mardi, septembre 28, 2010


Wow, it's been awhile since i last blogged. How do i do this again? i feel rusty.

In the past year or so, i've become a bit of a recluse. At first, i thought it was because i was dating Sam, and that i was becoming one of 'those' people, who never hang out with any of their girlfriends after finding a significant other. In hindsight, although this might be ten percent of the reason, i've come to realize that it isn't much Sam, as it is a myriad of other things. One of which is simple: i enjoy being solitary. Kind of.

Last year, work on campus seemed to pick up a lot. Not in challenge factor, necessarily, just in terms of sheer hours spent with people. Oh yeah, and there was that period of time, that hard month in April, when things were just rough. So rough that i didn't blog about it and didn't talk about it to anyone except a very, very select few.

Anyways, there was a direct correlation between the increase in people-time on campus, and the decrease in people-time off campus. Something like:


Nowadays, even though there are many people that i love, i get home from campus and i'm tired out from all the people i've seen while on campus (these are people that i love too!). Most days i want to veg. Some days, i veg at home. Many days, i veg at Sam and Peter's house. But all days, if i'm not on campus, i'm tired and i don't feel up to socializing.

On the flip side, though i don't want to socialize, i still want human contact. Being at Sam and Peter's is pretty conducive to this. Their guy friends (who are also, my friends, i suppose), come and go, but generally, they're a pretty silent crowd as well; seems to me like guys also enjoy human contact, but don't feel the need to talk.

Thing is, girls like to talk. They like to catch up and connect deeply. Most of the time, after connecting deeply all day, all i want to be is superficial. On weekends, i don't want to meet up and have a coffee. i want to sit (by sit, i mean sprawl) on Sam and Peter's very comfy bean bag, play nintendo, watch tv, do nothing, and essentially, vegetate.

(Vegetate is a good word, by the way).

But i want to do all of these things--essentially, i want to live my weekends in non-action--while at the same being in the presence of people.

Anyways, all that this means is that i have become a bit of a recluse. Much of my time is spent alone, and most of the time, this solitude is much needed. At the same time, i'm scared that i will end up one day like an old cat woman, with no friends, (and without cats, since i am allergic). Will i enjoy the solitude then?

Does anyone ever experience this?