Low on the Go!

the past year.

It seems so cliche to say, but is it already 2009? How can this be? It feels as though i just blinked a Barbara Eden-sized blink and 2009 arrived magically upon my doorstep. Last year, as we ushered in the new year, i was up on stage singing 'mighty to save'. This year, i stood hidden in the back, still singing 'mighty to save'. And really, as i stood praising Him last night, i realized that the only reason why i am still alive, a year later, is because He is mighty to save.

In four days, it will be a year since i wrote this post. Over a year of clinging desperately, holding to a God that i know is there, but have not felt. Over a year of tears each day, loneliness and depression. Over a year of waking up each day and wondering, 'Why'?

Would i trade it? Had i the opportunity, would i bid goodbye to this walk with depression? The truth is, i don't know. Because in the hard times, the darkest times, i have learned so much about what it means to walk by faith. When i don't feel, when i can't see--these are the times that i learn to trust; and without darkness, without canyons to leap over and barriers to overcome, maybe faith isn't really all that real and trust not all that trusting. And maybe when you're so tired that you can't cling anymore, you realize that all along, He has been the one clinging to you.

2008 has been a year of breaking and brokenness. So many things have been stripped away from me. Other things have been given over, as a sacrifice, hoping in the better things to come. And as we ushered in a new year, singing "Mighty to save", i heard a small quiet voice--a voice i have not heard in over a year--saying, "I have conquered the grave. I will conquer your sickness too."

Maybe 2009 will be a year of healing. i don't really know. But i do know that He is mighty to save. And maybe for today, just knowing that will be enough. Perhaps for tomorrow, just knowing that will be enough. Soon enough, days turn into weeks, and weeks into months, and months into years. Perhaps that is really what a life of faith is. Trusting that during silence and the speaking, He is here and at work, conquering death.

So, here's to 2009. Another year of following Jesus and another year of being delivered from the Valley of Achor.