Low on the Go!

1000.

© W.Gonsalves 2007

This is my thousandth blog post. This summer, my blog will turn four years old. Not much has changed; I still use FAR too many commas and I still find pistachio pudding a neon green delight. At the same time, everything has changed. I am no longer a liberal user of profanity, though some might say that I never was to begin with. I am no longer a feminist, at least, not by the modern sense of the word. I am not the fighter for peace (oxymoron?) that I once was; I believe in peace, but only because of a God who embodies the true meaning of peace; where I once desired to protest at a G8 summit, I no longer have any desire to do so. I no longer row 4 days a week, and I no longer dance three days a week. As a result, I weigh about thirty pounds more than I did when I threw my high school graduation cap in the air. I am no longer the angry, cynical person I was in first year, who couldn't let go of past hangups and who was unhealthily competitive. They boy I had a crush on back then is now married. I am still just as close to getting married as I was back then, but now I am not as troubled by this as I might have been back then. A friend recently told me that he was glad that I struggle with singlehood, just as much as he does. To which I replied, "I struggle?". He said, "Don't you?" I sat and thought for awhile. I came to the conclusion that I actually truly love being single. Though I often blog about relationships and find them fascinating, I love this season of singlehood. I'm not sure I would have been able to say that when this blog started out. Thankfully, I am no longer an angst-laden, depressive, emo teenager. There are many things I still struggle with, but there is something different about the Me of today and the Me of 2003.

Though secularists would give me multiple reasons for this change, it is evident to me that this change has not derived from anything earthly and perishable. It has only been because of the grace from the Author and Perfecter of our faith. I am hardly a better person; I am still THE most prideful person you will ever meet and I am still THE most insecure and unloving person you will ever meet. I say these things not flippantly, but with a full measure of honesty. What has changed then? This, to me, is a mystery--not in the flaky Brian McLaren-i-have-the-key-that-christians-have-missed-for-two-thousand-years sense, but in the sense that in all my days on earth, I will never fully comprehend God's grace.

As I grow older, I see my sin more acutely. I see the hugeness of my disparity and this magnifies the grandeur and hugeness of the cross.

magical.

***

oh, and speaking of magical...

tonight...

is going to be a magical night of music....

Josh Groban serenading me (and thousands of other people...)

huzzah!