Low on the Go!

Matthew 20:28

This morning, i had a really sad moment when something was said to me that really hurt. At first, i tried to ignore it, but soon i became angry; then all i felt was really sad.

The line was almost verbatim: "Students probably wouldn't want to come if you came, because you're on staff." This, in light of Wednesday's post left me feeling deflated.

i had a moment where i just sat and cried and talked to Jesus. In that moment, he whispered to my heart, "I see you serve. All the small things you do don't go unnoticed by me. In fact, they were given to you by me. These are the good things I prepared in advance for you to walk in them."

It occurred to me during Winter Conference that being in ministry is a pretty thankless job. Sam and i spent a good 20 minutes rolling up this huge piece of deflated plastic from a human foosball rental. Who knew that when you signed up for ministry, you, the one who skipped a grade and graduated with an honours degree, would spend a chunk of time on your hands and knees, rolling up huge pieces of plastic, dirtied from sweat and what not, at 3am in the morning? There's no thanks for those sorts of things--the things that need to be done, but are invisible things that are done when no one else is watching. And ministry is full of those things.

There's no thanks, but sometimes (...often...) anger, when you have to deroot sin in someone's life, no thanks for the countless times you stay up late praying for the people you work with, and no thanks for the times you spend crying when people ask you (read: tell you), "Are you really my friend? Do you really care? Or are you just using me?"

But today, (yes, i am well aware that i started my sentence with a conjunction) as i was having my little pity party, i realized that it isn't unconditional love if i serve and expect gratitude and friendship in return. If i serve just so that i can be bolstered up and commended, then i am indeed "using" my role in ministry and the people that i serve.

That's what makes Jesus so amazing. The King of this world could have used us like pawns. He could have demanded to be first, demanded our affections, demanded our praise. He could have struck down every mocker, every scoffer. And yet, Jesus incarnate did the opposite; He did not turn His face from the spit of His subordinates. Instead, He came to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many.

i didn't join staff or go into full-time ministry to receive the praise of man, and even if i desire it, i'm hardly deserving of it.

i need to keep this in front of me daily.

i am in full-time ministry to serve my Christ. To serve the One who was the best model of how i ought to be, and who loves me, despite, and inspite of, the countless times i have spit in his face. The One who never gives up on me, even on the days when i don't feel like being with Him, simply because He is God.

The thankless things, with which ministry is rife, aren't just things to endure; they are actually good works, which Christ prepared beforehand, that i should walk in them. And i don't ever walk in them alone. He is with me until the very end of the age.

Today, the day didn't start off so well, but it's ended off pretty good with me walking hand in hand with Mr. Jesus.