Low on the Go!

so what does one do after a post like the one from yesterday? i feel as though some apologies are in order... but to whom do i apologize? well..God obviously..but thats been taken care of.

the thing with blogs like that is that people will undoubtedly ask "are you okay?" which is a question i detest after i've blown up, unless it comes from the right people..best friends and such who ask me how i'm doing on a regular basis. With everyone else it seems like sort of a pity question...i mean, its as though when times are ordinary most people sink into the woodwork, but when a crisis occurs..THEN its time to step into the picture and play that part of a valiant hero who really cares. i don't blow up on my blog so that i can get this type of attention..in all honesty, it isn't a very flattering form of attention. i just use my blog to blow up periodically because that way, i get rid of some steam without saying mean things to the people i want to be saying them to.

at any rate. enough of that.

i realized last night i was throwing myself a pity party.. "oh poor lydia, she's stuck on a hard campus that sees very little fruit, all on her own, while struggling to do well in school...why God? why?"
as though life should be easy. its always quite facile to demand our rights. its my RIGHT to be able to feel good. why did you put me here God? its not as though i ASKED to be put here. you couldn't give me more people who are running in the same direction at U of T? yaddi yadda.

of course, trust someone from Carleton to put things into perspective for me.

Matey™: for sure! and just dream that one day, that sort of thing will be happening every day at U of T that the Lord will be adding to the numbers daily...at U of T alone
*lydia.: i guess sometimes the question for me
isn't CAN God do it? because i know that if its what He wants it'll happen..
but the question is...WILL He? sometimes i'd rather not ask for those things... because if they don't happen..at least i won't end up disappointed.... and disappointment happens a lot here
Matey™: hmm
"they did not receive the things promised, they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance"
*lydia.: hebrews 11:13 eh
Matey™: you know it
*lydia.: yeah you're right. even though i'd much prefer to wallow in self-pity. haha.
Matey™: yeah...I mean, it's so human of us to want to see things happening in the here and now, not so we can say we were a part of things, but to somehow
experience more of what God is doing (this is what I often trick myself into thinking)I know I personally don't like the idea of welcoming things from a distance, I want some glimpses or some tastes of what will happen before my time is up.. but realistically...what right do we haveto want to see 'results'? I mean it is good to see what God is doing,and be excited by that.\it's kind of like Peter asking Christ at the end of John's gospel... and Jesus says, "what is it to you? follow me"

it is difficult for me to realize that in demanding my rights, the only thing i TRULY deserve is death. The gift He gave me in freeing me from the bonds of death should be enough of a blessing to last a lifetime. If He could give His only Son..if THAT is how wide and deep His love for me, can i not trust that the place He has put me in is for a good and perfect reason?

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives."


It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.


Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. ~Hebrews 12:3-13

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P.S.

anonymous 2: i know what the word caveat means... if i didn't know what it meant, i wouldn't use it. haha.

the original anonymous: haha thanks for pointing that out to anonymous 2. ^_^