lundi, novembre 03, 2008

on friendship.



Harry:
Staying over?
Sally: Yes.
Harry:
Would you like to have dinner?
(Sally looks over)
Harry: Just friends.
Sally: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.
Harry:
When did I say that?
Sally:
On the ride to New York.
Harry:
No no no no, I never said that. (Harry pauses, thinks.) Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people then they can. This is an amendment to the earlier rule, if the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possibilty of involvement is lifted. (Pauses) That doesn't work either because what happens then is the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from their relationship and "why do you have to go outside to get it?". Then when you say, "no no no no, it's not true nothing's missing from the relationship", the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which we probably are, I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it, which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment which is men and women can't be friends, so where does that leave us?
Sally:
Harry
Harry:
What?
Sally:
Goodbye.
Harry:
Oh, OK.
(They both start to walk along the motorised walkway, side by side)


***

Today i was talking with a guy friend of mine who told me that yesterday, one of his friends who is a girl told him that she can't be as close of a friend as she feels he's expecting, because of the importance of girl-guy boundaries.

Comedic timing, i suppose, since last night, i essentially said the same thing to one of my guy friends.

i'm lonely here in Montreal. i'm often sad, but much of the time, i feel like other than my counsellor, i have no one to talk to. We recently started a early-career small group at my church. We call it the purgatory fellowship, because we're done university, but not old enough to be constantly talking finances and babies. Yesterday, we had dinner at one of the guy's houses. All six of us. I was the only girl. And there they were, joking about hot girls, and i felt like a fish out of water. As though i had crashed a men's small group.

Even though i was in the midst of people, i felt lonely.

And then i came home, and realized that one of the friendships i have with a close friend here in Montreal needed to change. i love this friend, don't get me wrong. But, oh, i don't know. A lot of the friends i have here in Montreal experience a lot of drama, and to be honest, i think a large part of it comes from a lack of boundaries between men and women. And looking at my own heart, i felt like if i didn't cut something, i'd soon be in trouble. [Most days, i find it distressing to think about what i am going to eat during the day (resulting in eating only one meal per day), so more heart pain is something i feel i'm constantly on the lookout to prevent.]

So, i put up some boundaries, but i'm not gonna lie, i feel like those boundaries will really limit the conversation to more superficial things. Which made me really sad, because i already have few friends that i can talk to as is. The moment i did it, i felt like i missed our friendship already.

Sally: Harry.
Harry:
What?

Sally:
goodbye.





3 commentaires:

宝宝 a dit...

:)

I think that it often (insert synonym of sucks) because once you've made the effort ('sacrifice'?) of putting that boundary and keeping to it, you realize and notice all these other people ... getting too close. I find it tempting... To just let go of the boundary.

:(

Tu peux me parler, à moi :)

... SI tu veux l'opinion d'une adolescente de 16 ans... ou bien si tu veux mes oreilles, ils sont à toi!

宝宝 a dit...

*get too close

宝宝 a dit...

Haha. I'll just stop walking and let you go ahead. :P