Low on the Go!

tautology

Girl.
i met her one day, not so long, but long ago. i must've been fifteen at the time and i was young, naive and innocent. i had never had a boyfriend; she started dating when she was in grade eight. We met through a friend, and i never thought we could ever become friends. She was just too different; our life constructs were worlds apart. It's funny, as i wrote that last sentence, i looked down at the open textbook in front of me, of which i have sixty-eight pages to read before my exam tomorrow, and i notice that the title of the chapter is: worlds apart.

i digress.

i did not feel as though i had to get to know her. She lived in one city, i in another. We were separated by a four hour plane ride. Somehow, an acquaintanceship began. i was tangled in a web; her boyfriend became one of my close friends for a short while; her ex-boyfriend later became one of my best friends until second year university. Sometimes, i would leave anonymous comments on her blog. Other times, i would come right out and reveal my identity. This is how we stayed in touch.

The year i turned seventeen both of us moved to Toronto, and she was the only person i knew. We met up from time to time. Civilities. Perhaps we also reminded each other a bit of home.


Boy.
i met him sometime towards the end of first year. i had decided to go on a missions project. He too had decided to go on the same trip. It was beneficial for us to get to know each other; we knew no one else who was going.
I was seventeen, and we sat inside a chinese restaurant south of Dundas on Spadina. I ordered wonton noodles and a red bean and coconut drink. He ordered something else. I faced the row of hanging barbecued ducks which occluded the full view of the outside world. He must have been wearing green pants.
He tried my drink and winced with disdain. I cleaned off my straw with a napkin.

i am now twenty. Throughout these four years, we have become good friends. i would say that he is one of my best friends. He is like my older brother. In third year, we met up almost every tuesday for lunch. This semester, we meet thursdays. We joke about the past and we eat. i try not to think about the future, because out of many friends, he will be someone i will truly miss. He is offensive, funny and caring.

Girl.
At the end of first year, we decided to live together. We used to sit together and talk about boys. Out in the living room, our other roommate would join us, and we'd talk. We'd watch TV together, eat cake on our birthdays. We would complain about how a mutual friend did not keep in touch as he should.

Something happened at the end of second year. My other roommate and i would watch TV in the living room, but girl would watch the same show in her room. We'd laugh together, she in her room, us in the living room. Soon, she would close her door during the day, and we no longer heard her laugh. Then, she was always gone. i think, in some ways, i reminded her of a past she wanted to leave behind.



Today i met up with boy for our thursday lunch. We walked around, as per usual, wandering, attempting to decide where to eat; indecision has plagued our weekly lunch meetings since we started hanging out. We walked around and ended up south of dundas on Spadina. We ended up at the restaurant, and though we sat on the right side of the room this time, i still ended up facing the ducks, which still obstructed the view of Spadina Ave. We ordered different dishes, but i still got the red bean coconut drink, and he still tried it, still winced with disdain, and i still cleaned off the straw with my napkin.

Today i read my roommate's blog. i had left an anonymous comment some weeks ago, and she had just replied. She no longer lives at home, though she pays rent. Her room door is now open, but the room is often not graced with her presence. It is just the way it was before we were friends. Acquaintances, but only because of some sort of tangled web. We are separated by distance, but this distance is not a four hour plane ride. This is the kind of distance that cannot even be bridged like a two hour divide in time and a four hour divide in space can.
We communicate via email, but only when necessary. i'm still single. she has a boyfriend.
i no longer feel as though i need to be her friend, but i look back, and miss the days when we would sit together, eating cake, and enjoy each other's company.

It is funny how life has come back to the very place where it all began, almost four years ago. I'm still blogging when i ought to be studying.

tautology indeed.