Low on the Go!

this new year is beginning to hurtle by at wondrous speeds. can it truly be? the first week of 2006 has almost come and gone, leaving me at the roadside pondering the age old question, "where has the time gone?"
Every 365 days at the beginning of the new year i am forced to think about the way in which the year has been spent--has my life been profoundly and deeply changed? Or is it nothing more than the banal? Indeed, it is horrific the amount of times i have grieved, for i feel as though i have wasted my year. This is partly why i no longer make new years' resolutions--i hate to see myself as a failure. And yet, with or without the resolutions, my mind returns to the past each year, and i feel disappointed. As though during the year something miraculous should have happened, some sort of tangible transformation.
This year is no different. In perusing through old blogs, i not only feel as though i have changed, i feel as though atrophy has occurred. Have i prodigalized? Perhaps.
Or perhaps, as the bar raises each year, i am brought to a deeper understanding of how my sin inflicted His wounds. As i draw closer to Him and see His magnificence, i am forced to realize my own depravity. Perhaps it is a little of both. The humanity in my bones dictates that i will stumble a great deal; my finite being has the capability to forget. It is a good thing that the infinite God calls me back. He awaits me. Delights in me. Oh, i am the prodigal son indeed.

Someday the miraculous year shall come. Behold, it shall be the year in which an enormous tangible transformation will occur. the year when i shall be given a new name. Until then, i'll have to make do with what i have, knowing when i do stumble, there is hope and faith in future grace.