living the spirit-filled life and discipleship.
I tried to avoid God for a couple of days. Spiritual apathy doesn't last for long before one becomes depressed and tired at trying to do life on one's own. Thursday, I was talking to a friend about my apathy towards support raising, life and God.
"Even during this time of spiritual apathy, God has continued to bless me. Supporters are coming on board and everything. I wish He'd punish me, by taking these things away. At least then I'd be motivated to do what I need to do."
"Lydia, your support coming in isn't based on works. It's not as though if you spend more time with God, you'll see more support come in. It just doesn't work that way. We don't earn God's love."
I think this was something that really impacted me. For the longest time, I've been jealous at seeing many of my friends have 20 appointments a week. I've said to myself, "If you work harder, you'd be seeing more support come in. God would love you more."
The truth remains, however, that God loves me, because of the finished work on the cross...not because of what I have done for myself. How freeing.
Last night was the last straw. I felt like I could avoid God no longer. So I stopped. Revolutionary!
As I was sitting down, I started talking to multiple friends. Each of them asked me for advice in some way. At that moment, I realized that in a way, I was discipling each of these people, and it felt right. It gave me a renewed vision for what God has called me to do on campus. I am SO excited to be able to work with university students, teaching Biblical principles that will also revolutionize their lives.
I woke up this morning and realized that I had not only NOT been running the race, but I had been moving backwards, practically disqualifying myself! So I prayed for discipline and for the Spirit to fill me with Himself. How great! There was SO much more energy to exercise, to get things done, to make phone calls, write letters etc. Living the Spirit-filled life, free from attempting to perform for God is fantastic. I don't know why I so often forget this. How I am prone to wander!
Anyways, things are getting back on track, and I'm pretty much loving it.
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4 commentaires:
i was at krt (kennedy road tabernacle) once and heard the pastor say three words that has impacted me a lot...
Discipline overcomes discouragement.
isa. 40:31
Hey Lydia....
I've been going through the exact same thing. Glad to hear you're back on track with things. It's way too easy to fall away. Sometimes you completely forget what it's even like to be a Christian. For me that's the most tempting when things get busy (so like, that means my whole life??) I agree (from your previous entry), that lack of accountability makes in increasingly difficult. It's pretty isolated here in Ottawa with everyone gone on projects still. Hmmmm.... I'm definitely in need of some good accountability.
thank you for sharing this.
let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee...
mel :)
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