happy birthday to me!!!
haha, okay, so fooled you. My birthday isn't for another 2 months. BUT, today, I had a BRILL idea, and I totally know what I want to do when that day comes!
Ever heard of a subway/metro party? Basically everyone meets at a designated station, at a designated time and hops on the last car of the subway/metro train, and then they proceed to have a party in it!!!
NOW, to add even MORE fabulousness, it's going to be a metro IPOD/MP3/DISCMAN party. Beforehand, everyone will download the same play list. We'll all jump into the metro car, put in our earphones and start dancing to the same music!!!
AHHH SO FUN.
What a great birthday party, that would be!!!
jeudi, juin 28, 2007
mercredi, juin 27, 2007
boredom.
My blogs have been fewer and farther between. There used to be lots of things running around my head, waiting to spill out, but nowadays there is little. Most days, I feel like I've lost the ability to write; anything that comes out seems to be drivel. Lacklustre.
I wish I had exciting stories, but the past while has been uneventful. Life speeds by, and I often wonder where it has gone. I leave Toronto in just under three weeks, and it's hard to believe that I'll have to say goodbye to the place that has become home.
Sorry for the monotonous, uninspiring and jejune blog that this proved to be. Maybe sometime between now and the next blog, something exciting will happen. Maybe not.
My blogs have been fewer and farther between. There used to be lots of things running around my head, waiting to spill out, but nowadays there is little. Most days, I feel like I've lost the ability to write; anything that comes out seems to be drivel. Lacklustre.
I wish I had exciting stories, but the past while has been uneventful. Life speeds by, and I often wonder where it has gone. I leave Toronto in just under three weeks, and it's hard to believe that I'll have to say goodbye to the place that has become home.
Sorry for the monotonous, uninspiring and jejune blog that this proved to be. Maybe sometime between now and the next blog, something exciting will happen. Maybe not.
jeudi, juin 21, 2007
fear.
But Moses said to the LORD, "Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue." Then the LORD said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak."
Exodus 4:10-12
For the past couple of days, I have been filled with fear. For some reason, picking up the phone, which hadn't really phased me throughout this first month of support raising, caused me a great deal of fear. Today, I was making phone calls to referrals--people I have never met-- and when talking to my first call, I could literally HEAR my voice shaking. After that phone call, where the person told me they weren't interested, I sat down feeling rather sick to my stomach.
In my head, Exodus 4:10-12, one of my favourite passages kept repeating itself. After awhile, I really heard God say to me (I know, "God spoke to me" and "I heard God tell me", always sound a bit cliche), "Lydia, you prayed specifically for a car to use for two days, so that you could visit these referrals. Did i grant you this?"
"Yes, Lord, you did."
"Then why do you not believe that I hear your prayers, and will answer?"
"..."
Many days, I feel like Moses. I am so inadequate, and so slow of speech and tongue. Other days, I am like the people to whom Moses worried about speaking. Moses knew they would be unbelieving that the LORD actually appeared to Moses.
Every day, I am both Moses and the unbelieving Israelites. I must pray like the father in Mark 9, who cries out, "I believe; help my unbelief!"
From my journal,
I sat there with the phone in my hands, and I was so fearful! I don't know why, I simply was! Now, I am sitting here, Lord, and wondering why I am so nervous. I am abashed by my little faith. Have you not provided before? Are you not God? Have you not already, (since the beginning of time, actually), had a plan for my life? Do you not already know the team of supporters who will come alongside me? Have you not already raised up this team? Yes! You HAVE! Forgive me for my doubting, Lord! I believe! Help my unbelief!
But Moses said to the LORD, "Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue." Then the LORD said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak."
Exodus 4:10-12
For the past couple of days, I have been filled with fear. For some reason, picking up the phone, which hadn't really phased me throughout this first month of support raising, caused me a great deal of fear. Today, I was making phone calls to referrals--people I have never met-- and when talking to my first call, I could literally HEAR my voice shaking. After that phone call, where the person told me they weren't interested, I sat down feeling rather sick to my stomach.
In my head, Exodus 4:10-12, one of my favourite passages kept repeating itself. After awhile, I really heard God say to me (I know, "God spoke to me" and "I heard God tell me", always sound a bit cliche), "Lydia, you prayed specifically for a car to use for two days, so that you could visit these referrals. Did i grant you this?"
"Yes, Lord, you did."
"Then why do you not believe that I hear your prayers, and will answer?"
"..."
Many days, I feel like Moses. I am so inadequate, and so slow of speech and tongue. Other days, I am like the people to whom Moses worried about speaking. Moses knew they would be unbelieving that the LORD actually appeared to Moses.
Every day, I am both Moses and the unbelieving Israelites. I must pray like the father in Mark 9, who cries out, "I believe; help my unbelief!"
From my journal,
I sat there with the phone in my hands, and I was so fearful! I don't know why, I simply was! Now, I am sitting here, Lord, and wondering why I am so nervous. I am abashed by my little faith. Have you not provided before? Are you not God? Have you not already, (since the beginning of time, actually), had a plan for my life? Do you not already know the team of supporters who will come alongside me? Have you not already raised up this team? Yes! You HAVE! Forgive me for my doubting, Lord! I believe! Help my unbelief!
mercredi, juin 20, 2007
From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher
From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.
From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified)
From all that dims Thy Calvary
O Lamb of God, deliver me.
Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire;
Let me not sink to be a clod;
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.
~Amy Wilson Carmichael
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher
From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.
From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified)
From all that dims Thy Calvary
O Lamb of God, deliver me.
Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire;
Let me not sink to be a clod;
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.
~Amy Wilson Carmichael
lundi, juin 18, 2007
mercredi, juin 13, 2007
Favourite people (or maybe just the shots...) of the week.
It's been awhile since I've posted pictures I've shot... I've been learning how to use an SLR camera; Ethan has been letting me use his 35mm film SLR, but it costs so much to process. My friend Frank, however, has been gracious in bringing his camera wherever we go, and lets me try my hand at a couple of shots. I'm still learning how to shoot people. What better subjects, than the people I have truly come to love this summer! I really want an SLR! Though I have a point and shoot digital, it just isn't the same as being able to adjust aperture, shutter speed etc, with a wonderful zoom lens. mmm...i love photog.
It's been awhile since I've posted pictures I've shot... I've been learning how to use an SLR camera; Ethan has been letting me use his 35mm film SLR, but it costs so much to process. My friend Frank, however, has been gracious in bringing his camera wherever we go, and lets me try my hand at a couple of shots. I'm still learning how to shoot people. What better subjects, than the people I have truly come to love this summer! I really want an SLR! Though I have a point and shoot digital, it just isn't the same as being able to adjust aperture, shutter speed etc, with a wonderful zoom lens. mmm...i love photog.
vendredi, juin 08, 2007
living the spirit-filled life and discipleship.
I tried to avoid God for a couple of days. Spiritual apathy doesn't last for long before one becomes depressed and tired at trying to do life on one's own. Thursday, I was talking to a friend about my apathy towards support raising, life and God.
"Even during this time of spiritual apathy, God has continued to bless me. Supporters are coming on board and everything. I wish He'd punish me, by taking these things away. At least then I'd be motivated to do what I need to do."
"Lydia, your support coming in isn't based on works. It's not as though if you spend more time with God, you'll see more support come in. It just doesn't work that way. We don't earn God's love."
I think this was something that really impacted me. For the longest time, I've been jealous at seeing many of my friends have 20 appointments a week. I've said to myself, "If you work harder, you'd be seeing more support come in. God would love you more."
The truth remains, however, that God loves me, because of the finished work on the cross...not because of what I have done for myself. How freeing.
Last night was the last straw. I felt like I could avoid God no longer. So I stopped. Revolutionary!
As I was sitting down, I started talking to multiple friends. Each of them asked me for advice in some way. At that moment, I realized that in a way, I was discipling each of these people, and it felt right. It gave me a renewed vision for what God has called me to do on campus. I am SO excited to be able to work with university students, teaching Biblical principles that will also revolutionize their lives.
I woke up this morning and realized that I had not only NOT been running the race, but I had been moving backwards, practically disqualifying myself! So I prayed for discipline and for the Spirit to fill me with Himself. How great! There was SO much more energy to exercise, to get things done, to make phone calls, write letters etc. Living the Spirit-filled life, free from attempting to perform for God is fantastic. I don't know why I so often forget this. How I am prone to wander!
Anyways, things are getting back on track, and I'm pretty much loving it.
I tried to avoid God for a couple of days. Spiritual apathy doesn't last for long before one becomes depressed and tired at trying to do life on one's own. Thursday, I was talking to a friend about my apathy towards support raising, life and God.
"Even during this time of spiritual apathy, God has continued to bless me. Supporters are coming on board and everything. I wish He'd punish me, by taking these things away. At least then I'd be motivated to do what I need to do."
"Lydia, your support coming in isn't based on works. It's not as though if you spend more time with God, you'll see more support come in. It just doesn't work that way. We don't earn God's love."
I think this was something that really impacted me. For the longest time, I've been jealous at seeing many of my friends have 20 appointments a week. I've said to myself, "If you work harder, you'd be seeing more support come in. God would love you more."
The truth remains, however, that God loves me, because of the finished work on the cross...not because of what I have done for myself. How freeing.
Last night was the last straw. I felt like I could avoid God no longer. So I stopped. Revolutionary!
As I was sitting down, I started talking to multiple friends. Each of them asked me for advice in some way. At that moment, I realized that in a way, I was discipling each of these people, and it felt right. It gave me a renewed vision for what God has called me to do on campus. I am SO excited to be able to work with university students, teaching Biblical principles that will also revolutionize their lives.
I woke up this morning and realized that I had not only NOT been running the race, but I had been moving backwards, practically disqualifying myself! So I prayed for discipline and for the Spirit to fill me with Himself. How great! There was SO much more energy to exercise, to get things done, to make phone calls, write letters etc. Living the Spirit-filled life, free from attempting to perform for God is fantastic. I don't know why I so often forget this. How I am prone to wander!
Anyways, things are getting back on track, and I'm pretty much loving it.
mardi, juin 05, 2007
update.
I have few meaningful things to say. Perhaps this is why my blogging has been on the decline (both in quality and quantity), and why my readership has sunk from an average of 80 hits a day to about 27 hits a day. Oh, you twenty-seven people, how faithful you are!
Things are a bit dry, I'm not going to lie. It's one of those periods in life where I don't feel like reading the Bible, don't feel like praying and don't feel like challenging myself. It's not a depressive period, just a listless period. I think I need to start having dates with God again, because sitting in my chair, I am prone to falling asleep. Though I know I should fear what could happen if this trend continues, I feel as though my heart is rather calloused. Little sins pervade my life, and though consequential, I often feel as though they are inconsequential. Instead of keeping a short account of my sins, they grow long, not because I am unwilling to yield, or because guilt keeps me from coming to the cross...but because I am lazy and do not want to take the time to pray.
It's a shame, because during this time of support raising (ministry partner development;MPD), I know that it is crucial that my eyes stay focused on the cross. I'm looking forward to Thursday. Some of us new staff are meeting up in the morning to pray. It'll be good to take my eyes off of myself and direct them heavenwards. I think I might also take the afternoon to head to the Beaches or to Queen Street and have a date with God.
While I'm looking forward to Thursday morning, I'm also dreading it. I feel as though my whole life revolves around MPD. Everytime I talk to someone, campus staff or not, it's always "How's support going?" I know it's well-intentioned and that people want to know so that they can be praying for me. At the same time, it's tiring. I want to stop thinking in percentages and goals. I don't want the first question people ask to be "How's support going?" I want it to go back to the days in university when the first thing someone would ask was, "How's is going spiritually?"
This summer, I feel as though I've lost a lot of that accountability I had throughout the school year. It's the first summer since high school where I haven't been discipled by anyone. Sure, I get the call once a week from my support coach (who is wonderful and delightful), but it's just not the same. My best friends are all far away, and even people who aren't far feel far.
Not all is dreary though. During this time of support raising, I've found myself losing weight, contrary to what I presumed would happen. I assumed that because I'm constantly meeting up with people and eating with them, that I would gain weight. But, I suppose it makes sense. Generally, I eat one meal a day with someone I have an appointment with, go out for coffee with someone else. I don't keep my fridge stocked (au courant, it holds half a stick of cheese, fat free yogurt and 3 sesame seed bagels) because I know I'll be out to eat. This means, I have about one meal a day, and yogurt for breakfast. I'm grateful. Support raising hasn't treated everyone's bodies this well.
Also, I've found myself really and thoroughly enjoying the company of people from my church. It's been a great time of getting to know some of them more, and it's wonderfully satisfying. I enjoy hearing about their lives, and remarkably, even though I haven't been in a praying "mood" (let's call it rebellion), I find myself praying for them randomly throughout the day. I've seen people open up more, and I'm really enjoying their company. We make each other laugh and we talk about life. It's good times.
So, that's my update. It's not as exciting as usual, and there are no thoughts for you, the reader, to glean from, but here it is anyways.
I have few meaningful things to say. Perhaps this is why my blogging has been on the decline (both in quality and quantity), and why my readership has sunk from an average of 80 hits a day to about 27 hits a day. Oh, you twenty-seven people, how faithful you are!
Things are a bit dry, I'm not going to lie. It's one of those periods in life where I don't feel like reading the Bible, don't feel like praying and don't feel like challenging myself. It's not a depressive period, just a listless period. I think I need to start having dates with God again, because sitting in my chair, I am prone to falling asleep. Though I know I should fear what could happen if this trend continues, I feel as though my heart is rather calloused. Little sins pervade my life, and though consequential, I often feel as though they are inconsequential. Instead of keeping a short account of my sins, they grow long, not because I am unwilling to yield, or because guilt keeps me from coming to the cross...but because I am lazy and do not want to take the time to pray.
It's a shame, because during this time of support raising (ministry partner development;MPD), I know that it is crucial that my eyes stay focused on the cross. I'm looking forward to Thursday. Some of us new staff are meeting up in the morning to pray. It'll be good to take my eyes off of myself and direct them heavenwards. I think I might also take the afternoon to head to the Beaches or to Queen Street and have a date with God.
While I'm looking forward to Thursday morning, I'm also dreading it. I feel as though my whole life revolves around MPD. Everytime I talk to someone, campus staff or not, it's always "How's support going?" I know it's well-intentioned and that people want to know so that they can be praying for me. At the same time, it's tiring. I want to stop thinking in percentages and goals. I don't want the first question people ask to be "How's support going?" I want it to go back to the days in university when the first thing someone would ask was, "How's is going spiritually?"
This summer, I feel as though I've lost a lot of that accountability I had throughout the school year. It's the first summer since high school where I haven't been discipled by anyone. Sure, I get the call once a week from my support coach (who is wonderful and delightful), but it's just not the same. My best friends are all far away, and even people who aren't far feel far.
Not all is dreary though. During this time of support raising, I've found myself losing weight, contrary to what I presumed would happen. I assumed that because I'm constantly meeting up with people and eating with them, that I would gain weight. But, I suppose it makes sense. Generally, I eat one meal a day with someone I have an appointment with, go out for coffee with someone else. I don't keep my fridge stocked (au courant, it holds half a stick of cheese, fat free yogurt and 3 sesame seed bagels) because I know I'll be out to eat. This means, I have about one meal a day, and yogurt for breakfast. I'm grateful. Support raising hasn't treated everyone's bodies this well.
Also, I've found myself really and thoroughly enjoying the company of people from my church. It's been a great time of getting to know some of them more, and it's wonderfully satisfying. I enjoy hearing about their lives, and remarkably, even though I haven't been in a praying "mood" (let's call it rebellion), I find myself praying for them randomly throughout the day. I've seen people open up more, and I'm really enjoying their company. We make each other laugh and we talk about life. It's good times.
So, that's my update. It's not as exciting as usual, and there are no thoughts for you, the reader, to glean from, but here it is anyways.
mercredi, mai 30, 2007
people.
I opened the cheque she gave me, and I cried. It was so over and beyond what I had expected. Later, when I met up with her, I began to thank her, but she cut me off.
"No, I am the one that needs to thank you. A long time ago, you told me that we not only needed to tithe our money, but our time. I noticed that you take notes every Sunday in a journal, so I started doing the same. Because of these two lessons you taught me, I am now more receptive to what God has to say to me. I am indebted to you."
***
"Do you want me to tell you the amount I am going to support you," he said after a round of mini golf.
"Sure."
"___/month"
I had to ask him if he was serious.
He looked me in the eyes, and said, "Yes."
I had to look away. I was scared I would start crying.
***
"I believe in what God is using you to do. I want to be a part of it."
***
"Even before you asked me to meet up with you, I had already been thinking about supporting you."
***
"I want to take you shopping sometime. I know that when you're support raising, things are tight, and as a girl, you see lots of pretty things, like makeup and swimsuits, and dresses..but you can't afford it, or feel as though you should be more cautious with your money. Let me take you out and get you some things for you to enjoy."
***
Support raising hasn't been easy. Many mornings and afternoons, I sit at home. On msn, other friends who are support raising, are in and out, because they have numerous appointments. As for me, I have few appointments. I know few people in Toronto. It is easy to be consumed with self-pity and self-doubt.
But each evening, I meet up with people, and I come home humbled. I am the most prideful, most arrogant person you will ever meet. Yet, people still shower their love on me. It isn't their finances that I am thankful for (although I am thankful for their financial support)... It's their faith in God to use a sinner like me, small and inadequate, to bring the gospel to university students. I am so amazed by the love that they show me, even though I am so undeserving. I am moved that people would part so easily with their finances and their time, because they love me and because they love God and His people.
Most of the time, I wonder why it is that God has decided to bless me so immensely. Surely, it is nothing I have done. The God we serve is delightful and magnificent, and His sovereign hand is mighty in supporting us, down to the last breath.
I opened the cheque she gave me, and I cried. It was so over and beyond what I had expected. Later, when I met up with her, I began to thank her, but she cut me off.
"No, I am the one that needs to thank you. A long time ago, you told me that we not only needed to tithe our money, but our time. I noticed that you take notes every Sunday in a journal, so I started doing the same. Because of these two lessons you taught me, I am now more receptive to what God has to say to me. I am indebted to you."
***
"Do you want me to tell you the amount I am going to support you," he said after a round of mini golf.
"Sure."
"___/month"
I had to ask him if he was serious.
He looked me in the eyes, and said, "Yes."
I had to look away. I was scared I would start crying.
***
"I believe in what God is using you to do. I want to be a part of it."
***
"Even before you asked me to meet up with you, I had already been thinking about supporting you."
***
"I want to take you shopping sometime. I know that when you're support raising, things are tight, and as a girl, you see lots of pretty things, like makeup and swimsuits, and dresses..but you can't afford it, or feel as though you should be more cautious with your money. Let me take you out and get you some things for you to enjoy."
***
Support raising hasn't been easy. Many mornings and afternoons, I sit at home. On msn, other friends who are support raising, are in and out, because they have numerous appointments. As for me, I have few appointments. I know few people in Toronto. It is easy to be consumed with self-pity and self-doubt.
But each evening, I meet up with people, and I come home humbled. I am the most prideful, most arrogant person you will ever meet. Yet, people still shower their love on me. It isn't their finances that I am thankful for (although I am thankful for their financial support)... It's their faith in God to use a sinner like me, small and inadequate, to bring the gospel to university students. I am so amazed by the love that they show me, even though I am so undeserving. I am moved that people would part so easily with their finances and their time, because they love me and because they love God and His people.
Most of the time, I wonder why it is that God has decided to bless me so immensely. Surely, it is nothing I have done. The God we serve is delightful and magnificent, and His sovereign hand is mighty in supporting us, down to the last breath.
dimanche, mai 27, 2007
donculous weekend.
Saturday: 5 hours spent commuting back and forth from/to church.
Sunday: 1 hour commuting home from church.
It was pouring outside. I was wearing all white. So I made a run for it, took the shortcut (it was daytime!!).... and as I rounded the corner, a man pulled down his pants, grabbed out his parts. I won't describe this in detail.
I made it home shaken, but safe...only to realize I had left my house keys at church. Locked out, soaking and grumpy, I commuted back to Scarborough and then back home. Round Trip: 2 hours.
***
"Low on the go" would be an accurate depiction of this weekend. As I sat on the subway for the 4th time today (after I got home with keys in hand, I went out again to meet some friends), I started to cry, and begged God to fill me with His Spirit. I felt physically and emotionally tired from the weekend.
Other than sleeping (12 hours between 3 days), I've spent less than 4 hours at home this weekend. During this process of support raising, I've found myself disgustingly envious of friends who have fifteen to twenty appointments in the week. I've found myself questioning why I don't have that many appointments. It is so easy to compare and wonder what I am doing wrong. And yet, this weekend really reminded me that though I am a Martha, I really need to be like Mary. Today, I gave up a badly needed sabbath, something that I resolved I would not do during this time of support raising. Now, I realize that the sabbath isn't for naught. To sit at Jesus' feet and choose the better portion is not a recommendation. It is a command. It is easy for me to try and play Jack Bauer. In my head, I OUGHT to be better than other people. I ought to be capable of handling many appointments and doing everything at once. I ought to be the extrovert that feeds off of relationships. I ought to be able to stay up for 24 hours and save the world from destruction. The truth is, however, I'm not Jack Bauer. Heck, I'm not even male (although, some people at NCAC might argue otherwise...). I am an introvert, and though I am capable of doing many things, it is not always wise to do so many things. I need to live life at a pace that is sustainable, and which leaves God as my number one priority. There are many things to be worried and bothered about, but in the end, it was Mary who chose the good part, which would last into eternity.
Saturday: 5 hours spent commuting back and forth from/to church.
Sunday: 1 hour commuting home from church.
It was pouring outside. I was wearing all white. So I made a run for it, took the shortcut (it was daytime!!).... and as I rounded the corner, a man pulled down his pants, grabbed out his parts. I won't describe this in detail.
I made it home shaken, but safe...only to realize I had left my house keys at church. Locked out, soaking and grumpy, I commuted back to Scarborough and then back home. Round Trip: 2 hours.
***
"Low on the go" would be an accurate depiction of this weekend. As I sat on the subway for the 4th time today (after I got home with keys in hand, I went out again to meet some friends), I started to cry, and begged God to fill me with His Spirit. I felt physically and emotionally tired from the weekend.
Other than sleeping (12 hours between 3 days), I've spent less than 4 hours at home this weekend. During this process of support raising, I've found myself disgustingly envious of friends who have fifteen to twenty appointments in the week. I've found myself questioning why I don't have that many appointments. It is so easy to compare and wonder what I am doing wrong. And yet, this weekend really reminded me that though I am a Martha, I really need to be like Mary. Today, I gave up a badly needed sabbath, something that I resolved I would not do during this time of support raising. Now, I realize that the sabbath isn't for naught. To sit at Jesus' feet and choose the better portion is not a recommendation. It is a command. It is easy for me to try and play Jack Bauer. In my head, I OUGHT to be better than other people. I ought to be capable of handling many appointments and doing everything at once. I ought to be the extrovert that feeds off of relationships. I ought to be able to stay up for 24 hours and save the world from destruction. The truth is, however, I'm not Jack Bauer. Heck, I'm not even male (although, some people at NCAC might argue otherwise...). I am an introvert, and though I am capable of doing many things, it is not always wise to do so many things. I need to live life at a pace that is sustainable, and which leaves God as my number one priority. There are many things to be worried and bothered about, but in the end, it was Mary who chose the good part, which would last into eternity.
vendredi, mai 25, 2007
mercredi, mai 23, 2007
lundi, mai 21, 2007
jeudi, mai 17, 2007
The Valley of Vision
LORD, HIGH and HOLY, MEEK and LOWLY,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
Where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up
that to be low is to be highl
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;
Let me find Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow
Thy grace in my sin
Thy riches in my poverty
They glory in my valley.
~ taken from The Valley of Vision: a collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions, edited by Arthur Bennett.
LORD, HIGH and HOLY, MEEK and LOWLY,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
Where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up
that to be low is to be highl
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;
Let me find Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow
Thy grace in my sin
Thy riches in my poverty
They glory in my valley.
~ taken from The Valley of Vision: a collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions, edited by Arthur Bennett.
mardi, mai 15, 2007
7 years.
It seems sentimental and cheesy to write a post saying goodbye to a TV show... but tonight was the series finale of Gilmore Girls. It's weird; it was as though I was saying goodbye to family members. It's been seven great years. I feel like I've grown up with the Gilmore Girls. We started the first day of high school together, Rory Gimore and I. And the first day of university. Now, as she heads off into the real world, I too am starting something new.
It's sentimental and cheesy... but I feel like there is now a gaping hole in my TV watching habits. What will I do on Tuesday nights at 10pm? I fully admit that I cried in this last episode.
It's been a good seven years.
It seems sentimental and cheesy to write a post saying goodbye to a TV show... but tonight was the series finale of Gilmore Girls. It's weird; it was as though I was saying goodbye to family members. It's been seven great years. I feel like I've grown up with the Gilmore Girls. We started the first day of high school together, Rory Gimore and I. And the first day of university. Now, as she heads off into the real world, I too am starting something new.
It's sentimental and cheesy... but I feel like there is now a gaping hole in my TV watching habits. What will I do on Tuesday nights at 10pm? I fully admit that I cried in this last episode.
It's been a good seven years.
lundi, mai 14, 2007
dimanche, mai 13, 2007
Valuing people
Recently, I found myself in a situation where I felt pretty lonely. There was a huge group of other people who seemed to know each other really well. They were fun and funny, both of which I am not. Over time, sensing my inadequacies, I pulled back, and stopped trying to hang out with them as much. I hadn't felt like this in quite awhile. In Toronto, I have a huge support base of people whom I know and love. I'm relatively "popular", and though I'm not fun or funny, I have fun and good times here. So being in this situation and not being part of the "cool" kids felt weird. Do not get me wrong, it's not as though this group excluded me in any way; they were super friendly and fun. They invited me and others on their outings. What I've said thus far, and what I will say is not a reflection of them in any way. They are lovely, fun people. It was just a weird feeling on my behalf of not really knowing them the way they did each other, and feeling inadequate because of my fun-factor, or lack thereof.
This got me thinking. I've always wondered why certain people never come out with us after a weekly meeting to eat, or why some people never join my church group and I for lunch, despite invitation. Here in Toronto, it's been awhile since I've been a newcomer or someone who doesn't know the group too well. While I was in this situation, I caught a glimpse of what it might be like for someone new to want to fit in. Granted, it was not exactly the same since I knew these people, I just didn't really know them. I caught a glimpse of what next year in Montreal might be like. Some people fit in easily right away. They are outgoing, fun, funny and people naturally gravitate towards them. Others, like me, are shy and find it hard to think up things to say that would matter.
I talked about this with some people recently, and someone pointed out that it is impossible to be friends with everyone, and how Christian culture tries so hard nowadays to embrace and be friends with everyone, when it isn't actually possible. I totally agree with this. Even Jesus was selective about the people He poured the majority of His time and energy into. I don't think we ought to feel pressure to be friends with everyone. But, I think that at the core, people want to be valued. They want to know their presence makes a difference. I really need to think this through, in ministry terms. Perhaps the fringe member is on the fringe, not because he or she doesn't want to get involved, but because despite invitations, his presence is not truly valued. I think I need to work on valuing people. Other fringe members might not be involved for other reasons, but I am certain that some fringe members are just like me in this situation. They want to go on outings, want to be included, but are just unsure of how to proceed naturally, and feel inadequate because of shyness or insecurities over not being cool enough or fun enough.
Meeting new people is hard; it requires sacrifice on both sides. It requires sacrifice on the part of the newcomer to swallow their pride (something I am HORRIBLE at!!!), make multiple attempts to get to know others, and face rejection. It requires sacrifice on the part of the "in-group" (for lack of a better word) to allow a newcomer into the fold, to value them, and spend time getting to know them.
Hmm, I think this is something I really need to work on. I really want people to feel valued when they are around me.
Recently, I found myself in a situation where I felt pretty lonely. There was a huge group of other people who seemed to know each other really well. They were fun and funny, both of which I am not. Over time, sensing my inadequacies, I pulled back, and stopped trying to hang out with them as much. I hadn't felt like this in quite awhile. In Toronto, I have a huge support base of people whom I know and love. I'm relatively "popular", and though I'm not fun or funny, I have fun and good times here. So being in this situation and not being part of the "cool" kids felt weird. Do not get me wrong, it's not as though this group excluded me in any way; they were super friendly and fun. They invited me and others on their outings. What I've said thus far, and what I will say is not a reflection of them in any way. They are lovely, fun people. It was just a weird feeling on my behalf of not really knowing them the way they did each other, and feeling inadequate because of my fun-factor, or lack thereof.
This got me thinking. I've always wondered why certain people never come out with us after a weekly meeting to eat, or why some people never join my church group and I for lunch, despite invitation. Here in Toronto, it's been awhile since I've been a newcomer or someone who doesn't know the group too well. While I was in this situation, I caught a glimpse of what it might be like for someone new to want to fit in. Granted, it was not exactly the same since I knew these people, I just didn't really know them. I caught a glimpse of what next year in Montreal might be like. Some people fit in easily right away. They are outgoing, fun, funny and people naturally gravitate towards them. Others, like me, are shy and find it hard to think up things to say that would matter.
I talked about this with some people recently, and someone pointed out that it is impossible to be friends with everyone, and how Christian culture tries so hard nowadays to embrace and be friends with everyone, when it isn't actually possible. I totally agree with this. Even Jesus was selective about the people He poured the majority of His time and energy into. I don't think we ought to feel pressure to be friends with everyone. But, I think that at the core, people want to be valued. They want to know their presence makes a difference. I really need to think this through, in ministry terms. Perhaps the fringe member is on the fringe, not because he or she doesn't want to get involved, but because despite invitations, his presence is not truly valued. I think I need to work on valuing people. Other fringe members might not be involved for other reasons, but I am certain that some fringe members are just like me in this situation. They want to go on outings, want to be included, but are just unsure of how to proceed naturally, and feel inadequate because of shyness or insecurities over not being cool enough or fun enough.
Meeting new people is hard; it requires sacrifice on both sides. It requires sacrifice on the part of the newcomer to swallow their pride (something I am HORRIBLE at!!!), make multiple attempts to get to know others, and face rejection. It requires sacrifice on the part of the "in-group" (for lack of a better word) to allow a newcomer into the fold, to value them, and spend time getting to know them.
Hmm, I think this is something I really need to work on. I really want people to feel valued when they are around me.
vendredi, mai 11, 2007
Back from BC... MET I.
"When you're new on staff, you expect that you will make mistakes, and you expect other, more seasoned staff to understand this. The question I have for you is, will you allow your national leadership to make mistakes?"
As he said these words, I was instantly convicted. In joining staff, because of certain circumstances, I was really weary of joining such a large organization. A question resonated in my head constantly, "How can a team of people, who don't even know me, and who rely on pieces of paper and forms filled out about me, make a decision on where to place me? How do I know I can trust these people? Do they even care? There's 500 staff in Canada and 27,000 staff worldwide. No leadership of an organization as large as that actually cares about the 'little people'."
But as Dave Beck said those words, in my heart I was convicted. The people on the national team for Campus Crusade for Christ, Canada are solid, godly people whom God had ordained to be in their respective positions. I knew that as a first year staff member (and as a human), I'd be making a great deal of mistakes, and yet I was not willing to submit to others and let them make mistakes. Prior to this conviction, I had told other first year staff members that I would be really upset if I wasn't placed in Quebec, and that I would have a difficult time trusting the staff. But after these words spoke to my heart, I really felt a sense of peace. All of a sudden, I saw the huge need that there is on university campuses all across Canada, and I realized that although I love Montreal and desperately want to see it reached for Christ, I really could go anywhere and be at peace with God and the people He had selected to lead me.
When they handed out the envelopes containing where our placements would be, I felt such a sense of peace that I didn't go rushing off to open it. I sat in my room and prayed for awhile, and opened it up. It said that I had been placed in Montreal. I cried. Though I had been willing to go anywhere, God and the national leadership team had seen my heart, and had placed me in the city I so desperately wanted to go to.
That night, all of us went to the Leonard Buhler's house for dinner. Leonard Buhler is the president of Campus Crusade for Christ, Canada. When we got there, Leonard was outside barbecuing burgers, and his wife, Debbie, was inside making salad and washing the veggies. Not only did Leonard barbecue for us, he continued to barbecue until all of us had had seconds before stopping to eat. This was immensely humbling. I had been questioning whether the leadership of crusade actually cared, when here was the president himself, serving us! We were all in awe; what president of a national company is ever found serving his first year staff workers? I was beyond touched.
"When you're new on staff, you expect that you will make mistakes, and you expect other, more seasoned staff to understand this. The question I have for you is, will you allow your national leadership to make mistakes?"
As he said these words, I was instantly convicted. In joining staff, because of certain circumstances, I was really weary of joining such a large organization. A question resonated in my head constantly, "How can a team of people, who don't even know me, and who rely on pieces of paper and forms filled out about me, make a decision on where to place me? How do I know I can trust these people? Do they even care? There's 500 staff in Canada and 27,000 staff worldwide. No leadership of an organization as large as that actually cares about the 'little people'."
But as Dave Beck said those words, in my heart I was convicted. The people on the national team for Campus Crusade for Christ, Canada are solid, godly people whom God had ordained to be in their respective positions. I knew that as a first year staff member (and as a human), I'd be making a great deal of mistakes, and yet I was not willing to submit to others and let them make mistakes. Prior to this conviction, I had told other first year staff members that I would be really upset if I wasn't placed in Quebec, and that I would have a difficult time trusting the staff. But after these words spoke to my heart, I really felt a sense of peace. All of a sudden, I saw the huge need that there is on university campuses all across Canada, and I realized that although I love Montreal and desperately want to see it reached for Christ, I really could go anywhere and be at peace with God and the people He had selected to lead me.
When they handed out the envelopes containing where our placements would be, I felt such a sense of peace that I didn't go rushing off to open it. I sat in my room and prayed for awhile, and opened it up. It said that I had been placed in Montreal. I cried. Though I had been willing to go anywhere, God and the national leadership team had seen my heart, and had placed me in the city I so desperately wanted to go to.
That night, all of us went to the Leonard Buhler's house for dinner. Leonard Buhler is the president of Campus Crusade for Christ, Canada. When we got there, Leonard was outside barbecuing burgers, and his wife, Debbie, was inside making salad and washing the veggies. Not only did Leonard barbecue for us, he continued to barbecue until all of us had had seconds before stopping to eat. This was immensely humbling. I had been questioning whether the leadership of crusade actually cared, when here was the president himself, serving us! We were all in awe; what president of a national company is ever found serving his first year staff workers? I was beyond touched.
It excites me that I am joining an organization full of humble, servant-hearted individuals. Yes, it may be a big organization, but going to BC really showed me that it is an organization of people who truly care about my well-being and really desire the gospel to be preached in all corners of the world.
Leonard, Debbie and Myself
Leonard and 4 of us new staff girls!
Leonard, Debbie and Myself
Leonard and 4 of us new staff girls!lundi, mai 07, 2007
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