vendredi, février 02, 2007

thankful heart.

So, i thought it might be worthwhile to counterbalance that depressing post with something more uplifting. i don't want people to think i have gone off the deep end or anything like that. My post yesterday may have sounded depressing; i won't lie, i think, in some ways, i am very much struggling with despondency. The good news is, i've come to terms with this. By this, i mean the notion that i am not a supernatural human being, and that it is okay to struggle with things such as depression. Today, i left my house and felt freed from the burden of putting a smile on my face. Instead, i prayed for joy, knowing that joy does not necessarily need to be accompanied by a beaming grin. i've become okay with being honest with people, instead of feeling as though i have to put up a front for everyone and anyone. It isn't as though overnight i have stopped being depressed, or that the grey cloud has gone away. But, today, i preached the gospel to myself multiple times and realized how dangerous it is to take our eyes off the cross.

Many spiritual giants have undergone depression and despondency; Thomas Brainerd and Charles Spurgeon are just two names that come to mind. None of us can claim, however, that their lives went to waste because of these sufferings. There existed a difference between these two men and numerous other sufferers of depression, fifteen percent of whom choose to end their lives every year. This difference was that they experienced "a rock of electing love under [them] which would catch [them], so that in [their] darkest times [they] could still affirm the truth and goodness of God, even though [they] couldn't sense it for a season."

Here is what Spurgeon said about this struggle:
"Despondency is not a virtue; I believe it is a vice. I am heartily ashamed of myself for falling into it, but I am sure there is no remedy for it like a holy faith in God."


Here is what the psalmist says in Pslam 42:
"My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me continually,
'Where is your God?'
...

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil
within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise
him,
my salvation and my God."

Psalm 73:

"my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

i do not want to trivialize what i am going through, or what anyone else for whom bleakness knocks on the door experiences. When this blog is written, and all is said and done, it is still a verity that cloudy skies are still very much a reality in my life. My struggle is to preach the gospel to myself and believe it, despite the fact that God's presence may seem elusive on a daily basis. It is a fight to fix my eyes on Him and what He won for me on Calvary. This is the truth! Indeed, the Almighty God, the Abba who gives me life, the Alpha and Omega, has already conquered! Thus, this fight is not in vain and clinging tightly is not for naught. Instead, it is a joyous fight to maintain faith in future grace.

Please pray for me.


*edit: wow, this blog was REALLY cheesy....but i meant it..and it is true. so i will leave it up.

2 commentaires:

wendy a dit...

I'm thinking of you Lydia

sara.w. a dit...

.... thankyou for thursaday night looking forward to many more.