so i'm back from montreal.
had a blast. great times planning--looking forward to working as an intern this summer. the staff are incredible. there will be some real good partyage going on this summer.
also great times chilling AFTER the planning. fun times included: skating on the st. laurent to michael jackson, going to some alternative rock bar and watching heather and brad and co. smoke a cigar (haha randomness!), witnessing brad return and exclaim "i've been violated! a gay guy hugged me!", going to andy and loni's church on the day that a guy at their church chooses to propose to his now fiancee in front of the whole congregation, lunch with brad and choi at 3 amigos.
and now its back to the real, stressful and scary world. on the train ride back, all i could think of was how i wish i wasn't coming back to Toronto to do school and to do ministry...and how scared i was of the remainder of the semester--i can't stay tired like this, i KNOW i can't handle it.. but for some reason, i'm still struggling to hold on, to do everything..and to do it MY way instead of let things go and being okay with failure. eventually i will let go. or get swallowed by a large fish.
this week is going to be like hell on earth. so...the question then is...why the heck am i blogging?
oy. okay i have to get to work. pray that i remain sane.
not like i'm not insane already.
***
my friend Beth posted the following on her blog, and i found that it resonated...so here it is... any thoughts or opinions? feedback on the subject matter is appreciated--especially from the male gender.
February 11
Thoughts and Questions
The lack of recent postings is evidence both of the amount of things going on around me and the lack of things going on inside of me (my head, that is). Today is a slower day activity-wise, and a busier day mentally (working on two assignments and I wrote a quiz earlier...) But my real mental meandering has little or nothing to do with school. These thoughts are prompted in part by personal experiences and mostly by three conversations this past week.
These thoughts have to do with boys.
I thought at one point that I sort of understood boys. Actually, no. I assumed that I understood boys because I understand girls, and I thought boys and girls weren’t that different.
They are. I now understand that boys do not think like girls, and that in many situations we communicate and interact so differently that we may not really be communicating at all. We act on different motives, strive for different aims, and struggle with different manifestations of our self-centred nature (at least, when it comes to relationships- in some other areas we are identical, I think).
Here is my current dilemma.
Apparently it is neither uncommon nor abnormal for boys to like a girl, pursue her, get her (to one degree or another), and then, for no apparent or known reason, discover they don't want her quite as desperately as they did.
I thought about this and wondered if girls do the same thing, but I don’t think so. I mean, the girls I know don’t. Once we’re interested in a guy, it’s rare for those emotions to just go away unexplicably. There have been many, many times I’ve realized that qualities A, B, and C have rendered guy X completely unattractive to me, but it’s rare for a girl to be in a relationship where her feelings just dissipates with no "cause." [*maybe my experiences are skewed and girls really do have this...feel free to correct me]
So why isn’t that the case for boys? Are they just afraid to say that actually, they don’t like the girl for specific reasons? (Understandable if they are. I would be.) Or is it really common and "normal" for guys to go from in love to uninterested?
Jerks! or so I used to think. The problem is that I know too many quality guys who have gone/are going through this for me to write them all off as jerks. Guys who are seeking God, who treat girls with respect and kindness, who are concerned that they are breaking girls’ hearts. I’ve seen their lives and they’re by no means completely irresponsible, self-centred children. If they were, I could just roll my eyes and write them off and not be friends with them. I’m very tempted to, but I don’t think it’s fair – that would assume that I understand boys and know that they do this maliciously. Which may or my not be true. So I won’t write them off. And I’ll admit that I don’t get it.
I don’t get it. I really don’t understand how it happens, whether it’s two weeks, two months, or two years into a relationship.
If this is one of the hazards of dating, no wonder guys fear commitment. No wonder girls do too. I do. What would compel me to give my heart to a guy who may or may not still want it down the road? How does a guy know when to take the risk of getting involved with a girl instead of just waiting it out?
For me, it comes back to this: If love is a choice, what role do emotions play?
I don’t know.
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4 commentaires:
"For me, it comes back to this: If love is a choice, what role do emotions play?"
I don't think love *is* a choice.
Furthermore, people often lose focus of what's most important to them - as I'm sure you're aware - and other issues might make them forget that maybe love is / was the only thing that they really had to keep everything together. I've spent the past six months trying to put it into words, and I haven't really figured it out yet.
...that was a bit of a sidetrack.
I think that a lot of guys are just looking to have fun in a relationship, especially at this stage in their lives, and don't want to make a big commitment. The distinction, in that case, is that while girls might also be wanting to 'have fun', there's a lot more pressure for a girl, even just societal pressure, to be the more-committed member of the pair. As a result, they inevitably start thinking about the future, and ultimately, what's the point of being with someone if you can't see yourself spending the rest of your life with them? A lot of guys are going to freak out if they're confronted with that.
On the other hand, there are a lot of guys who share that same mindset - if I can't at least imagine myself being with someone for the rest of my life, I have a hard time seeing the point...the whole relationship, once that thought has gotten into my head, becomes a delay of the inevitable. Obviously there are other factors, and people make mistakes sometimes, but regardless of the situation, the guy who breaks up with someone and doesn't feel like total shit at least for a little while (pardon my French) is a rare creature.
...that may have brought up more questions than it answered. In my experience (and I'm not a girl, so there's a chance that I could be completely off-base), 'bad breakups' are almost exclusively caused by the inability of the guy to explain the reason behind the breakup. That's the worst part about the guy in situation #2 - the explanation is almost completely unfathomable. There's no single reason why you can't see yourself spending the rest of your life with someone, and I think hearing that alone as an explanation is pretty much the equivalent of "it's not you, it's me" - occasionally true, but completely unbelievable. People need to feel like they're in control, and that explanation completely takes that out of the equation.
...yeah. If that made no sense, then I suppose that's a reflection of the fact that it's somewhat of a tricky subject. Also, it's 3:30 in the morning, I'm having computer troubles, and my roommate is snoring quite loudly.
I definitely think girls go through that as well. It is rather unfortuante. Hmm. But yeah, I wonder if it really happens for "no reason at all". I think a lot of times it takes a longer time for things to sink in, for decisions and feelings to make sense. Even if they are our own. It might seem like it's happening for no reason at all. But time and thought brings more insight.
And love...hmm. I do believe that it is a choice. It can and IS accompanied by emotions, strong ones at that. But I don't think you can just stop loving someone out of nowhere. I think if you feel like you cannot love someone it is because you have stopped wanting to show them love and have stopped being loving. I defintely believe that it is a choice.
The main problem, in my humble opinion, lies in society's current attitudes towards romance. Today, Evangelical Christianity has been permeated with its principles.
Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. – 1 Corinthians 10:31
My belief is that most Christians have not applied this Biblical command to their relationships, and have thus engaged in as many romantic prospects as they have seen fit to fulfil their “emotional needs”. Most Christians would be quite perplexed as to how Paul could possibly attach the metaphor of Christ and the Church to the institute of marriage (Ephesians 5) (I refer to both male and female Christians).
Therefore, the majority of romantic relationships (Christian and atheist alike) are selfish. The discovery that its realization does not satisfy the human soul is a gift of God. That women might (though I have yet to see any statistics showing so) indulge longer in these relationships is hardly a mark of virtue.
Speaking from experience, I will state that it is possible to consider a potential relationship for selfish reasons and to then submit to God’s commands that we seek a greater Joy. In this submission, God has in the past eliminated the feelings that existed previously to reveal that they were not a means of enjoying Him, and thus are evidence of Sin. I apologize for my gender if these revelations occur too late.
a brother pursuing Holiness to serve his sisters for God's Glory,
-Adam
hehe yes, yes it is :)
her blog is on that msn space thingy...so you have to sign into msn
http://spaces.msn.com/baha1985/blog
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