Low on the Go!

do i really want to follow You...or do i want to sell my soul to rock and roll? (replace rock and roll with rowing.)

today, i made it to rowing at about twenty to six. it was still early, and my new partner hadn't arrived yet. i watched as the Upper Canada College boys got into their boats and then the U of T novice rowers, followed by the U of T Varsity rowers.

i love fall, namely because its when all the racing shells come out and rowing for university students comes alive. today, as i watched them launch their boats, i thought to myself, "wow...that was you, 3 years ago." i watched them glide along the water like smooth pebbles rolling on glass and i couldn't help but feel a twinge of resentment.

the reason why i didn't continue on rowing with U of T after my first year was because i made a choice to get involved with C4C. there was no way i could wake up every morning at 4:45am for practice, do 2 hours of exercise on top of that, school, ballet, church min, violin and C4C. additionally, the OUAs (the most important university race) is always held the weekend of Summit. So, when i was in second year, i made the decision to quit rowing competitively and invest in something eternal.

i've never regretted that decision. when my body grows frail and weak, and i can no longer move, i know i'll still be able to use the skills i've learned in C4C to share the life-changing message of the Gospel with people around me.

but today, i REALLY had to speak Words of Truth to myself. seeing U of T getting coached and rowing brilliantly was a hard pill to swallow. Next to serving God, rowing and dance are two things that i enjoy the most. This morning, as i struggled to coach my partner (who is relatively new to rowing), we definitely did not glide smoothly along the water. i realized that i will never be a rower picked up by scouts for the national rowing team. i realized that i will never compete in a prestigious race like the Royal Canadian Henley. Not because of a lack of talent, but because i will never have the opportunities. i made my choice. i realized today,again for the millionth time in my life (what can i say, i'm an israelite wandering around in the desert) that it would be much easier to sell my soul to rock and roll or to become an amazing rower and athlete. but denying myself, picking up the cross and following Him is harder than it sounds.

As i sat in the boat on the water , i was reminded that nothing i "own", even my own body, is mine. at the end of my days, there will not be a u-haul behind my hearse dragging my possessions and abilities up to heaven with me. Even the tides and waves are directed by His hand. Thus, living a life for only my own selfish indulgences and denying his call would be fruitless and pointless. i want to be used by God, like Abraham, even when my body is as good as dead and i want to grow strong in my faith, as i give glory to God, fully convinced that He is able to do what He has promised.

At the end of the row, i felt good about the decision i made three years ago, and i am grateful that i did not become a pillar of salt as i looked back on that decision. as if to say, "You are my child, and i am well pleased," as i was leaving, an AMAZING master's crew asked me if i'd be willing to sweep an eight with them tomorrow night (they're short one person). This is akin to playing a game of hockey with i dunno..Maurice Richard.

thus the realization...

along with the decision i made this summer to do full time ministry upon graduation, there will be many hard decisions that i will have to make. Many things that i will not be able to do. i will probably never own a cottage or a mini cooper S. i will probably never become rich and famous. but spending an eternity with my Abba, and seeing others enter into this fold is amazing enough to outweigh all these other earthly seductions.

i am grateful, because the one thing i will be able to do forever (which is glorifying the Almighty God) is something i am also able to do right now, and is the only thing that truly matters.