Low on the Go!

the soul has not become a bondservant to rock and roll: a follow up post to September 19th.

On Tuesday, after the C4C weekly meeting, a friend asked me, "Are you happy, Lydia?" And for the first time in a couple of weeks, i was able to say that i was truly happy.

The start of this academic year has been a rough one for me. i've been pretty apathetic in every area of my life, especially in terms of ministry and school. i've done everything that has been required, but my heart has just not been in it. Tiredness has been my shadow ever since coming back to Toronto and a lack of compelling vision has caused me to move slowly and uninterestedly. The past 3 years have been hard. They have been tiring. Its difficult to have a heart that aches constantly for the lost on campus and yet not see much fruit. Coming into the new academic year, my faith was at an all-time low. i didn't want to pick up the cross once more. i wish i could say that my faith was like that of Abraham, who did not weaken in his faith when his own body was considered as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old). i gave up asking for His mercies each day, because my heart was corrupt, and i believed in my own works, more than His strength.

Tuesday morning, during my row, i was reminded of what i live for. i was reminded of the One who has given me life, and i was reminded of everyone dear to me, who do not yet live. Sometimes, its the small things that point us to His grace and draw our eyes off of ourselves.
My heart, admittedly, had become used to prizing itself instead of praising the Creator, who is most blessed forever. But on Tuesday, its as though His chisel had pried open this cold, calloused heart of mine. My prayer that i would see His grace with awakened eyes had been answered.

Our first REAL weekly meeting at U of T happened later that afternoon. Again, i was reminded of His grace and His sovereign hand. i was reminded of the decision i made 2.5 years ago to invest in the eternal. And finally, i was reminded that the LORD is indeed a gracious, merciful and good God. All those times when it was just myself and another girl, praying and beseeching God that He would grow the ministry and turn it into a movement have not gone unanswered. He has heard, and is doing mighty things.

From two students, two staff (= one "discipleship group) and no weekly meetings in 2003...

to...

three students, four staff, one discipleship group (but still no weekly meetings) in 2004...

(the black girl in the back row was a random girl...she hasn't come back)
to...
3 discipleship groups, one leaders' study, 4 staff and no weekly meetings in 2005

to...

seven discipleship groups(totalling around 50 students), five staff, and a first weekly meeting of at least 35-40 people in 2006.