Low on the Go!

Lydia's two cents on dating a.k.a. GO BIG OR GO HOME (adam's suggestion) a.k.a. Lydia's standards for dating (wish me luck, apparently i'm going to need it.)

Okay, so i am going to blog about dating. Not that i know all that much about it. There's theories that bounce around in my head, but i've never actually put these theories into practice, so who knows? But since some of my best friends are in relationships (some that i heartily approve of, and some that i can't say i give my wholehearted approval) its been on my mind. As well, Christmas is here, i'll be going home soon, and one of the first questions thats always asked is "so lydia...found yourself a guy yet?" and the answer is always no. But this year its a different sort of no.. its a "no i haven't found a guy yet, and no, i am not looking for one."

At any rate, i digress... i think sometimes dating (as in a committed relationship) is on everyone's mind TOO much. When will i find someone? Will i ever get married?yaddi yadda. And other times, i don't think we think about how it practically plays out. Us girls turn relationships into some sort of fantasy world in our daydreams and are disappointed when relationships don't end up to be that utopian ideal that we all hope and long for. We place unfair standards on guys in our daydreams and make them into people they really aren't. Concurrently, we often don't set our standards high enough, and just jump into anything that comes our way so that we won't feel lonely and unloved.

man, dating has GOT to be overrated. although with my friends in healthy relationships..it seems pretty lovely. who knows?

non-negotiables
here are some of my non-negotiables. Some of them are only pertinent to me...others i believe should be pertinent to all Christians.

if i ever end up in a relationship the guy i am with:

1. MUST LOVE THE LORD WITH ALL THEIR HEART, SOUL and MIND.
This is a definite non-negotiable. i don't want to be with someone who doesn't love the Lord. As i've said before, if you don't love the Lord, you can't possibly know what real love is, because Christ is the epitome of true love. There is much to be said about the change that occurs when one is indwelt and filled with the Holy Spirit.

Additionally, i believe that the bible makes this clear in 2 Corinthians 6:14--
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
I used to think that the reason why, as a Christian, i should not be in a committed releationship with/get married to a non-Christian was for my benefit..so that i would not stumble. And while this is true, i believe there is another reason.

In Deuteronomy 22:10 it states "You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together." This law prohibited the yoking together of a donkey and an ox for plowing. This was done for the benefit of the donkey, who lacked the strength to work together with the more powerful ox and whose health would be damaged by working with the larger animal. In the same way, as Christians, we could be seen as the powerful ox, the non-Christian as the poor donkey getting pulled by this Ox. It is dangerous, i believe, and even perhaps selfish to drag this poor donkey along.

If we, as Christians, prize God before all else, and claim to love God with all our hearts, souls and minds..then how can we be in a committed relationship and have real purpose in that relationship, without Christ being the centre? What is the purpose of a relationship? Any relationship, whether platonic or a committed boy-girl relationship, MUST be rooted in Christ's love and MUST serve to glorify God. Anything else is folly and vanity.

2. MUST HAVE A HEART FOR THE LOST and DESIRE TO DO FULL TIME MINISTRY
For a long time now, i've known that full time ministry is what i want to end up doing. However, i KNOW that i have a heart for the lost and i desire to do missions work. Where? God hasn't told me that yet. But all in his time. At any rate, it would be pointless to date/marry someone who isn't interested in serving alongside on the mission field. I'm pragmatic, and hardly desire to date just for fun. Call me conservative, call me just plain weird. But i think that if i'm running the race, i don't want to dabble here and there on the sidelines, trying to get someone to run with me. nope. no can do. i'm going to run the race, and look beside me and see who's running in the same direction. And, if no one is..then i'll keep on running. With or without a significant other. I would rather be single and have full joy in my heart knowing that i'm pressing onwards towards the goal to win the prize for which we have been called heavenwards in Christ Jesus than be in a relationship and KNOW that i wasn't paying attention to HIS call above all else.

How often girls (and guys) give up their dreams and their loves for someone else, and settle for less. i believe the highest call is to be His servant and to give Him our all. as my good friend John Piper says, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him"
why give up the One who created love in pursuit of love? no way man. i'm going to pursue Him, and maybe someone who is pursuing Him in the same way will come along and we'll help each other pursue our Abba. if not..hey, i'm cool where i am.

3. MUST BE A STRONG LEADER WHO TAKES INITIATIVE
Those of y'all that know me, KNOW that i am one stubborn girl. No denying it. Not only that, its in my blood to step up and lead. And thus, for myself, i KNOW that i need a guy who holds onto the reins tightly and who will take initiative and lead. i know i can't be with someone who only steps up when its ABSOLUTELY necessary...i would walk all over him.
it is my desire to be able to submit to my future spouse (if i get married) and KNOW that he will love me and take care of me and take the initiative on things. i want a valiant prince! ^_^ i love the picture of Rebekah, who went around doing her daily chores.. and Isaac (well i suppose the servant and Abraham..haha) took the initiative. it is SO easy, in this modern world for women to take the initiative, hold the power in relationships and control everything...but i truly believe that this is not the way it should go. i believe there is a reason God made man first. And i believe firmly in the roles God has given men and women. call me conservative, call me wacko..but yeah thats what i believe.

4. MUST BE APPROVED BY MY PARENTS
For me, this is a definite must! in fact, ideally before a guy formally asked me to be in a relationship, i would want him to ask my parents first! haha. I believe that my parents raised me in a God-fearing home and were the ones who introduced me to Christ. Sometimes, they know me better than i know myself. I would want a guy who would love my parents as much as i do..and who would honour and respect them. yup yup.

At any rate, there's more, i have a list....but this is already really long so i'm gonna cut it short. if you've made it this far..props to you ^_^. Cheers!