Sacrifice.
No appointments.
Boredom.
Today, I had a headache. In Toronto, I would have scoffed and ignored it. Here, I had hours which stretched on to take a nap.
I woke up.
Facebook.
A classmate of mine had put up pictures. He is in New York now. He was accepted to Columbia for law school.
My former roommate is also in New York. She was accepted to NYU for a master's program.
I could have been them.
I could be in New York, doing the student thing that's always seen in movies.
I could be living their lives.
I look at mine. Sleeping in till 9am. Waking up with hours of nothing to do. Sitting at my computer more than half the time. Hoping that people will be merciful and agree to meet up with me.
It's a humdrum life right now, and I lack vision.
I gave up dreams of being a lawyer, going to law school in New York.
All so I could sit here and type up this blog...because I have nothing better to do.
Today, I wonder why I gave up those dreams.
For these five minutes, I feel resentful.
But it will be a fleeting feeling, because I know where He has called me. I know He has called me to forsake those dreams for something better.
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2 commentaires:
I feel you. I was just telling supporters last night about how post-grad dreams pop up now and then. Then I came home and the first blog I read was about a grad address to the high school I would have gone to if God did not move my family abruptly to Canada. It pretty much symbolized all of my worldly ambitions. Then I think of my distant cousins who went to Ivy Leagues and I felt a twinge.
Thanks for your honesty. It's probably quite healthy to acknowledge that you feel that way to yourself, but also helpful for the rest of us staffers/support raisers/anyone who has ever given up something for something else.
:)
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