Low on the Go!

update.

I have few meaningful things to say. Perhaps this is why my blogging has been on the decline (both in quality and quantity), and why my readership has sunk from an average of 80 hits a day to about 27 hits a day. Oh, you twenty-seven people, how faithful you are!

Things are a bit dry, I'm not going to lie. It's one of those periods in life where I don't feel like reading the Bible, don't feel like praying and don't feel like challenging myself. It's not a depressive period, just a listless period. I think I need to start having dates with God again, because sitting in my chair, I am prone to falling asleep. Though I know I should fear what could happen if this trend continues, I feel as though my heart is rather calloused. Little sins pervade my life, and though consequential, I often feel as though they are inconsequential. Instead of keeping a short account of my sins, they grow long, not because I am unwilling to yield, or because guilt keeps me from coming to the cross...but because I am lazy and do not want to take the time to pray.

It's a shame, because during this time of support raising (ministry partner development;MPD), I know that it is crucial that my eyes stay focused on the cross. I'm looking forward to Thursday. Some of us new staff are meeting up in the morning to pray. It'll be good to take my eyes off of myself and direct them heavenwards. I think I might also take the afternoon to head to the Beaches or to Queen Street and have a date with God.

While I'm looking forward to Thursday morning, I'm also dreading it. I feel as though my whole life revolves around MPD. Everytime I talk to someone, campus staff or not, it's always "How's support going?" I know it's well-intentioned and that people want to know so that they can be praying for me. At the same time, it's tiring. I want to stop thinking in percentages and goals. I don't want the first question people ask to be "How's support going?" I want it to go back to the days in university when the first thing someone would ask was, "How's is going spiritually?"

This summer, I feel as though I've lost a lot of that accountability I had throughout the school year. It's the first summer since high school where I haven't been discipled by anyone. Sure, I get the call once a week from my support coach (who is wonderful and delightful), but it's just not the same. My best friends are all far away, and even people who aren't far feel far.

Not all is dreary though. During this time of support raising, I've found myself losing weight, contrary to what I presumed would happen. I assumed that because I'm constantly meeting up with people and eating with them, that I would gain weight. But, I suppose it makes sense. Generally, I eat one meal a day with someone I have an appointment with, go out for coffee with someone else. I don't keep my fridge stocked (au courant, it holds half a stick of cheese, fat free yogurt and 3 sesame seed bagels) because I know I'll be out to eat. This means, I have about one meal a day, and yogurt for breakfast. I'm grateful. Support raising hasn't treated everyone's bodies this well.

Also, I've found myself really and thoroughly enjoying the company of people from my church. It's been a great time of getting to know some of them more, and it's wonderfully satisfying. I enjoy hearing about their lives, and remarkably, even though I haven't been in a praying "mood" (let's call it rebellion), I find myself praying for them randomly throughout the day. I've seen people open up more, and I'm really enjoying their company. We make each other laugh and we talk about life. It's good times.

So, that's my update. It's not as exciting as usual, and there are no thoughts for you, the reader, to glean from, but here it is anyways.