mercredi, février 25, 2009

reason #234304905 why i heart my best friend...

...because if i lose my phone, she'll call AND text someone she has never met, LONG distance, just to help me find it.

she is pretty much amazing, and one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

mardi, février 24, 2009

on being girly.

i think...i am not a very sentimental person. at least, not in the girly sense. how does one even work on this? hmmm....

samedi, février 21, 2009


on faith.

Romans 14:23b "whatever does not proceed from faith is sin."
1 Corinthians 2:5 "that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God."
2 Corinthians 5:7 "for we walk by faith, not by sight."

Sometimes, i wish there was a way to walk through life without the possibility of hurt. But maybe i don't believe enough in His Sovereignty and power. The life of faith we live isn't one of blind trusting, but is built upon a solid rock. And maybe i just need to trust that should the wind beat upon the beams of the house, should the rains fall and the floods come, there is an unshakable Foundation which will always be my strength and salvation.

samedi, février 14, 2009

on seeing him with eyes of faith.

You know, i'm a pretty independent person. i guess when you move away from home at 16 to the largest city in Canada, you quickly learn to become independent. Maybe a part of it is being an only child. Maybe another part of it is just my personality. Whatever the case, i'm often confident (maybe too confident at times) of my ability to sustain myself and to lead others.

Perhaps It is a pride thing; i don't like to ask for help. Other than my bookshelf, i can say that everything in my room was assembled by me and maybe a couple of other females. Sometimes, my feminist, sinful, independent-self tells me i don't need men....

...Especially not "non-solid" men. Sure, i submit myself to male leadership... but only if i trust that he is wise, mature, theologically sound, fantastic, great, (insert positive adjective here or read: john piper).

Fastforward to my present life. Being on staff provides me with amazing opportunities to work with older, wiser men who i would trust with my life. But being at the church i'm at is often harder. i lead a study of all guys (let's not go into the theological/doctrinal implications of this right now), who often times have trouble doing one quiet time a week, let alone follow servant leadership patterns described in 1 Timothy 3. And sometimes, the sinful, prideful me thinks to myself, "I'm better than these guys, why would i ever submit to their leadership?" instead of asking myself, "How can i, as a sister in Christ, help develop these guys so that they can become servant-leaders that i would not only be willing to follow, but delight in following?"

i don't see the guys in my life with eyes of faith for the men that God could make them.

Instead, i compare them with men who are 20, 30 years older. Why can't so and so be like John Piper? Why can't he communicate his thoughts like Driscoll or Keller? He doesn't measure up to my director...He doesn't...(fill in negative attribute here).
I forget that all these guys, all the men i look up to in my life have a good 10,20, 30 years of experience, cultivation and seasoning to have become the men that they are.

In January, i went snowboarding with a friend. It was his second time going, so i encouraged him, gave him tips and corrections. By the end of the night, he was pretty good. i could still beat him down the hill, but he wasn't too far behind.
The next time we went, he had drastically improved. In fact, that night, he started trying to learn how to ride switch, something i had rarely attempted before. And not only did he try to learn this new thing, he encouraged me to try learning it too. To my shame, by the end of that night, he was definitely better than me. But he had also made me into a better snowboarder by challenging me and urging me to travel to places i had never been before.

That night, i couldn't help but think to myself that my friend had taught me a really valuable lesson about having faith for the man he'll become. Initially, he wasn't in a place to lead me, but with encouragement from others and diligence, he has surpassed me in his ability and in his giftedness to lead.

This isn't just a snowboarding story that ends there. It's an analogy that extends to all females out there, to have faith in the men their brothers will become.
A year ago, i would have never thought that this friend would challenge me the way he does, or cause me to see and trust God in greater and deeper ways. But somehow, it has come to the place where he does both, and more. i trust him and would willingly submit to his leadership, because i see his constant desire to walk in step with God and his ever-growing ability to teach me new things.

The mark of a solid guy then, may not actually be that he is fully solid (i mean, who actually is fully 100% solid?), but that he is on a trajectory that is set to love God more and more each day.

And so, maybe my role, as i walk into the Bible study i have with all these guys, is not to lead these guys, or belittle them for not being the men they should be, but to spur these guys on to become men of God. To encourage them to take steps of leadership and humility, and to trust that as they learn to love God more, they will become men that i can trust and depend on. Godly, servant-hearted leaders who will spur me on to love God more.

on ro___tic, Singles' Awareness &/or Valentine's day.

You know, i just have to say...i love this day more and more each year! Were i in a relationship, i might not want to celebrate it (feels a bit cliché..kinda like diamond rings), but i love observing people celebrate it.

Today, in the metro, i saw tons of guys with roses and flowers and whatnot, and girls with flowers and oh, the romantic in me was just so happy to see people enjoying each other.

Much better, would be to see this year round, randomly...because i just love seeing the looks of happiness and love on the faces of people, who are usually so stoic and emotionless on the metro. But even if it's just one day a makes me happy.

...Especially when the girls aren't carrying roses, but other kinds of cute flowers like peonies, yellow poppies, ranunculus (sp: ranunculi??)..

Below the cynical layers, exists a true romantic at heart.

jeudi, février 12, 2009

on "the other man".

Josh: you should blog about your craving for brownies and icecream, and make the title "the other man." [As a follow up to the last post.]

Lydia: the blog is LOW on the go, friend, not HO on the go.

dimanche, février 08, 2009

on love affairs.

Sometimes, the mark of a good love affair is that it starts off with hate. You just can't stand to be around him, can't stand to look at him, to go near him. Then comes the day when he consumes all of your thoughts. Oh, the nerve of him to just come barging in! He already makes your life a living hell, showing up whenever he's not wanted. But to barge in on your thoughts too! And at first, you play it off as hate, but the more you think about him, the more you hate him, the more you realize that maybe your hate isn't hate directed at him, but rather, the hate is directed at this passion that you can't seem to quench, can't seem to get away from.

And you realize that all those knots in your stomach, the sick feelings you feel are just the feelings of wanting that you've been bottling up all along. So you walk out of your house, on a sunny winter day. It is warm, almost remniscent of spring. There are puddles, and there's a hum in the air. Your shoes crunch the salt on the ground as you walk briskly, hardly able to contain yourself. Oh, the wanting! It's there.

And then you see him. Right inside, down the first aisle.

The tomato.

You quickly scoop him up, hoping no one sees you. After all your brash talk about hating him, about despising him, no one can know about this love affair that you are about to enter into.

You bring him home with you, perhaps unwise for a first date. Much more appropriate would be enjoying his company at a little italian restaurant with checkered tablecloths. But oh, the passion is too great.

So you bring him home, not even knowing him on more than a first name basis. You cut him up, place him in a pan alongside the avocado and the ricotta cheese. Then you drizzle reduced cream, garlic and basil leaves, and stick them in an oven, until things become hot and steamy.

When all is finally said and done, you serve it all on warm and toasted country bread.

And the love, oh, it is good.

Creamed Tomatoes, Avocado and Ricotta Cheese on Country Bread.
3/4 cups heavy cooking cream (at least 15%)
2 cloves garlic, pressed through a garlic press

10 fresh basil leaves
6 roma tomatoes, sliced lengthwise (approx 1 cm in width)

1 avocado, also sliced lengthwise

3-4 tbsp ricotta cheese
country bread, cut thickly

salt and pepper to taste.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
In a saucepan, simmer the cream and the garlic until 1/3rd reduced.
While simmering cream, cut tomatoes and place in a oven-safe baking dish. Place sliced avocado on top of tomato slices. Then spoon the ricotta cheese over the tomatoes and avocadoes.
When cream is done simmering, stir in basil leaves.
Pour this mixture over the tomatoes and slide into oven.

Bake for about 20-25 minutes until cream is bubbly and thick, and tops of the tomatoes are slightly blistered.
Spoon this out onto toasted bread and add salt and pepper to taste (don't forget to do this, or your lunch will be bland)!

You know, the thing about love affairs is that they're over and done with so quickly. And once they're over, the sick feeling in your stomach comes back, and you realize that maybe...just maybe, you should have waited to get over the flu before subjecting your stomach to the ridiculously good food you make.

Then again, what's a love affair without spontaneity. And damn, that was a good meal. Sometimes, you just gotta throw your hands in the air and say, "To heck with the outcome, i'm not waiting a second longer to eat!" It's probably not the wisest thing, in retrospect. But what love affair is wise?

Oh Mr. Tomato, i don't want to see you for awhile, but thanks for such a wonderful sunday!

49 hours.

i've spent 49 hours in my bed, and i actually think i am going crazy. it was one of the first weeks in a long time where i've missed church because of sickness.

and i know i'm introverted, but 49 hours and 13 minutes of not hanging out with people and sitting in this driving me insane.

i was on msn with a friend who laughed at me and just told me to sleep, and i cried!

i cried!!

loneliness, boredom and sickness AND not eating tasty food. UGH. i hate this all-star combo!!

samedi, février 07, 2009

Psalm 37

v.3 "Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
v.4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and He will give you the desires of your heart.
v.5 Commit your way to the LORD
trust in Him and He will act.
v.7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him.
v.8 Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
Fret not yourself, it tends only to evil.
v.23 The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
when He delights in his way;
v.24 Though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the LORD upholds his hand
v.39 The salvation of the righteous is from the LORD,
He is their stronghold in the time of trouble.

i am so far from being this kind of person. So far from being able to refrain from anger. Far from being able to subdue my fretting heart.

But i woke up on Thursday morning, and thought "'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus."

And despite my circumstances, despite what others think, despite the bad day i have just had, it is sweet to trust in Jesus. I believe; help my unbelief!

mercredi, février 04, 2009

nothing like music to make the world go round.

Fiction Family - When She's Near from ATO Records on Vimeo.

on goodbyes.

Today, i said goodbye to a dear friend. Some goodbyes are forever. Some are not. i don't know which kind of goodbye this is. But it was good.

Sometimes, things need to die before they can come back to life. And if Lazarus wasn't brought back from the dead, Jesus would still be perfect and good and beautiful.

To those with ears to hear and eyes to see, there will be very great release from unbearable burdens in the language of autumn trees, for example, when they dress most gloriously in preparation for death. The red of the leaves is the sign of the cross. Winter follows, when snow closes everything in frozen silence. The trees then are skeletons, but wonders are being performed under the surface of things. Spring comes, and the hidden wonders burst out all at once-- tiny shoots, swelling buds, touches of green and red where all seemed hopeless the day before.... If the leaves had not been let go to fall and wither, if the tree had not consented to be a skeleton for many months, there would be no new life rising, no bud, no flower, no fruit, no seed, no new generation.
~ Elisabeth Elliot

On feeling stupid.

Today is just one of those days when you catch yourself and think: " wow I am stupid. I've been putting myself in precarious positions where the only things at risk are my pride and my heart."

My pride can stand to fall...goodness knows I need to be humbled. But the heart is another thing. It's deceitful and yet also the wellspring. There's a tough pericardium, but it's altogether far too sensitive to play games with.

Have you ever had a day like today?

on handmade loveliness.

okay, so you probably already know that i am so over-the-top obsessed with handmade, diy craft culture.

So even though i don't like horror films...i seriously cannot wait for this movie. The first handmade film, shot in 3-D. AHH i cannot wait!!!

lundi, février 02, 2009

i'll give it time, give it space, and be still for a spell.

Learning so much about what it means to wait upon the LORD, these days. It's been good for me. The constant reminder. Through songs, through books, through THE Book.
The lesson is not about the earthly things i am waiting for, but rather, Jesus. Waiting patiently for Him to transform my life. Waiting patiently for Him to do a good work in and through me. Waiting for Him to make me more like Him. Waiting for Him to cause the sun to rise, or hasten summer's start. Only should He choose.

What He brings tomorrow, the lessons I will learn, these are not up to me. But those things He has brought me today are what I need to accept, to wrestle with, in some cases, place on the altar, and in other cases, cherish deeply.

She will have to take Christ's yoke upon her and learn of Him. I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts...God's time for further revelations of the heart might come later. Tomorrow was not our business; it was His. Letting it rest with Him was the discipline for the day, and it was enough. ~ Elisabeth Elliot