. however, if you do choose to read, know that that is YOUR prerogative and don't say i didn't warn you.

my hand is cramping from writing hand-written letters to accompany my support letters. ugh. so break time!! i will pose 2 questions for you...think about them and then reply :)

Question #1: Is speeding biblical?
i was talking to my friend andrew about this...and my first thought was Romans 13.

he then asked me...if the flow of traffic is going above the speed limit is it still unbiblical to speed? admittedly,...if the rest of traffic is speeding, then it is unsafe to drive slower than the flow of traffic....does it become biblical then?
OR what if its a clear stretch of highway...no cars...is it okay to speed THEN because its safe and there's no one around?

what do y'all think?

edit: i googled this issue...and this is a blog i found. some of the comments are good.
http://www.timlinden.com/blog/2005/11/27/speeding-a-sin/

Question #2: What is the girl's role when she thinks a guy might be interested in pursuing her and she is interested in him? (in a Christian context...although i'd be interested to hear what anonymous would say. always provides a good viewpoint that i may not have considered before)
Been talking about this with a couple of my girlfriends and guy friends. Seems to come up relatively frequently, since most friends my age are beginning relationships for the first time.

Should the girl just remain stoic and not give any hints? or should she show that she is interested too?

i talked to Maria and Dave about this during our car rides yesterday. Both weren't too sure..haha its a more complex question than it seems.

Maria said that some of her solid girlfriends who are in relationships would probably say that a little flirting would be a positive thing (flirting in a christian context...not in 'i am a floozy' context)..perhaps a better word would be what Pri uses "impress"... allowing the guy to impress her, and in turn, also impressing the guy.
Maria, however, also pointed out that most of her solid girlfriends are bubbly and would therefore need to go beyond that bubbliness to show a guy they were interested...whereas someone with her personality, who is more reserved wouldn't need to be as bubbly..and therefore, it depends on the person.

Dave pointed out that regardless of whether a girl hinted or not, if he liked her enough, he would pursue her anyways. I'd like to mention though, that Dave Wong is a SUPER solid, godly guy..and most guys are not like him...in that they might not act the way he does. He also made a good point that most guys don't even realize that a girl is hinting anyways...so it doesn't make much difference.

What do i think? well obviously, i'm not sure.. or else i probably wouldn't be asking the question. However, i do think that in 'hinting' the line can be easily blurred between allowing the guy to do the pursuing and pursuing the guy.

so what do y'all think?

SO HOT.

a fun filled weekend. for my own recollection purposes, a run down of the ongoings.

friday: dinner with miss lindsay layne....at this great shanghainese restaurant. YUMM... dumplings. yumm...shu mai. yumm. noodles. great time of bonding. i'll miss her :(

praise team practice for good friday until 11:30.

miss layne kindly drove me all the way back downtown. we had boy talk ^_^

saturday: realized i couldn't fit the dress i was planning to wear on friday night...so headed over for a RUSH shopping trip. bought an irish green dress. don't ask about the pricing fiasco.

got ready to go to the fellowship dinner. ran out of fuel for my cordless hair curler...and was forced to run to the drugstore, with my hair half curled and half not curled to get a new energy cell!

amac, a-ching, and ryan l. picked me up from the subway station and off we went. got a bit car sick and had to squish beside ryan l. and sit in the middle.
"if i moved over, would that be invading your personal space?"
"are you hitting on me, lydia?"

fellowship dinner. great time with great people. 2 tables of people from maria's and my church.

timmy ho's after the fellowship dinner. good times. especially at the very end when a-ching, ryan and i watched to see if amac would hold the doors for us. it slammed in my face and we shared a laugh, just the three of us.

amac, amanda and ryan dropped me off at my place...but before that we went to dominions to find andrew's parents flowers for their anniversary. it was 1 am. to redeem andrew, he did offer to carry my purse and my shopping bag that i was carrying around. what a sweetheart. found flowers, but there was no one there to help us wrap them...So we went behind the desk and retrieved tape, scissors and a plastic sleeve. i felt a bit sneaky. got the heart pumping. very clandestine.

sunday: church in the morning. lunch. you should've seen maria get irritated. she was SO cute! had the BEST bubble tea ever...great pearls man. destiny's is where its at!! too bad its SUPER far from my house.
purpose driven life leaders training. UGH RICK WARREN IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long winded!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was DYING watching that video.
and yes...my church HAS jumped on the 40 days of purpose bandwagon. c'est dommage.
had a good ride back with dear dave wong. he's a solid guy. and single, girls! hahaha..i don't think he'd appreciate me saying that. but yes, i love dave wong! he's totally fab. and gave me a good opinion on something i've been puzzling on lately.


all in all a splendid weekend.

and now some photos. apparently pri and i love to 'practice being photogenic'. because being photogenic has everything to do with practice.

pri, amanda, teapot lyd (wow, don't i look short and stout there).

laugh fest. we were SO not ready!

there we go! so much better!!

sad...

thats better!

wendy, the soon to be cowgirl...and lydia..the former cowgirl.

maria is SO cute right now.... SOOOO CUTE!

jazz hands/fob fingers/asian cuteness...whatever you want to call it.

there'll be more with other people..sometime in the near future. thanks pri for the pics!

a good night filled with fun.

nobreux pensees.

sometimes i blog stalk. found this on a staffer's blog:

50 foods to eat before you die. i have 8 more to go! find out which ones i have already eaten here

Wow, here i am blogging away like no tomorrow! but i loved this post and it spoke truth to me today ^_^ So i'm going to post it anyways. YAY Carolyn McCulley. i love her blog. she's such a wise woman.

Waiting to be Interrupted

Okay, so back to the college-and-your-future discussion. I spent about a half-hour today looking for a quote that had been buzzing around my head for the last few days. It was about how it's the man's job to interrupt a woman's plans. I was sure it was something Elisabeth Elliot had said. But after flipping through all the copies of her books that I own, I realized it was Douglas Wilson who said it. What he wrote in Her Hand in Marriage was:

But boys must be trained to take risks, which means being

confident in the midst of the unknown. As they do this on

an immature level, fathers should work with them, and teach them,

without destroying this masculine impetus.

Courtship reveals how necessary this masculinity is. Many modern

young men approach a girl, and they are quite serious as far as their

intentions go, but they are afraid of interfering with her life. "You

know, she is going to graduate soon, but she wants to go to school

at Notre Dame, and I don't really want to go to Notre Dame, and

showing interest in her would really disrupt all her plans."

But the whole point of courtship is to disrupt a young lady's plans.

A godly young woman is not going to stand around waiting for marriage.

Rather, she will be preparing herself for marriage. This means she

will be heading in some particular direction, and not just marking time.

A young man should not be afraid of disrupting, because marriage is

by its very nature a disruption of her previous way of life.

This is a releasing perspective, isn't it? There is a tension Christian women can experience in trying to live for God right here, right now, while also trying to prepare for a possible future as a wife and mother. Because we creatures don't like the unknown, we often want to box God in and try to determine from the outset what our futures hold. Fortunately, for the sake of our characters, the Lord doesn't allow this. Instead, He asks for our trust as He unfolds the details He's lovingly arranged.

So, we are not to just stand around. We are to be making plans for the future--and praying for godly men who know how to risk interrupting us. As Elisabeth Elliot used to say, if you don't know what to do, then just do the next thing in front of you. As you are faithful with that next step, you can be assured that God will keep directing you to one next thing after another. And maybe one day those steps will put you right in the path of the man who is to be your husband. In the meantime, here's further counsel from her book, Quest for Love, about what waiting should look like:

Often a Christian man or woman falls prey to that cruel and

vexatious spirit, wondering how to find marriage, who, when,

where? It is on God that we should wait, as a waiter waits--not

for but on the customer--alert, watchful, attentive, with no other

agenda of his own, ready to do whatever is wanted.

Amen, amen!

(bold= my emphasis)

i'm hopeless!!
A morning story which will hopefully make you chuckle.

I was on my way to the elevators (to pick up my new shoes which had just arrived... they're simply phenom, by the way!!) and a short asian woman came out of her apartment, just across from the elevators and said, "Excuse me, you don't read an asian language do you?"

"No," i replied regretfully.

"ha ha. its okay, i'm hopeless too!" replied the woman.


HAHA. i'm HOPELESS?? awww. shucks!!!

wow what an eventful day. seriously. i don't like blogging about my day..but seriously, i feel as though i had many adventures!!

Had a good QT this morning and just felt so at peace..ahhh gotta love those days!! Even in the midst of confusion, His word is just so steady and trustworthy!

Nicknames
Lyds, Lyd..but NOT Lid. can't stand Lid.

the best nickname i've ever been given is probably Lydidia...because no one named Lydia has that one :) Props to nathan. i think though, that nathan is the only person that gets to use this one. if everyone starts using it, it'll get hokey. invent your own nickname for me, and you can use it. well..maybe.

so choose either Lyds or Lyd...or better yet, just call me Lydia.
***

Went to class...SHORTEST class ever ^_^ Got out 1.5 hours early.

Met up with pri.

Adventures in Korea Town
Okay so Pri, J and I are having a sleepover next thursday. And we REALLY wanted to watch the movie Darren blogged about on his blog. So, we decided to go to Korea Town in search of this movie.

The first video store we went into had NO clue what we were talking about. We went to Morning Glory (a stationery store) to ask for directions to another video store. We went to the second video store--the guy had NO clue what we were talking about. SOOO, we tried phoning J to get her to google it...but she didn't answer her phone. Refusing to give up, we made a LONG DISTANCE phone call to Ottawa (1139-D) in the hopes that either matt rice or nathan would be home. Matt answered, and we got him to check out Darren's blog..and then google the actors in the movie. HAHA. Went back into the video store, got the name of the movie in Korean..but they didn't have it. SO they directed us to yet ANOTHER video store down the street. BUT, we couldn't find it..and had to walk BACK...went into a coffee shop, who FINALLY directed us to the video store... got to the video store..and GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they had the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSS!
...


or not. since it didn't have subtitles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH.

Pigs
we came back and treated ourselves to eclairs for the 1.5 hours of walking (and eating curry chips) in Korea Town. the eclairs were so disgustingly sweet. i feel fat.

Adventures at Eaton's Centre
Chatted with Deej for a bit...and pri realized that a brown dress with a black cardigan would be a fashion faux pas... SO at 5 past 8pm, we hustled over to Eaton's centre to find Pri a cardigan that would match...ONLY to realize pri had forgotten her wallet at my place. KNOWING that the mall closed at 9, i offered to pay for her purchase and we scurried around the mall looking for a cardigan. Went to FOUR shops in the space of less than 30 mins and ran back to my place.

Clean-age!!

THEN i decided that it was high time to clean my room and Deej kindly volunteered to help. i wish i had a picture. but essentially... i had SO much clothing on the floor, that it was not only piling up...it was impossible to SEE the floor. Think a year's worth of clothing, lying on the floor. So Deej and i cleaned and vacuumed and folded LIKE MAD!!! Thanks DEEJ! you are SUCH a cool roomie!!!!!! we've had some rough patches, but its been great getting things a bit back on track!!!!!

and now i'm here. tomorrow.....cleanage of the solarium, club status petition meeting and sleepover at pri's house.

i'm so tired. ha.

so i took time today to think about attributes i would want in a future boyfriend/husband... i do this on a semi-regular basis (about once a year)...keeps me grounded. anyways, i always lose my list...so this time i'm blogging it..so that i can't lose it. actually, come to think of it...i remember blogging about this in December (read it HERE)...i remember because i think it was one of the first blogs that "anonymous" commented on. hahaha.

but i'm going to write this out again. i think i have more stuff now...and its in a list format. if y'all have non-negotiables/negotiables that i haven't listed on here, leave a comment ^_^ i've probably forgotten some things :)

Non-Negotiables

• must have a heart for God-- a mature Christian with a walk similar to mine
• must be a leader--someone that i can follow ( i know that i have a very strong and dominant personality..and so this is something that is essential.)
• must be bold
• must have a heart for the Gospel and the Great Commission (although, this goes hand in hand with a heart for God)
• must desire to be in full time ministry
• must ask my dad to date me (on the phone, or with a letter... no email!)
• my dad must say yes
• must treat his parents (especially his mum) lovingly and with respect
• must be authentically humble
• must be gentle
• someone who can make me laugh ^_^
• must understand the role of biblical womanhood and manhood
• must be loving and tender
• has a missions statement for his life
• (must have a heart for francophones *
• must desire to join staff with Campus Crusade for Christ *)
• any potential husband MUST be willing to support my parents--this is the chinese custom...and i intend to uphold this custom.

* these may change and fluctuate depending on the Lord's leading.

Negotiables

• musical (i put this under negotiables..because music is a huge part of my life...but i think about how my dad was not at all musical until he married my mum...THEN he became an awesome singer..haha)
• a good dresser. (okay, so a BIT superficial..but still... dress for success!! i personally am very fond of preppy (i.e. styles like GAP, AE, Club Monaco)
• listens to similar music (it would be horrible to be driving somewhere with him and have to listen to rap or screamo...but of course..i would if i loved him!)
• will watch ballet with me (this is actually VERY close to being a non-negotiable)

having written these things out, i wanted to point out that it isn't just a one way street... if i ever end up in a relationship/marriage... i too will strive to meet these non-negotiables...well, its not as though it begins when i'm in a relationship. i rephrase that. I AM striving to meet these criteria. :) i know they seem immense...but i have these things as a standard, so i won't settle for anything less. likewise, if i do not meet the criteria a guy holds, then he shouldn't settle for me.

anyways, this has been good to think these things through once again.

oh, while i'm at it....lyrics that i LOVE :) Seriously. bethany dillon= amazingly stunning. and all this from a once 15 year old? insane.

For My Love~ Bethany Dillon

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you.

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love.

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you.
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued.

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Ask me for my love.

my favourite chinese word has always been "ma fan"....i suppose the direct translation would be "troublesome"...but somehow ma fan holds just so much more meaning than troublesome ever could.

anyways, i hate bureaucracy and red tape. so today, i am using this word a lot.

UGH!!!!!!!!!! hen MA FAN!!! 很麻烦！！

A memory.

it was the first day of grade 6. i was late for class..and i was running.

i stepped into a hornets nest.

i got into class, and was crying because it hurt so much. i had stings everywhere.

everyone was staring at me. i was the new kid. the kid they knew was supposed to be in grade 5 but was instead in their class.

my new teacher, who had protested against me skipping a grade, ignored me as i slipped in late.

i don't think i ever felt more lonely and more insecure than that first day in class.

but i'm pretty much glad i'm not as nerdy anymore.

or maybe i just have nerdier friends, so it all equals out ^_^

we met up with the mormon guys again today--i can't explain it, but we parted and i just felt SO horribly frustrated. For the last 15 minutes of meeting with them, i wanted to cry knowing they are so misled and so far from the truth. a part of this is my pride--i hoped that what was said from our last meeting had at least left an impact, or made a dent in their hearts....or that perhaps today would make some difference--but it didn't seem to do anything...and my heart just aches for the three of them.
i don't think we'll be meeting up with them anymore--a part of me is relieved; no more manipulative questions! Another part just wants to meet them again, in the hopes that something could be said that would change their hearts.
i dunno...

tonight my heart just aches for them.

confusion....all gone! bai bai! ^__^

confusion in the noggin....

...

anyways...onto thinking about bigger and better things.

like how i have a super friend like pri ^_^ isn't she super hot!

so let me post something my dear friend Warren G. e-mailed me:


hey lydia
how's it going with the video?...hopefully you'll get it all done by tmw...=->
anyways, I was thinking, since we're helping out tomorrow with the decorations, I'll be there early. and I'll need to get changed before the banquet. But I will be bringing my car down, so I was thinking, maybe I could pick you up from your place after you get dressed up and we could go together?...sort of like a date?...nothing like really serious though, and if this freaks you out just don't worry about it...it just seemed like the right time to ask and hopefully you won't mind...but yeah, let me know, and I guess I'll see you tomorrow!
-Warren G.

i totally freaked!! i was like, what the heck? i go online and tell pri that i have to tell her something..and even before i tell her, she says, "before anything u know its april fools day right?"

UGH WARREN IS A JERKFACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and if you scroll down in his e-mail: april fools my friend =->

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH warren you are SO dead. if there's pie tonight, its going in your FACE.




***

i have to post another april fool's day e-mail i got because it was SO hilarious. LOL. its from my friend Chris who is currently residing in East Asia:

So, I was shopping at a big department store near my home, and I saw a new
foreigner (not many around here). He said he was Canadian but somehow I
didn't believe him; he had a southern drawl and sounded more like he was
from Alabama. Anyway, we did our shopping together, talked a little, and he
asked me about some good places to shop in town, etc.

We exchanged phone numbers (little did I know his number was phony), and
made plans to meet again sometime.

He'd obviously been in country quite a while, as his language was
phenomenal. Anyways at the check-out counter, he said something I couldn’t
catch to the girl and then left.



But after the girl put my few items through the scanner it came to over five
times the price it should have cost.


I told her "impossible! I only got these things!" Then she said that my
brother told her I would pay.

My brother? Who the heck is my bro--- THAT FOREIGNER!!

I told them no, he lied, and tried to chase after the guy, hoping he hadn't
caught a cab yet. I dashed out of the door and told them “he's a thief! He
cheated me!” but the stupid door lady and a few others stopped me form
leaving. Then I saw the manager who knows me and I gave him my ID card and
said I'll be back.

The manager let me go, and I ran out the door with the manager. LUCKILY we
saw him getting into a cab across the street and the manager yelled at the
cab driver "Don't go! Don't go!" and the foreigner was yelling at the driver
"Quickly go! That foreigner is a gangster!" which was funny when I heard the
translation later.

I got to the door, grabbed the guy's leg, and started pulling on it, just as
I'm pulling all of yours.









Happy April Fool’s day!



Chris :-)

i'm kinda sad today, thinking about how next year will be super different. as the year ends, goodbyes quickly approach...

the last time i had to say goodbye to friends was when i was moving to Toronto for university. But this time, its not me leaving--but rather, friends of mine who are completing one phase of their life and moving on to other exciting endeavours.
While this is exciting, and i'm so eager to see what God does with their lives, i can't help but think of how much of an impact they had on my life--i know..its not as though i was SUPER good friends with most of the people leaving, but they still impacted me in some way.

When i think of people graduating and leaving, i think of two particular people--not because they are SUPERLY good friends of mine, but because i've learned so much from them. Their wisdom and lifestyle of servant leadership have impacted me immensely. i remember the first time i met these two guys--it was the KSL breakfast at summit. there they were, sitting side by side at the end of the table, and for some reason they seemed SUPER old to me. i was so terribly intimidated--i don't think i said more than two sentences that first breakfast. Its crazy to look back and think that i now consider these two guys my friends. for the past two years, i've looked up to them, have learned so much by just observing them...and am so blessed to call them my friends. Ethan and Parker, i know you two probably don't read this blog...but i just wanted you both to know that as you graduate and go overseas, i will miss you both. words don't do justice to how much i have learned from the two of you, and how encouraged i've been by both of you :) we'll keep in touch for sure!


















Two other people who are leaving who really impacted me in first and second year...
Ryan and Wendy--i don't think the two of them read this blog....in fact, the chances are significantly lower than Ethan and Parker reading this...but i'll write this anyways.

Well wendy, thinking back, my first memory of you is actually NOT meeting you. Rather, it was the day when Karmen Wong told me that she had a friend from Toronto visiting her place in edmonton, and that i could meet this friend if i went to her house on Saturday morning. Alas, i slept in on Saturday morning, and didn't get to meet you then. I wasn't too worried or disappointed, i think my thought went something like "ahh, well whatevs, its just another person, no big deal."

So clubs day rolled around, i hadn't made any friends in Toronto, hadn't found a church...and i met you "by chance". in less than 5 minutes, i had learned that YOU were the person i was supposed to meet that Saturday, and that my former worship team leader's parents had led you to Christ at an airport in Asia. Coincidence? i think not.

over the past 3 years, you haven't been "just another person"; you have impacted my life greatly--you were one of the first people i had ever met who was (and is!) sold out for the Gospel. i am SO glad that i met you, and just SO blessed to have been discipled by you--even if it was for just a short while. i can't wait to come visit you in calgary. ^_^

Well Ryan Kirk... i hear you're the ultimate blog-ker. so maybe you'll read this ^_^ do you remember our bible studies when i was in first year? sometimes it was just me, you and melissa. hahaha. isn't it amazing that in just a few short years, there's now 3 DGs running at U of T? i wonder what it'll be like the next time we see each other... i'm so excited for the day when we'll meet up again and i'll be able to tell you about all the fruits reaped at U of T because of the multitudes of seeds you have planted over the past few years. i won't forget that first year bible study--how i never talked, was super quiet, and how you and melissa reached into my life and astounded me by your commitment to the gospel. you'll be missed for sure!!


welps, enough cheese for one night! lydia is going to bed!

sometimes i say things without thinking..and then in retrospect i realize they sound mean or angry or just idiotic.

new practice: silence is golden and i'm going to listen twice as much as i speak.

haha i feel famous:

cheers to my snob program.

http://www.trudeaucentre.ca/bio2004.html

thoughts whizzing around the ol' noggin

lots of thoughts whizzing around today.

the mormons came--not two of them...but THREE!!! poor Deej, if she had been there all alone it would have been 3 against 1!! but i'm pretty glad that they came, it was a very good exercise in apologetics. They were really sweet guys, but some of the stuff they were saying was just so blasphemous--part of me wanted to cry, part of me wanted to laugh at the absurdity of having three mormon guys in our apartment proselytizing, part of me was infuriated that they were claiming the precious Word of God has been distorted and is unreliable.
i was so grateful though--admittedly, my knowledge of the Scriptures is not up to par, but God was moving and gave me the words to say and the Scripture to challenge them. Verses just kept popping into my head reminding me of the truth, and allowing me to question their beliefs.

Those guys knew the Bible so well though--it was heartbreaking. To see 3 guys so passionate about their beliefs and who know scripture like the back of their hands is something that is lacking in the Christian church today--its not an easy thing to go to someone's house and proselytize. Its a shame they don't know the REAL, TRUE and EVERLASTING God. if only us Christians (myself included...perhaps more than most) would step it up a couple of notches and KNOW our scripture well and become passionate about sharing the gospel--i know often i am FAR too lacksadaisical in this aspect. What an impact we would have. i can't help but think how many people are being influenced by just those 3 guys--many, i'm sure.

my roommate anja and a girl, Rosa, from one of my classes came home while the 3 mormons were still here--i had to stifle a laugh at the absurdity of it all. After they were gone, Rosa made a remark that has haunted me ever since. " i didn't think you were THAT religious, Lydia."
She was referring to the fact that she had initially thought we were having bible study with the mormons and that the first thought that crossed her mind was "i didnt think lydia was THAT religious."
That she would say this broke my heart--it is a testimony to how little i share the gospel, even though i KNOW it is a life changing message. i've never seen myself as someone who hides her identity as a Christian--even in high school, when my faith was rocky people KNEW me as 'the Christian'. In class i've often made it known that i'm a fairly conservative Christian...
but wow...i guess my eyes have been opened a bit more in regards to the way i've been living my life. and i'm disappointed.

3 guys who would give up 2 years of their life to spread the message of a completely untrue belief...and yet i, someone who knows the Way, the Truth and the Life, share the beautiful gospel message far less often.

oh so disappointing Lydia. so disappointing.

i am however grateful for all the opportunities i have had of late to share the gospel. its been fantastic. i'm lovin' it! Now, if only i'd make more opportunities :)

***
oh, i forgot to blog about our escapade with the Ryerson Students' Union (RSU) president today! yup thats right, i talked to her today! Well...more like argued politely!!! haha, i don't even go to ryerson.

Was sitting with Pri and Warren in their clubs office, when the woman who does all of their bookings (i think?) came to the office to tell them about a postcard the RSU was selling that disturbed her. I think it said something like "Kill in the name of Jesus" and was apparently meant to "promote discussion" about fundamentalist Christianity in the States... but i mean come on! what would people think when they saw that postcard? All it does is promote hatred towards Christians--gee. shocker.

anyways, pri, warren and i decided to go see this postcard that a NON-CHRISTIAN was even offended by...and pri could tell that i wanted to say something...so she said that i should say it...so i started talking to the girl working at the desk...who then referred me/us to the president of the Ryerson students' union....who i argued with (argued seems like the wrong word...its not as though there was shouting or anything) for a good 8 minutes...but it went nowhere. of course being politically correct, she said that she'd take it up with the group who was selling the postcards. yeah right.

next time i go to ryerson i will make a stink again.

haha.

today in our dg we took a field trip.

well, it was more like steve and J who took me on a field trip. no one else came for today's dg, which i thought was probably one of the most eye opening DGs.
i mean when you go to a cemetary for DG its pretty interesting...and definitely makes the study more applicable to one's own life.

i'll blog more about it later.


when i die, what will my epitaph say?

***

oh and sometime this summer i want to have a FRIENDS marathon and a REBA marathon. we'll rent all the seasons and watch them. i wonder how many episodes one could watch in a row. hmm 12 hours per season, 10 seasons for FRIENDS....120 hours. 5 straight days...haha..yeaaah its not happening man. forget that i even suggested this.

i am addicted to yogurt covered fruit and nut bar thingies. so good. oh man. i have to find a bulk barn and stock up!!!
***
to the person who tried to hack into my e-mail this weekend: i don't know if you succeeded, you probably didn't...but regardless--thats a jerk thing to do! i'm assuming you're someone i know, because i'm not that interesting to people i don't know. if you'd like to take a gander at my e-mail account, just ask me sheesh, its not like i have anything to hide. but hacking is not cool, whoever you are!
***
so apparently, the mormons are coming to our apartment on tuesday. if y'all want to come check out the gong-show, please do. if not, pray for us. this'll be a good umm practice of apologetics. nevertheless i acknowledge the spiritual battle which will go on, so prayers are appreciated.
***
oh and someone is scamming our wireless internet. and we have no clue how to stop this person. but i was checking out her music on itunes (since she's on our network)...and this is the creepy thing. her playlist is remarkably similar to mine. the postal service, sigur ros, death cab for cutie, belle and sebastian...even the jackson five!

however, she also has jennifer lopez. and i would never sink THAT low. sometimes i think i might be turning into a music snob. nah, i'm not that far gone yet.

***
God is good and His gospel is sweet.

thanks for the prayers guys.


i'll qualify this. today, i was brought to tears by the beauty of God's gospel as a friend exclaimed "i wish i had known this (referring to the gospel) before. i wish i had grown up with this."

sometimes, i get so swept up in the DOING, that i forget about why i do the things i do. but this weekend, i was so touched by the beauty and sweetness of the gospel. oh how it brings healing to those who ask for it!

perhaps this is the first time in a long while that i've been awakened to the loveliness of the gospel. well, the first time in a long while that its hit my calloused heart in a new way.

feels like spring is coming guys. i feel like i have lots of energy to do His work :)

Resting in His arms is a good thing.

priez pour moi//pray for me.

well guys, i did it! i cut my hair all by myself for the first time.

actually, i didn't really cut all of my hair..i just gave myself bangs--i was tired of waiting to make a hair appointment, and i didn't want to shell over $15 bucks so i could have bangs. so i did it myself.

yay! i feel proud of myself! no more hair in the eyes. maybe someday i'll progress to giving myself a REAL haircut. that would be very wex.

multiple things on the mind.

• thought #1

there is something that i want really badly--i want it so much. the question is: will it happen?

have you ever prayed and prayed and prayed for something, believing with your whole heart that it would come to pass...only for it to not happen? for me, it then becomes a struggle not to be disappointed and angry at God-- in my head i KNOW that He has bigger plans, but it still remains a struggle.

i want this so badly, and i believe that it can and will come to pass...and yet, i'm scared that it won't and i'll end up angry at God. make sense?
if i'm thinking about this already, am i doubting God? is this representative of my lack of faith--the fact that i'm prepping myself for 'disasater' so to speak? perhaps...
but at the same time, i believe...or i WANT to believe. i know that things are not over until HE says they are over--Christ dictates reality, not our circumstances. i truly believe this. but this is one of those times, where i'm not sure what to expect. nowhere does it say in the Bible that things will go my way.

i guess all i can do is take this step of faith in obedience and trust that what comes to pass is what He wants to happen and will be what glorifies Him the most.

(i know this is ambiguous. purposefully so. if you know what i'm talking about, please also make your comments purposefully ambiguous as well. )

• thought #2: frustration!!

for awhile now, i've been blessed to have no 'drama' in my life. the days of 'delilah' are over. i used to bemoan being single. hmm bemoan is a rather strong word to use. i suppose it would be more realistic to say that i was unsatisfied with my singlehood. granted, i would have never actually ADMITTED this... but it is true--and evident by the fact that i have had a crush on many a boy (wow in reading the past couple of lines, i've made myself sound like a female version of don juan or something. i assure you, despite what pri says, i am no delilah).

but for the past while, i have been so blessed to find myself in a place of contentment, where i am single and truly enjoying it. not only that, but i don't even find myself attracted to anyone . This is a pretty big feat (and by no means done on my own strength), because if you have ever hung out with girls (or mike dytynyshyn or joe choi) a topic that always seems to pop up is boys, boys, boys. who likes who, who should be paired up with who...etc. ugh.

to summarize: i am single and loving it!

So lately i've become really frustrated when people hint that i should like "so and so" or try to not-so-subtly match-make me. Some of my friends have told me they think a friend of mine likes me--that in itself is fine. they can tell me whatever they want. But when i told one of my friends i wasn't interested she said, and i quote, "why not? you haven't even given him a chance! from what you've told me he's a solid guy!"

What, so i start dating him just because he's a solid guy? should i date EVERY single solid christian guy? what kind of mindset is that?

Why is it so wrong to be single and to enjoy being single and to NOT want to like anyone? i don't want a boyfriend right now and i DON'T have feelings for anyone...so why should i give this guy a chance? just for the sake of it? just to say i did it? come on now! we're not 14 anymore, when it was cool to have a handholder! been there, done that, it wasn't all that great.

a little friendly teasing once in awhile i can take...but lately its been absurd. i'm not blaming a particular friend--its almost ALL my friends who are into these little jokes and such. last summer, a lot of joking went on--and it proved to make me a very confused person. after awhile, jokes like "you should get together with so and so" or "lydia likes _____" have a way of seeping into your head, making you feel things you wouldn't have otherwise and getting you all confused. feelings i had this summer didn't naturally come from me, they were to a large extent, the byproduct of all the teasing that went on.

it wasn't cool. i didn't say anything then, because i thought i was strong enough and i thought it was anal to get upset over a little teasing. but i think this time i need to put my foot down.

i like being single, i want to be single, i don't have a crush on anyone and thats that. so don't try to matchmake me and don't tell me that i should give 'so-and-so' a chance, because its NOT going to happen.

someday, i'll want to be in a relationship and when that day comes, it'll be great. y'all can tease me all you want. especially priyanka. i know you'll loooove making a funny toast at my wedding about being 'a delilah'. but right now, i'm not in one, and i don't have any prospects, and i don't want to get all worked up about fantasies that aren't reality. so everyone, please save the jokes for another day. i promise, hold the jokes now, and IF i get married you can make a super funny, idiotic toast at my wedding.

if not, you can make it at my funeral.

edit: just to qualify this, this thought was NOT in reference to anyone specific. if you choose to read it as though its about you, thats your prerogative, but as a warning it WASN'T about any one friend in particular.

• thought #3: addictions

msn addiction.

its sad to say, but i kinda miss msn. there are certain people that i only ever talk to on msn, and i miss the possibility of talking to them. for example, my friend beth from Montreal project--i don't even talk to her that much, but when i do, its on msn. even so, i don't talk to her all that much on msn. but i miss the POSSIBILITY of talking to her. does that make sense? there's other people in the same category as beth as well. people like parker and matt rice--i want to know where they're going next year, if they've made a decision, if they've heard back. but i only ever talk to them on msn. or people like darren who are far away.

again, in all these cases, i don't even talk to them much on msn. but i miss the possibility of doing so.

i miss chatting with my dad on msn about my bank account.

and i miss chatting with shelly--will call you sometime next week bella!

wow the addiction is a strong one. lame.

• thought #4: money

wow i'm just churning out the thoughts. i'm not good with my money. i know i'm not. but i'm currently reading one of Janette's books-- Money, Posessions and Eternity by Randy Alcorn..and i'm determined to become better with my money. the book has been really convicting. ugh!

"Jesus Christ said more about money than about any other single thing because, when it comes to a man's real nature, money is of first importance. Money is an exact index of a man's true character. All through Scripture there is an intimate correlation between the development of a man's character and how he handles his money."~ Richard Halverson

up till now, i've never really seen a need to be all that cautious--i figured, so long as i tithed things were good. i've never been conscientious in glorifying God through how i spend my money. but things are going to have to change.

(i think my dad will like this thought a lot)

some days i just get SO

FRUSTRATED!

will elaborate later.

today i saw a chocolate cupcake. chocolate with sprinkles. it looked deliciously tantalizing.

i wanted one.

the thing is, i already had one of these cupcakes on sunday, and despite it looking delicious, it actually tasted quite bad.

so today, when she brought the cupcakes in, i told myself that i would not take one. i was satisfied with the cookies i had just devoured and the chocolate milk i had just drunk.

but as everyone else took one, i couldn't help but glance at the box that held the cupcakes. they were so alluring. "eat me. eat me." they cried.

so i took a cupcake. but the first bite was just as horrible as i had anticipated.

i stuffed the cupcake into my milk carton and threw it away after class.

***

a small part of my life is currently like today's cupcake escapade. i like where i am, i don't want things to be different at all. and yet, the cupcake is so alluring. i know that once the cupcake is in my grasp, i won't want it at all...but i still want it.

cryptic, i know.

wow i'm just blogging away eh? i wanted to post this, because i found it to be a good read...not so applicable for myself, since i am very single...and couldn't even picture myself dating a non-Christian guy ( imagine date#2: "so honey, would you like to listen to john piper tonight?" haha what a disaster that would be)...
nevertheless i found this to be interesting and i know its applicable in the lives of some of my friends.

Circumstances and Providence by Carolyn McCulley
In my book, I looked at the story of Ruth and how Naomi surveyed her forlorn circumstances and concluded that God's hand had gone out against her. She was convinced there would be no further favor from God. But God's providence is quiet and often hard to detect until viewed in hindsight. Such was the case with Naomi. She had no idea that as she returned home to Bethlehem in time for the barley harvest that this would be the very same harvest God would use to bless her beyond her wildest hopes.

There is a flip side to how we view our circumstances and God's providence. In Naomi's case, she didn't see anything favorable happening so she surmised God would not bless her once again. But what if circumstances seem to hand us exactly what we want? Is that automatically confirmation of God's will? Not necessarily. Bruce Waltke addresses this in his book, Finding the Will of God. In his chapter on providence, he writes: "God gave us the Bible so that we would have His truth and could live our lives by its light. Do not put circumstances above God's Word. Don't allow your circumstances to contradict God's Word."

Dr. Waltke illustrates this concept from the account of David and Saul in the cave, found in 1 Samuel 24:1-22. Saul had been hunting David, and suddenly he enters the cave where David and his men are hiding out. Saul is in a vulnerable position as he relieves himself and it seems that God has delivered him straight into David's hands. As Dr. Waltke writes:

David had the opportunity to kill his enemy. The circumstances were propitious. The ruffians around David tried to convince him with an argument of circumstances: "It's perfect! It must be God's will!" So David began to follow them, and cut off a corner of the king's garment as a sign of insurrection. But then David's conscience smote him because Scriptures say you cannot touch God's anointed. Once God has anointed someone with holy oil, the Lord Himself must dispose of him. David was not to do it on his own terms. He was not to put a fortuitous circumstance above the Word of God. You can't take a bit of good timing as concrete evidence of God's will. You can't take God's providence and make it normative for every situation, or you will get into big trouble. David could have brought permanent harm to Israel by usurping the throne through violence.
As I meditated on this passage and Dr. Waltke's exposition, I had a burden for a few women who might be reading this post today and be tempted by their own circumstances. Specifically, I sensed the Lord may want to gently warn the Christian woman who is in a relationship with an unbelieving man. Your circumstances may be like Naomi's--you've surveyed the church and concluded that there are no single men around you. Or the men in your church have never pursued a relationship with you. You only see barrenness and drought where you thought there would be blessing. Then your circumstances have connected you with a non-Christian single man who has expressed some kind of interest. Perhaps you've subtly pursued him or he's asked you out a few times. You have friends like David's, friends who speculate as to whether or not this man has come into your life for a reason. Maybe you can change him. Maybe you will have a godly influence on him. No one else is asking you out, so this must be God's will. . . right?

Yet, your conscience nags you. You know that if this relationship progresses you may be tempted to immorality because his standards are not yours. Or you may end up being unequally yoked in marriage, a direct violation of Scripture. "But," you say to yourself, "he's the only one paying any attention to me! Surely God has opened this door."

You may be right. God may have opened the door. But not so you could walk through it in this manner. He may have opened the door for another reason entirely. You must weigh your circumstances against God's explicit commands in Scripture. If you are still conflicted, seek counsel from your pastor and/or a mature believer. But please don't believe God's providential ordering of your circumstances means you can disobey His Word. Our subjective interpretation of the events of our lives is always to be submitted to the objective Word.

And it may be that God providentially led you to read this entry today just so you can back away from temptation. I have prayed as I've written this post that the Holy Spirit will use it to glorify our Lord Jesus Christ in just this way.

Consider it kind counsel from a friend.

snob moment

WERD. NOT WORD.

you know when you say something like "WERD" in the place of saying "thats cool man..." (not like i say things like this. i'm chinese, i would look like a poser)

okay...it is not spelt WORD...its spelt W-E-R-D.

get that right everyone!

***

oh, and 75 hits to the page, 165 page views today...and the result? 4 comments?? wow there sure are a lot of y'all stalkers out there.

you know what is ridiculously amazing--provided you have a toothbrush and some paste with you?

tuna.

lemon pepper tuna and tomato basil tuna.

you can do pretty much anything with tuna. whole wheat crackers+cream cheese+tuna, sunflower grain bread + tuna (with mayo and sweet onion mustard), a veggie-tuna stirfry, straight out of the can...

wow. the possibilities are endless. lydia's love affair this week is with tuna.

now, if only tuna would motivate me to work. i haven't done anything this morning. i feel like a slob--albeit, a tuna consuming slob. i need a study buddy who will force me to go to the library and study...or who will entice me with promises of tuna.

alas, there is no such person. where art thou study buddy? there must be one of you in the student abyss! come out and volunteer thyself.

if you do, i might even share my tuna with you.

***

one of my friends from high school (she's a year older than me) who got married in summer 04 is pregnant. wowzas. congrats reanna and jerome

i can't even imagine being married...let alone being prego right now. i'm far too immature. i mean my life consists of blogging about tuna for harold's sake! haha.

***

edit 6:55 pm. okay scratch that. my love affair with tuna has ended. in its place...chicken shawarma!! i've never liked shawarma that much..but today i had an amazing chicken shawarma and...okay. i am hooked.

wow....i thought it was already such a blessing to be on the missions bulletin board at church...

but today i got an e-mail from the woman's small group at our church. Check it out. wow. so blessed.

Hi Ladies,

We announced at our last group meeting that we'll
'adopt' Lydia as our missionary.

That means we'll keep in touch with her mission work.
Pray and support her ministry.

Lydia is currently working with Campus Crusade at
University of Toronto.

Prayer for this week & next (before we meet again):
- Pray for the SOIL at U of T. As Maria shared with
us that the ground is hard at U of T. Let's ask God
to soften it so that the gospel seed can grow.
- Also pray for Lydia & campus crusade staff so that
they won't be discouraged by the tough soil but
persevere in their tasks.

Suggestion: Appoint a time (e.g. lunch, dinner, or
before bedtime) to pray for Lydia so you'll remember
her on a regular basis. Put post-it note on your
computer or mark it down as a 'things-to-do' item on
your day-timer/palm pilot.
Sisters, Let's all bang on heaven's door with our
prayers and devotion.

Lydia, let us know of any other prayer items that is
heavy on your heart. We are here for you.

Love-in-Him,
Catherine

***

and now, i'm jumping on this bandwagon since everyone else is doing it. yes, if everyone was jumping out of a plane i would do it too... oh wait. been there, done that.

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. violin/piano/flute teacher
2. tutor
3. umm does a day of stock taking work?
4. OH hahah working for "couche tard"/macs that one day last summer in montreal. i will never look at slurpees the same way again.


Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Amelie
2. Water
3. My Sassy Girl
4. 13 going on 30

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Gilmore girls!!
2. Everwood
3. Reba
4. CSI

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. China with the rents
2. Japan (not really a vacation..but kinda!)
3. Florida (a couple of times)
4. Singapore/Malaysia/Hong Kong

Four websites I visit daily (or often):
1. BLOGS--esp. pri and shelly
2. girltalk.blogs.com
3. solofemininity.blogs.com
4. google

Four of your favorite foods:
1. malaysian curry
2. satay hor fan
3. satay pho from pagolac in edmonton
4. chocolate chip oatmeal muffins

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. japan
2. hong kong
3. edmonton
4. somewhere in europe.

so my msn has been a pain in the arse for the past couple of days. i don't know if its my internet connection (which has also been a pain the derriere) or my computer (which, notably smelt as though it was burning on friday)...but it doesn't matter.

could this be a sign that msn and i are not fated to be together?

well regardless of the sign, here is my decision. i hereby announce that i am going to attempt to pull an Onifrichuk (named after a friend of mine who successfully disappeared off msn for an extended hiatus--although i saw you online today buddy! is the hiatus over?) and disappear from the msn world for an undetermined period of time. who knows i may be back online tomorrow. or the day i have my 85th birthday party (Lord willing).

i guess time will tell. if you love me, send me a lovely e-mail now and then. if not, i bid thee farewell! ^_^

***
lately i've just been so struck by the community i've found at church and the love that has been shown to me. Despite not hanging out with people at NCAC as much as i would like, i realize that i've been immensely blessed to know so many amazing people. At church we have a missions board, highlighting different missionaries around the world with their update letters pinned to the board. This week, they just completed it..and maria and i made it onto their board! Wow..what a blessing and a privilege to be on the missions board!! That my church doesn't just see me as another member of the congregation..but as one of their missionaries and as someone they will pray for, support and encourage is just beyond me. WEX. i was SO touched. what a blessing. the church i go to isn't perfect..in fact, it is quite far from perfect. admittedly, i have prideful (but somewhat truthful) days where i think to myself, "i just want to go to a church where i can be filled up to a greater extent and where i'll be challenged by the lives of the people living there." But at the same time, i have come to the realization that there is much that i can learn from NCAC--the amount of love and care they have demonstrated towards me and towards others is remarkable. Cliquey is not a term that exists at NCAC, which is pretty amazing in itself. And what an awesome opportunity for me to give back by challenging others at NCAC to live a radical life, sold out for the gospel of Jesus Christ. i think i'm liking this two-way relationship going on, and would like to work harder at it. ^_^

Speaking of love and care--props to Frank who was SUPER patient during praise team practice yesterday. i am definitely not a super-star leader...but Frank allowed me to take ownership of it anyways, and was so patient and loving...despite my great inadequacy as a praise team leader. yay frank!

A funny St. Patrick's day story.

Today Pri and i went to get our support letters photocopied. While we were there, an older gentleman with snowy white hair came into the photocopy shop. He went to the back, and found some discarded white rolled up paper and then told priyanka and i that he likes to use the paper to cut out snowflakes. He was a rather cute older gentleman, and so i decided that he was probably a little confused. He proceeded to show us a photocopied biology page with amoeba, and told us that the amoeba were top secret and confidential, and that he was going to shred the page so that no one else would be able to read it. After observing him for awhile, it was clear that he was suffering from some form of schizophrenia. Regardless, he was a cute and tall old man..so pri and i giggled while he said some peculiar things. But the following takes the cake. (Clarification, i'm not laughing at him...we just found what he said to be rather comical...)

"wait," he says as Pri and i are leaving the shop
"i am making some shamrocks for you two!"
He hands us the paper shamrocks he cut out and then says "i knew that you were Irish, i just knew it!!"

haha pretty funny considering that pri is brown and i'm chinese.

i always knew i had irish blood in me. it just had to be recognized!

pics of pri and i with the shamrocks!! Kiss me, i'm irish!



***

Oh another funny story of the day. Some friends were visiting and we went to the Trinity College chapel. And as we were standing there, we hear a voice "hello?"
And since the chapel was empty, we were confused, not knowing where the voice was coming from. We remained quiet, not knowing what to do--unsure of whether we had been too loud or whether a service was going on in another room.

"hello? is anyone there?"

we giggle nervously and still say nothing.

"i need some help."

so we start walking to the front of the chapel, still not knowing where the voice was coming from.

"i'm up here"

we look up, and in the organ loft...there was a man.

*nervous giggles*
in a nasally voice:
"i need help, i'm stuck up here"

i think by then we laughed out loud, feeling a bit relieved that we weren't in trouble, and at the funny situation.

"its not funny! i'm really stuck and actually quite frightened. can you go get someone to let me out?"

haha, we stifle our giggles..but only make it as far as the door before laughing. So i run and get the porter, who says,

"oh Lord, doesn't he have a key? why doesn't he just use the key to get out?"

Porter arrives on scene.

"sir, why don't you just use the key to get out?"

"i can't!"

"just stick the key in"

the guy mumbles something and tosses the key to the porter.

she then says she'll go get him from the organ loft.

but instead proceeds back to the porter's office.

we leave Trinity without finding out if the man is still stuck up there.

hahaha. hilarious!!!

man i honestly love love love ballet. there's nothing like the feeling after a good class.

yum.

and the old women who come up after class and say "oh darling, you are such a beautiful dancer." add to the fun goodness too. even if its an untruth, it still feels nice to be good at something. hehe.

y'all are all welcome to come watch a class anytime (no performance this year, sorry!) oh..by "y'all" i mean the people i actually know. not random blog stalkers. that would be kinda freaky.

***

now, while we're on the subject of ballet, lets talk about one of lydia's BIGGEST pet peeves.

i hate it when guys diss ballet, as though its something girly. That conception stems from ignorance and a desire for guys to seem macho. Makes me so mad. i'd like to see anyone--even a football player lift a 120 pound, 6 foot girl over their heads and jump and run at the same time. The endurance and strength needed is phenomenal. Not to mention the gift of artistry required in combination with the mental effort required. i wish macho guys would just get over themselves and stop trying to put up this image that artistry and emotion are for girls. And as an aside, even football players go to the National Ballet for training.

Oh, and btw, the two guys in my class on saturdays are buff and good looking AND sweet. which i'd take any day over guys who are really just insecure about their masculinity and mask it by being macho.

AHH. just makes me so irritated.

Anyways, tell me that yosuke mino doesn't look buff here. i mean check out those muscles. muscles which i'm sure most guys don't even know they possess.



oh, and girls who dance aren't pansies either. check out these puppies. not mine, but not far from what mine used to look like when i did pointe work. its a day to celebrate when you bleed through your shoe. ^_^

so enticing. i wonder if one can intern with them for a year. hmm. food for thought.

Christian Embassy to the United Nations.

okay so yeah, i read this and got all excited. THIS is what i've spent the last three years studying! How fun would it be to end up working in this area of ministry.
of course, there are so many fun options out there. quebec ministry being one of them.
so many choices. thank goodness i'm not graduating this year!

But now, if you will forgive their sin--but if not, please blot me out of your book that you have written. ~ Exodus 32:32

I am speaking the truth in Christ--I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit-- that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh. ~ Romans 9:1-3

its one thing to say i would give up my life for Christ.

but wow. that my heart would break so much for the lost that i would be willing to give up my own salvation to see God's glory manifested throughout is a whole new perspective.

***

in other news, does anyone know of a Christian ministry in Toronto dealing with women who work as prostitutes? I loved our prayer ministry in this area last summer in Montreal, and i think i'd like to get involved with some sort of ministry dealing with the sex trade this summer. anyone know of anything?

Newsflash. lydia is a workaholic.

its insane. without pressure its as though i can't function. ADD central. i've been blessed with an enormous gift of time, and what have i done with the talents? i've planted them in the ground instead of investing them.

lame lydia lame.

here's the dilemma. without the pressure of work, all i do is loaf around. loafing is NOT resting. its loafing. reading blogs is loafing. spending time on msn is loafing. these don't make me feel more relaxed, they just make me feel like a lazy bum. loafing is loafing, and i'm becoming a loafer. i STILL go to bed tired and wake up even more tired. why? because i haven't been resting, i've been loafing!!

at the same time, i have difficulty doing relaxing things--i often feel guilty, as though i should be doing something more important. When i sit down to read, i think to myself, "wow..i could be doing something so much more productive." or when i meet up with friends, i think "wow, this is 2 hours i should be spending doing REAL work."
of course, i always have fun when i hang out with friends.

i need to rid myself of this type of thinking. i can't be productive if i'm stressed and if i'm wired on coffee and cocacola. concurrently i will not be productive if i'm being a loafer. notice this: i tend to extremes. i either love things (jack johnson) or hate things (IBS--inductive bible study...not irritable bowel syndrome) i either work like a madwoman or loaf like a 27 year old chinese gamer who still lives with his parents. NEITHER is good! i must start learning how to live life in the middle ground.

goal: to STOP being a loafer. to START enjoying relaxing. and to DO relaxing things.

i've also given myself a little pressure to get my life back in order (loafing around has meant getting behind on schoolwork, a messy bedroom and feeling tired and fat 24/7) by committing to go visit a friend from high school who lives in London. If i want to have a fun time with her then i HAVE to get all my work done before i go see her! Nice, friendly pressure to give lydia a shove in her derriere. just what i need.

List of things Lydia would like to do during her month o' relaxation.

- hang out with friends more often
- read a GOOD book. or numerous good books.
- visit faraway friends (well..not TOO far away)
- cook some awesome and amazing food.
- spend some time getting better at IBS (ha ha)
- work on support raising for this summer
- exercise
- get caught up on school work
- go sharing by myself instead of going with others.

***

speaking of sharing. Camille (the girl i disciple) and i went sharing today. we approached these two girls who were SO welcoming! i've never had an experience where students at U of T were SO willing to talk right off the bat. The first words out of the one girl's mouth was, "SURE! we were actually JUST talking about how one of our friends converted to Judaism from Christianity."

good times.

***

Camille led my DG for the first time today. It was cute. she was nervous..but just so cute! ^_^ i love watching as faith barriers are overcome!

***

also had a fun time meeting up with Warren today--was like the old days when we'd meet up every thursday and go for lunch. thanks warren! pri joined us in the ryerson C4C office, we prayed for a tiny bit and then chatted for a bit. it was just what i needed. MUCHLY relaxing...DEFINITELY more so than reading blogs and msn'ing.

***
Oh, and i forgot to write about this funny tidbit..until i read shelly's blog.
As i was walking outside today, there was this couple..and this guy put something into his girlfriend's mouth..and then proceeded to kiss her and suck it out of her mouth into his. DISGUSTING. like what the heck?? at any rate, i actually verbalized my thoughts...but a bit too loud, because they stopped and looked at me.go lydia!
yeah thats right. i don't want no PDA in my face man. thats disgusting. go get a room or something. better yet, stop sharing food like that. its gross. its not cute. its not adorable. its disgusting and vile and i hope that i never see something like that again. ugh. especially watching the food ooze out in that gap between their lips. NAST i tell you NAST!
***
on a happier note...
yesterday, my blog made it to
25 000

hits (and almost 40,000 page views). i know its not a lot compared to the famous..but its a lot for me! yay blog! teehee. i feel so popular. who reads this? if you read this you should comment. because i say so! ^_^

love this! most of them are asian too! a definite feat.

(ignore the sketch music)

***

rice+black bean sauce+ hoisin sauce+ teriyaki sauce+ sweet peas, mangoes, pineapple, green,yellow and red peppers, water chestnuts and beansprouts= remedy for a day-long headache.

***


haha i love the white guy. he's hilarious.

insanity. go here.

oh man, ADD central!! been watching hip hop videos instead of doing the work i should be doing!!

haven't been a part of a hip hop team since grade 12..but suddenly i have this huge urge to find myself a dance team to be a part of. maybe this summer. there must be a christian hip hop team somewhere in Toronto. would be super fun. anyone want to join me in my quest?

okay ENOUGH daydreaming lydia! time to get back to it!

***

Today, i acquired the Curious George soundtrack--LOVE IT! and In Between Dreams by Jack Johnson (used a giftcard i was given for Christmas)... love the new sounds.

Does anyone listen to Belle and Sebastian? I haven't heard any of their stuff really..but i have a sneaking suspicion that i would like them--thoughts? opinions? does anyone have a CD i could borrow to listen to? i wouldn't teef it (see previous post)...i just want to see if they're pleasant to my ears..which i could figure out in one listen. let me know.

i love love love love love love ballet on saturdays.

man oh man. YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE EVEN BETTER??

a ballet class done to jack johnson...kinda contemporary jazz ballet with a modern flair. oh man that would be sweet like nougat.

some day.

***

on a different note, i wanted to talk about something that i've been thinking about for a long time now--i've been having discussions about it with over 10 people, so i figure its nice and controversial and will make for a good post. hopefully y'all will have something to comment!! :)

As Christians, what should our stance be on "sharing/downloading" music illegally--i.e. not paying for it. The Christian community is pretty divided. On one hand, most of my musically inclined friends i.e friends who are pretty into music, whether it be performance wise, or avid listeners (i include myself in this mix) are fairly adamant that "sharing" *cough*stealing*cough* is wrong--if you haven't paid for your music its stealing (unless its offered for free on the artist's website or through the free song of the week on itunes..you get the gist). i believe, that as Christians, we shouldn't buy what most of the world says about how its okay to "share" music--stealing is stealing. Regardless if someone who has bought the CD OFFERS to let you rip it off of them or you actively seek it.
Additionally, its not the big corporations like Virgin or Sony Records who ultimately lose out...its the artist. I know the general flow of thought is.."well, they're rich anyways...what is U2 going to lose out on if i download their music off of Kazaa"... but to me, thats like saying "i can steal a car from a millionaire's house because they're rich, they can buy another one without even a blink of an eye."
stealing is stealing. I mean come on, if you love an artist enough to download their music, then pay the $0.99 cents per song because you love their music. Sharing takes away the value of music and degrades it to nothing. Music is art..and art should be prized and valued. Artists make their living off of the music they create (albeit, not all "music" is art haha...but that's another subject altogether...)

On the other hand, there are the Christians who think its fine to share music--i can't really speak for this side, because i don't really see how its fair or right. i suppose it comes down to the question "is it actually stealing?" While I believe it is, i have many good, solid friends who disagree.

this debate, of course extends beyond the realm of religion, into the secular world, where it is just as much of a question that is posed, as the Christian world. in fact, i'd say a larger proportion of my non-Christian friends do not download music illegally...but that's also probably in part because a larger proportion of my non-Christian friends are super artsy and indie.
i simply have taken this debate and moved it into a Christian context, because i believe that we should be living our lives differently that the dictates and standards of the world--and thus should really be focussing on these questions in addition to theology and such.

Anyways, i'd love to hear your opinions. haha i'm not sure why i'm so adamant about this issue...maybe its because i'm surrounded by many talented artists who i would love to see make it big..and would be angered if people started stealing their music...or maybe its because i pay the $0.99 cents if i want a song badly...or maybe its empathy... because if i was a famous artist, i'd be pretty pissed off that people were degrading my art into worthless cacophony...maybe its a combination of both. at anyrate...go now and comment! Type away children, type away!

WOW, auntie Catherine just called me...and get this!!

last week after i gave people in the congregation an opportunity to pray to receive Christ (i was on worship team) apparently one guy from our congregation made the decision to receive Christ!! How AWESOME is that! Especially since i didn't really expect anyone to respond! AMAZING ^_^ Its great that He uses our words, even when they're just random ramblings to touch the hearts and lives of others. huzzah.

an unknown fact about lydia

its funny...even after almost 3 years since the day i graduated, i still think about some of my unmaterialized dreams. namely that of becoming a cheerleader. having gone to what is arguably the best high school in alberta for cheerleading (our co-ed cheer team wins the provincial championships almost every year...we won again last week!! woot.) i still sometimes wish i had had the guts to try out in high school.

alas, i did not. probably a good thing. if i had made it, cheerleading would have become my life and i would be a bit of a floozy (albeit an athletic and good looking one!) on the edmonton eskimos cheer team where most of the Victoria cheer team ends up...instead of being at u of t and being used to impact eternity. ha.

still. sometimes i wish i had tried out and made the cut. probably just to say i made it. LOL. ah well... i probably wouldn't still wear bright yellow shoes if i had become a cheerleader, so all's well that ends well.

self-evalutation pt. 2

so it is a friday night, and i'm home again with no plans. As it is most friday/saturday nights when i do not need to be at church. this isn't meant to be some sort of self-pity blog, but i suppose it can be read as such. i don't enjoy hanging out on a friday night with people that i COULD POTENTIALLY be good friends with, but am currently not..since i don't know them well enough. it saps my energy and leaves me feeling tired to hang out with acquaintances or even semi-friends. Which is rather tautological because in order for me to become good friends with people, there needs to be time spent with them. BUt i don't want to spend time with people i'm not good friends with because it makes me tired. and i just don't feel like being tired on a friday night.

So how do i become good friends with people? Well, i hang out with them in groups first, so that there are buffers around to kinda pad the situation, preventing the onus falling on me to make small-talk and the rather meaningless chit-chat that is required in order to move past the acquaintances stage to the friendship stage. THEN, once all that is over, its safe to say that i'd enjoy hanging around people that i've gotten to know.

All this to say, tonight is a lonely friday because i don't feel up to being "social butterfly" lydia. i miss having friends that i can just sit in the silence with. i don't want small talk. i just want to BE with close friends and enjoy time together. Alas, no one lives near me, especially not my best friends and i am at a loss for who i could call up and say, "hey do you want to hang out tonight?" Maybe its because i know that even if i did call people up, they would not want to hang out with me because i live downtown...or just simply because.

either way, i suppose it just gives me more time to spend doing readings.

okay. i am in a SERIOUS SERIOUS love affair with Jack Johnson.

well at least a musical love affair, wherein which i swoon at his beautiful melodies. SO good to the ears.

spoke at york today...i think it went well. hope it spoke some truth into the lives of some of the students there. they are a bunch of cool cats. they tittered because i say the word "y'all". pfft. they're just jealous.

***

Does chivalry still exist? ya know, where guys know what side of the road to stand on (the outer edge), or know how to open doors for girls, or pull out their chair before they sit down and such (well...i know that i've trained warren g. well, so its not completely dead!! ^_^)..but is it a high expectation to expect those things from a guy? not like i have any guys pursuing me or anything...i don't. but if i did, would that be too high of an expectation?

ah well, i don't think so. without chivalry no guy will make my cut. haha, maybe thats why i have no guys pursuing me?

tis okay. i looove being single. serious.

fyi, for the guys out there: even if you're not pursuing anyone its still worthy to learn chivalry and social etiquette towards members of the opposite sex. makes you look like a wonderful prince to the gals! hehe.

and now on a less serious note...i hereby present you with Lydia's birthday wishlist. provided a little under 5 months in advance of her 20th birthday.



a VESPA LX..purple please!!



a pet potbelly pig! one just like the picture please!!



of course, if you're feeling particularly generous..i wouldn't mind a Lexus IS 250/300/350...any of the 3 cars would be pretty sweet :)

but finally...you could REALLY win my heart if you got me....



A Mini Cooper (S or not...preferably S), standard please, in the black eye purple metallic with a leather interior.

[edit: okay, technically i really only want the pet pig and the vespa..haha i mean how cool and fun would it be to ride around with a purple vespa and a matching purple helment, with a pet pig in the basket. SO FUN. although riding around with a pet pig in a mini cooper would also be just as fun ^_^ understand this-- the pet pig is the common denominator here. hehe]

haha dreams are kinda fun sometimes :)

every so often, i take some time out of my life to evaluate myself and i am finding that today is a particularly good day to do so. i've been meaning to for awhile, but haven't felt up to it--evaluating oneself and being truly honest (or attempting to be) is rather daunting, because eventually you know that you'll find the ugly things hidden in the corners of the heart. This, for me, is like a round of spring cleaning..old treasures are found, but many many cobwebs and dustballs are found, making it rather embarassing that you live in a house of dirt. Of course, by the end of the cleaning, meaningless or poisonous things can be discarded, broken things can be mended, and old treasures can be put back on the mantlepiece. Thus begins the spring cleaning of my heart.

i have a dog. a pug to be exact. my pug loves to eat. in fact, most, if not all pugs i know love to eat. my pug,if we let her, would gobble up her food in less than 10 seconds... and often whines because she wants more. when we aren't looking, she'll sneak over to our other dog's food dish and eat his food as well. my dog will eat...and eat....and eat, without restraint until she gets sick. i'd be willing to wager that she'd even try eating her vomit AFTER being sick--thats how much she loves to eat, and thats also a testament to how well she knows her limits (which is...not at all).

Admittedly, like calls to like, deep to deep, and i am not unlike my dog. Self-control is difficult for me, namely because i don't know my limits. This of course isn't in relation to food (the days of the supernatural ability to eat 19 cheeseburgers or 40 nuggets are but a distant memory) but is rather a reference to my inability to distinguish my limits in the things that i do. its rather prideful to say that i often think of myself as superwoman--perhaps not consciously, but unconsciously so. the thought process in the mind of lydia low often goes like so: "if the average person can do x-amount of hours, then i should be able to do at least twice that, because i am not your average person." when no one steps up to do something, i will step up to the plate, because after all, "i can do more than you can!" This is, however, a verity..it is based on fact and truth, and is not just a wistful idea--i CAN do more than most people. i have a higher capacity to perform different tasks. when i take on a task, i not only do it, but i am determined to do it well. This in itself, i don't think is a bad characteristic. The problem is, that i don't realize i've taken on too much until i've reached the breaking point. to put it succinctly, i don't realize i've taken on too much until i vomit. And EVEN after i've vomitted, i'm still willing to eat my own vomit. while i often admire people in ministry and outside of ministry who are able to say "no, i just can't do this, if i do, i'll struggle to find the time to do it well." i also scoff at them (without even realizing it) and think to myself "its just ONE extra thing, how hard can it possibly be?" As a result, i set up impossible standards for others to meet, and difficult standards for myself to reach.

Time, in Lydia's world doesn't slow down. If anything, it only speeds up as more and more things get piled on to the plate. Of course, lately God has forced me to rest--physically for the past couple of weeks, i haven't been feeling up to par (haha, as evidenced by my coughing up blood) and its as though God said, "okay Lydia, if you won't slow down..i will FORCE you to slow down." But when i do slow down, i find that i'm constantly thinking about what i will do come the day i am no longer invalid. i don't feel worthy or productive unless i am doing something. This is, of course, my go-getter attitude speaking. when there exists a lack of things to do, i feel as though i'm twiddling my thumbs and i think to myself, "what am i doing resting? There are things that could be done!"
So, it has been established. i am a prideful person. i am well acquainted with the Word, and what it says about toiling in vain. Alas, i struggle to put this head knowledge into practice.

often seen as an extrovert, i realize more and more that i am really no real extrovert--in fact, the people i love spending time with most are people who can talk my ear off, a la Sara Whitfield. i love being able to listen to people and remain silent. i find that people often make me tired, and i need great lengths of alone time to recuperate. At the same time, i love people. sometimes, i find myself striving to be a popular person--the need for acceptance and love is a weakness of mine. The funny thing is, i'm not really a popular person--i never have been. And i don't like to conform to others--even though i end up doing so anyways. A claim-to-be non-conformist who actually conforms is what i once called my friend Josh. Turns out, i am that way too. no escaping it.

i find it difficult at times to get the words i want to say out of my mouth. things i am most passionate about, words of genuine encouragement i want to give to people often remain in my mouth. i am a fraudulent encourager--what do i mean by that? encouragement is pretty easy for me to dish out..but when its something that really has struck me about someone and when its beauty knocks the air out of my lungs, i find it extremely difficult to tell the person that what they've done is beautiful. instead, whenever it TRULY matters, the encouragement stays hidden. i don't say anything.

i am a emotional while concurrently a non-emotional person. i don't have difficulty crying. in fact, i cry all the time. but just like i have difficulty giving encouragement when i REALLY desire to, i have difficulty expressing the things i want to say that are really important to me. often times there are people i admire, people i love for taking the time to challenge me and care for me, but i have difficulty telling them a simple thank-you. the words "i love you" are difficult words for me to voice when i desperately want to voice them. maybe because i'm afraid of seeming sappy. or maybe its because its just so un-chinese. i'm not sure.

i cover up what i really feel with a beaming smile and a go-getter attitude, and so when i'm with a huge group of people, i can seem like that extrovert..but really, i'm just using anything i can to diverge the attention off of my real problems or feelings.

despite all of this crazy behaviour, despite giving up ownership of my life being a hard thing, the life i live is a good one, because the inadequacies i do have are taken care of by the resurrected Jesus who lives in me. While i often forget this, and attempt to live life on my own strength, the crowning glory of my mantlepiece is Jesus Christ, who has time and time again forgiven me for my shortcomings, and has graciously provided me with people who love me, despite my prickliness and depressive nature. alone, i truly am nothing. a hollow, empty shell. i often lack faith and the trajectory of my prayers is quite small. but this God i serve knows all these things and is still willing to work in my life regardless. thats a pretty sweet deal.

so yeah. woke up this morning, with the taste of blood in my mouth. and from then on, everytime i coughed there was blood in my phlegm.

probably not such a good sign eh? haha. oy.

time to go see a doctor.

Okay seriously, WHAT IS WITH THE ELDERLY AND THEIR NEED TO FEED THE BIRDS??

pigeons are dirty and disgusting diseased creatures!! So why do the elderly always sit down on park benches and scatter bread crumbs all over the place, ENCOURAGING pigeons to return and infest the area!! i mean, come on! get a dog or something! visit a pet store and cuddle with the kittens and puppies.

sometimes, i feel like lobbing a pigeon...just walking up to it and giving it a good kick and watch it go. of course i never do that. those things are monstrous, and for all i know, the whole gang would come and attack me--it could be a sequel to THE BIRDS by Alfred Hitchcock.

all i know is this: when i'm old, if you catch me sitting at a park bench feeding the birds, wack me across the head and tell me to find something better to do with myself, like feeding the homeless. YES think about all the bread that is wasted on the stupid, ugly, fat birds!! [For those of you who do not live in Toronto, you may not understand this concept..but honestly the pigeons here are FAT and don't give two hoots about people walking by them. All they do is eat the food given to them and waddle around pooping on people's heads.]
***

In other news, i have much to say about "Christianese" and "john piper-ese" but i must formulate my thoughts on these things before i say anything rash and have a conglomerate of johnny pip fans hatin on me. Check back for it. i think there will be some profound thoughts. haha, much needed on this blog, since there hasn't been much other than griping about my flu and such. Soon. very soon.


(i'm currently sad. sigur ros is coming to Toronto may 13th, and i won't even be here. i always miss the cool shenanigans that happen in the summer.)

i am thankful for...

- very comfortable sweatpants that i've worn 3 days in a row. tomorrow i'll make it 4.
- a very comfortable reading chair.
- that all this coughing will cause me to have very strong abs once this cold/flu is over.
- jack johnson, death cab for cutie, iron and wine, norah jones and other melodies.
- neocitron which has put me to sleep like a lullaby for the past 3 nights in a row when i couldn't fall asleep otherwise
- mum and dad who pray for me
- other friends who pray (this reluctantly includes those who distract me from my studying to tell me they bought a john piper book that was on sale)
- vicks vaporub
- auntie catherine's very soft and thick kleenex that i still have
- halls cough drops
- the yellow staedtler fineliner i have been using to mark up my textbook.

yes. these are very nice things indeed.