Lately, i've been feeling restless and frustrated, but it's one of those things where i can't really pinpoint why i feel so restless.
It's been easier to pinpoint my frustrations, and i feel confident that those frustrations will iron themselves out, but it's less easy to pinpoint why i feel increasingly restless.
What do i actually want?
Is this just a case of boredom? As a kid, i was never really able to focus on one thing for too long. I took drum lessons for three years, got good at it, and then became bored; i was the rock climbing club president for two years, got good at it, and then never rock climbed again; i think i bought a furby once, played with it for two days and then promptly forgot about it in my locker for weeks.
Is this the same deal? i've been doing the same thing full-time for the past 3.5 years, and if you include my involvement in university, it's been over seven years. Am i just bored? Don't get me wrong; i still love meeting up with my girls, going to DG, having spiritual conversations, etc.
i just feel this increasing sense of restlessness... like this can't be all that i'm meant to do.
Do i just need to suck it up and tell myself to persevere, because that's what adults do?
Alongside this restlessness are so many questions that i have yet to answer: should Sam and I buy a place right off the bat? Do I want to live in Montreal for the next 4-5 years? Am I meant to stay on campus for another year, let alone 5 years? If I am, then we ought to buy a place. But do I want to raise kids in Montreal (the finality of that seems daunting..)? The answer to me is no, not really. But what if we decide to stay and then accidentally have a kid? Maybe my restlessness is a test from God to see if i'll persevere? But what if it isn't, and it's actually God preparing me for something new?
Round and round it goes. With no answers.