Today, in class, we watched what i would deem perhaps the most emotionally disturbing, distressing documentary i have ever seen.
(sorry anonymous..i changed the link)
lundi, juillet 31, 2006
dimanche, juillet 30, 2006
HAHAHHAHAHAHAH.
on a lighter more fun (or not so fun) note....
i'm a WARTHOG.
oh man, you gotta read what my 'personality' test results came out to be...
http://www.animalinyou.com/Warthog.htm
on a lighter more fun (or not so fun) note....
i'm a WARTHOG.
oh man, you gotta read what my 'personality' test results came out to be...
http://www.animalinyou.com/Warthog.htm
samedi, juillet 29, 2006
fantastical friday.
Well, yesterday was some SUPER fun times ^_^
So, lets do a photoblog day. Special thanks to Mr. Robinson and Miss. Jasoomani for being oh so wonderful photographers.
Well, yesterday was some SUPER fun times ^_^
So, lets do a photoblog day. Special thanks to Mr. Robinson and Miss. Jasoomani for being oh so wonderful photographers.
The evening started off with Pri, Jasmine, Aban and Joshua Robinson coming over for a potluck dinner. mmm. we were going to eat on the roof, but alas it was pretty stinking hot outside. So we crammed into my little solarium. It was a pretty tight fit, and without tables there was some spillage. But definitely too much fun. MMMM...samosas. MMM..salad (btw, joshua robinson..i bought a pear guava vinaigrette today...its FANTABULOUS. you'll have to try it. i think it even beats your orange sesame dressing). Mmm. cream thingies. i think they were called Malai or something?
Quote of the night: "umm so what are these things?"
"err, they're made out of cream...they're called malai"
"they taste familiar, what are they?"
"malai."
"so what are they"
"malai! i already told you this."
haha. good times. i googled it. here you go joshua robinson...now you can know what they are.
From my house, we headed out to go to the Beaches Jazz Festival. Our trip there included forgetting to get transfers and having to go to King Station to get transfers and then BACK to Queen station. It also included me discovering that i am too short to hold on to the top handle bars on the TTC. And it also included me being able to understand Chinese and not English..and Pri being able to understand English (though she thinks it was Chinese). It also included waiting for the stinking streetcar for a massively long time.
Here's us waiting for the streetcar.
Here we are...still waiting....
FINALLY!!
While we were on the streetcar, a woman from Paris asked me for directions...which led into a conversation where i had the chance to practice my french skills! WOOT.
We finally got there...
And listened to some AMAZING musicians...
Walked around for a bit..
At which point...Aban and i decided to get a bit lost and venture into a WONDERFUL LAND. a MAGICAL land. a land of VESPAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We caught back up with the group...and listened to some fabulous spanish guys....hahah, we also watched a corpulent man with a native headdress dance around in front of the spanish people....
But the sad part, was saying goodbye to Aban, Pri and Jasmine.
They missed by far, the BEST set of the night.... Dr. Draw..
During the first set, we bumped into Joshua Robinson's sister, her husband and daughter. His niece was SUCH a tease. She would walk up to me..as though she wanted to sit on my lap..and then stumble back to Joshua Robinson's lap. She did this multiple times...but finally braved the unchartered territory (otherwise known as lydia's lap) and plopped right down into my lap as Dr. Draw's first set ended.
We loved Dr. Draw...and watched him for two sets!!! In between the two sets we made it down to the beach, stood on some rocks and looked at the stars--it was the first time i had seen stars in Toronto!!!
We left after his second set (last show of the night), headed back to my place where Joshua proceeded to attempt to read my French Bible. haha, it was good times.
So, all round...fantastic times. Aban, Pri and Jasmine, i wish you guys could've stayed longer.
but we definitely need to make more dates like this. Aban...vespa-age must happen. Pri, we must play DDR when J gets back. Joshua, some jammage must happen sometime soon.
okay, that took me a TREMENDOUSLY long time. so i'm going to go eat dinner now and start studying. BAM!
Sorry...the layout of pictures and explanations is pretty wonky, and i'm too tired to figure out the html.
so you'll have to deal. i know you will.
love muchly!
ohhh i am SOOO going to this.
its going to be A GONG SHOW OF MAGICALNESS AND FUN.
***
speaking of magical-ness and fun...
that was pretty much tonight.
had a great time. pictures and an update to come. (aban, i stole yours off of facebook..thanks for being so prompt!!!... joshua robinson..make sure to send me those pictures!!!)
its going to be A GONG SHOW OF MAGICALNESS AND FUN.
***
speaking of magical-ness and fun...
that was pretty much tonight.
had a great time. pictures and an update to come. (aban, i stole yours off of facebook..thanks for being so prompt!!!... joshua robinson..make sure to send me those pictures!!!)
jeudi, juillet 27, 2006
my muscles are SO going to pwn tomorrow.
3.5 hours of sleep, 20km of bike riding and 1.5 hours of rowing on the water.
but its ALL worth it to hear the water splash against the oars.
there's NOTHING like it.
***
SO excited for tomorrow! i get to meet the lovely aban, AND party with amazingly chill people.
this is a GRAND summer.
p.s. while i was out on the water, shelly, i saw some DBRers. wow they were definitely powerful. haha but rowing is just so much better ^_^ graceful and refined. its not called the rich man's sport for nothing! haha lubju shelly.
3.5 hours of sleep, 20km of bike riding and 1.5 hours of rowing on the water.
but its ALL worth it to hear the water splash against the oars.
there's NOTHING like it.
***
SO excited for tomorrow! i get to meet the lovely aban, AND party with amazingly chill people.
this is a GRAND summer.
p.s. while i was out on the water, shelly, i saw some DBRers. wow they were definitely powerful. haha but rowing is just so much better ^_^ graceful and refined. its not called the rich man's sport for nothing! haha lubju shelly.
mercredi, juillet 26, 2006
hmm, i put up a pretty frustrated blog last night about my relationship with friends who are guys....and i know i put it up pretty late...so not that many people read it. i've taken it down since, but i realize that there are some people who DID get the chance to read it, and so i thought i would address what i spoke of--in a bit more of a rational, calm way.
as a caveat (haha, i seem to have lots of caveats on this blog these days), i'm not speaking about one particular person; it must be noted that i have gotten this comment from multiple guy friends. Thus, this isn't an attempt to bash my guy friends or anything of the sort.
Recently i've had numerous guy friends who have used the line "you're a nice girl, lydia. but i could never be interested in you-- you're practically a boy to me."
i'm pretty tired of comments like these, and i'm not sure that they are encouraging or edifying.
"you are a godly woman, lydia. but i'm not attracted to you most of the time, i don't even see you as a girl."
i question how a comment like this is at all edifying. do not get me wrong, i am not saying this because i'm disappointed that these guy friends of mine are not attracted to me (far from it!); i love these guys as brothers, and whether or not they're attracted to me...i'll STILL continue to love them as brothers. nevertheless, i still find comments like these hurtful.
its as though BECAUSE nothing will ever happen between us, they've stopped thinking of me as what God created me to be--a woman. And underlying these comments is the sense that i'm not good enough AS a woman, for them to like me. That i would never match up to qualities they want in a wife. i am no proverbs 31 woman (though i strive to grow more and more like Christ and to become a Titus 2 woman)...but when guys make comments like "i could NEVER EVER fall for you in a million years" or tell me that i'm like another brother, its as though they are saying that i will never be a proverbs 31 woman and...literally that i'm not even PERCEIVED as a woman.
why don't guys just tell me that i'm like a sister to them? is it supposed to be a good thing that i'm like a boy to them? that i could never meet the standard that they have for what they want in a wife?
am i completely off base here?
i know that i have a larger proportion of guy friends, than i have girlfriends (although, i'd definitely say that i have closer, deeper and more intimate relationships with my girlfriends)....but i personally don't think i'm doing anything to make myself seem less feminine (?)
At any rate, perhaps this is just a mountain out of a molehill, and i'm getting myself worked up about nothing. But in all honesty, receiving these comments are less than delightful and less than edifying...and i would exhort all my brothers to rethink the way they think about females who are their friends. Yes, we may not end up marrying you, but as brothers, it is your duty and privilege to allow us to practice being reverent in behaviour, teaching what is good, to be self-controlled, and kind. when you start thinking of your girlfriends as "just another guy", you are robbing us of the chance to practice being a woman and you rob us of the chance to live out our God-given role.ultimately, you are also robbing the brother that we might someday marry by undermining our role as women, simply because you aren't attracted to us Josh Harris says it well: "before we're husbands and wives, we're brothers and sisters in Christ who rehearse together God's definition of masculinity and femininity."
"Treat younger men like brothers, older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity." ~1 Timothy 5:1b-2
so allow us to be women and stop thinking of us as being "just like your brother"..because those are two very different things.
done and done.
oh as an addendum, if y'all boys have any comments/suggestions as to how females can really embrace their femininity and help men to think of them as women..i would love to hear!! i think this mild rebuke to most of my guy friends can end up being a really edifying way to help each other out in embracing our God-given roles.
as a caveat (haha, i seem to have lots of caveats on this blog these days), i'm not speaking about one particular person; it must be noted that i have gotten this comment from multiple guy friends. Thus, this isn't an attempt to bash my guy friends or anything of the sort.
Recently i've had numerous guy friends who have used the line "you're a nice girl, lydia. but i could never be interested in you-- you're practically a boy to me."
i'm pretty tired of comments like these, and i'm not sure that they are encouraging or edifying.
"you are a godly woman, lydia. but i'm not attracted to you most of the time, i don't even see you as a girl."
i question how a comment like this is at all edifying. do not get me wrong, i am not saying this because i'm disappointed that these guy friends of mine are not attracted to me (far from it!); i love these guys as brothers, and whether or not they're attracted to me...i'll STILL continue to love them as brothers. nevertheless, i still find comments like these hurtful.
its as though BECAUSE nothing will ever happen between us, they've stopped thinking of me as what God created me to be--a woman. And underlying these comments is the sense that i'm not good enough AS a woman, for them to like me. That i would never match up to qualities they want in a wife. i am no proverbs 31 woman (though i strive to grow more and more like Christ and to become a Titus 2 woman)...but when guys make comments like "i could NEVER EVER fall for you in a million years" or tell me that i'm like another brother, its as though they are saying that i will never be a proverbs 31 woman and...literally that i'm not even PERCEIVED as a woman.
why don't guys just tell me that i'm like a sister to them? is it supposed to be a good thing that i'm like a boy to them? that i could never meet the standard that they have for what they want in a wife?
am i completely off base here?
i know that i have a larger proportion of guy friends, than i have girlfriends (although, i'd definitely say that i have closer, deeper and more intimate relationships with my girlfriends)....but i personally don't think i'm doing anything to make myself seem less feminine (?)
At any rate, perhaps this is just a mountain out of a molehill, and i'm getting myself worked up about nothing. But in all honesty, receiving these comments are less than delightful and less than edifying...and i would exhort all my brothers to rethink the way they think about females who are their friends. Yes, we may not end up marrying you, but as brothers, it is your duty and privilege to allow us to practice being reverent in behaviour, teaching what is good, to be self-controlled, and kind. when you start thinking of your girlfriends as "just another guy", you are robbing us of the chance to practice being a woman and you rob us of the chance to live out our God-given role.ultimately, you are also robbing the brother that we might someday marry by undermining our role as women, simply because you aren't attracted to us Josh Harris says it well: "before we're husbands and wives, we're brothers and sisters in Christ who rehearse together God's definition of masculinity and femininity."
"Treat younger men like brothers, older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity." ~1 Timothy 5:1b-2
so allow us to be women and stop thinking of us as being "just like your brother"..because those are two very different things.
done and done.
oh as an addendum, if y'all boys have any comments/suggestions as to how females can really embrace their femininity and help men to think of them as women..i would love to hear!! i think this mild rebuke to most of my guy friends can end up being a really edifying way to help each other out in embracing our God-given roles.
lundi, juillet 24, 2006
Lydia's weekend (and monday) of fun.
after a week of studying...lydia temporarily stopped being a "proverbial stick in the mud" and had a ton of fun on the weekend. but now...its back to the grindstone...with only snapshots to remember the non-stick-in-the-mud days.
FRIDAY:
after a week of studying...lydia temporarily stopped being a "proverbial stick in the mud" and had a ton of fun on the weekend. but now...its back to the grindstone...with only snapshots to remember the non-stick-in-the-mud days.
FRIDAY:
- hung out with frankencense in the early afternoon-- fun times at pac mall, covert operations to UTScarborough's timmy ho's...and vegetable shopping.
- met up with Louis for a Worship Ministry Leaders' meeting
- hung out with Warren, Arthur and Frank...where they proceeded to violate my cucumber. good times.
- Went to Ryan Lawrence's FANTASTIC cooking party. i wish i took more pictures there.
(L-R:Joshua Robinson, err..some girl with really rad shoes, Lydia and Ryan)
On the TTC ride home from Ryan Lawrence's FANTABULOUS cooking kitchen party.
SATURDAY
- On Saturday, Joshua and i were supposed to go biking..but it rained. Instead, we hit up kensington market and had a HUGE brunch, which i took an age and a half to eat. mm. yay for grilled veggies!
SUNDAY
Sunday morning, i went to church and was greeted by MANY people...the vast majority actually...with "so...i heard about your cucumber." i go to a great church. too bad i have no pictures. Actually...here's one from a couple of years ago. Frank and Francis decided to dress like nerds one sunday morning. i think this was my second or third time at NCAC. it was also the day i decided that i wanted to keep on attending NCAC permanently.
MONDAY
- Speaking of godly people, today pri and i had the chance to meet up with miss. amanda wong, who is a completely lovely girl. We had fun times going to McDo for breakfast..arriving in time to find out that breakfast ends at 10:30...not 11!! pfft. It was great meeting up with Amanda and chatting it up. She is definitely a sweetie and a half.
MONDAY EVENING:
- got one of my midterm marks back today...i pretty much bombed it and ended up with a 75%, despite getting a 90% on the multiple choice. now, usually, this would have devastated me...but today, i am actually praising God! the reason? well.. because of my mark, i was able to solidify a friendship with one of the girls in my class that i've been trying to befriend. We were able to grumble together (there's something about grumbling that seems to aid in the bonding process that girls go through) and just talk! i know that i would not have been able to identify with her and had i not done poorly on the exam. So....for the first time, i am praising God for the 75% i received!! When i wrote the exam, i prayed that He would use it to glorify Himself...and i think that's what my mark on this exam has done; He has provided me with another friend to share the gospel with. All because of a crappy mark on an exam. Cha-ching.
- now i'm feeling a bit stressed out. i have a huge paper due Thursday, a girls' bible study to prep for tomorrow, and rowing to figure out. BUT, i refuse to feel guilty for taking a break this weekend. it was a much needed rest and i had a great deal of fun. i feel that i learned a great deal more about who Jesus is and His love for us by spending time with His children--and that's FAR better than being antisocial and having a relationship only with my textbooks.
- too bad i have to become a proverbial stick in the mud again. oh well, what can you do.
Advice for boys from the "anonymous duo". aka yanks and dilo.
caveat: in reading this, understand that we are in no way implying that this is the be all and end all, and that this subject is wholly black and white. Rather, there are some causes of confusion and frustration that girls face in their relationships with guys and we are simply putting forth some ways that this confusion may be minimized. This is all in the context of a relationship in which expectations have not been explicitly discussed. Noteworthy, though priyanka and lydia are brilliant people, we don't presume to know what we're speaking of...and we're drawing from minimal experience (and the experiences of other girlfriends). As you read the following, please understand that hindsight changes many factors--and these are factors that we may not be putting into consideration in our discussion.
....
SO... yanks and lyds started to attempt to cover the concept of "acceptable behaviour" when it comes to girl-guy relationships, as you can see by our caveat (which we decided to leave up to show how hard we attempted to work on it)....
but we realized that we really know nothing, and that Lydia's years of delilahood did nothing to help us figure guys out.
we conclude that relationships are a sticky and complicated mess even before they begin (and its usually the guys' fault...haha. just kidding. *~_^*)
therefore...best of luck to ALL guys who are beginning/in the process or wearing their hearts on their sleeves. we commend you..because seriously? man...we wouldn't want to have to do that. ever. good for you!
caveat: in reading this, understand that we are in no way implying that this is the be all and end all, and that this subject is wholly black and white. Rather, there are some causes of confusion and frustration that girls face in their relationships with guys and we are simply putting forth some ways that this confusion may be minimized. This is all in the context of a relationship in which expectations have not been explicitly discussed. Noteworthy, though priyanka and lydia are brilliant people, we don't presume to know what we're speaking of...and we're drawing from minimal experience (and the experiences of other girlfriends). As you read the following, please understand that hindsight changes many factors--and these are factors that we may not be putting into consideration in our discussion.
....
SO... yanks and lyds started to attempt to cover the concept of "acceptable behaviour" when it comes to girl-guy relationships, as you can see by our caveat (which we decided to leave up to show how hard we attempted to work on it)....
but we realized that we really know nothing, and that Lydia's years of delilahood did nothing to help us figure guys out.
we conclude that relationships are a sticky and complicated mess even before they begin (and its usually the guys' fault...haha. just kidding. *~_^*)
therefore...best of luck to ALL guys who are beginning/in the process or wearing their hearts on their sleeves. we commend you..because seriously? man...we wouldn't want to have to do that. ever. good for you!
dimanche, juillet 23, 2006
so.... i was settling down for my sunday afternoon nap when i hear knocking on the door.
i open it, and in comes security and maintenance.
then, before i know it... the maintenance dude pulls out a knife and CUTS A HOLE IN OUR CEILING!
so, my face is horrified...and the security guy laughs at me.
i ask, "what will my landlord say?"
he says, "don't worry, its a leak in the building...it'll be covered by maintenance."
then the maintenance guy takes out a hammer...and removes our TILES from the shower wall!! THEN he cuts ANOTHER HOLE!!!
we pay $2000/month for...GHETTS.
THEY BETTER FIX THESE HOLES!
so, for your viewing pleasure....
i open it, and in comes security and maintenance.
then, before i know it... the maintenance dude pulls out a knife and CUTS A HOLE IN OUR CEILING!
so, my face is horrified...and the security guy laughs at me.
i ask, "what will my landlord say?"
he says, "don't worry, its a leak in the building...it'll be covered by maintenance."
then the maintenance guy takes out a hammer...and removes our TILES from the shower wall!! THEN he cuts ANOTHER HOLE!!!
we pay $2000/month for...GHETTS.
THEY BETTER FIX THESE HOLES!
so, for your viewing pleasure....
samedi, juillet 22, 2006
read this a couple of days ago, and found it an interesting read. even though its addressed to guys, i think it is highly applicable for women as well. single or in a relationship.
***
THIS IS AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS.
***
other fun times:
MSN with my good friend Warren G.
"i'm a certain type of person?"
"i just mean the stuff you like. that artsy nonsense and all"
"what constitutes artsy nonsense?"
"ballet, theatre and...nose rings....uhh i'm having a mental block right now"
"you've never even been to a ballet. you can't jest about it."
"i don't need to go to a public reading of poetry to know i wouldn't like it"
...
"you're my friend. you should want me to be happy. and so if a nose ring makes me happy, it should consequently make you happy too"
"that is dumb. if you got a tatoo on your face of king kong, i'd tell you it was dumb too...even if it made you happy."
"maybe i SHOULD get a tatoo of king kong on my face. maybe it would be artsy nonsense."
"no, king kong is not artsy."
***
THIS IS AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS.
***
other fun times:
MSN with my good friend Warren G.
"i'm a certain type of person?"
"i just mean the stuff you like. that artsy nonsense and all"
"what constitutes artsy nonsense?"
"ballet, theatre and...nose rings....uhh i'm having a mental block right now"
"you've never even been to a ballet. you can't jest about it."
"i don't need to go to a public reading of poetry to know i wouldn't like it"
...
"you're my friend. you should want me to be happy. and so if a nose ring makes me happy, it should consequently make you happy too"
"that is dumb. if you got a tatoo on your face of king kong, i'd tell you it was dumb too...even if it made you happy."
"maybe i SHOULD get a tatoo of king kong on my face. maybe it would be artsy nonsense."
"no, king kong is not artsy."
vendredi, juillet 21, 2006
(i've received some comments that my blog isn't as personal as it once was....i don't know if i agree..but here's something super personal...i guess.)
loneliness has always followed me around like a shadow.
inevitable, i suppose--i AM an only child.
Growing up, i preferred reading to anything else...and i would spend hours reading. i often had difficulty making friends; people always saw me as the "smart girl"...the girl who "skipped a grade". Even to this day, when i see people from elementary/jr.high school, they won't remember who i am...unless i tack on the ending "you know...i was that girl who skipped a grade??"
making friends has always been difficult.
at church, i never really felt as though i fit in. there were a multitude of kids my age who were super prep, well dressed and really into fashion. then there were the "smart kids"...which is synonymous with "competitive kids" (yeah, you know...chinese churches!). you would have thought that i would have fit in with the latter group, but i was always the one who was the one TO be competed with.
a memory. in the parking lot. at recess. my best friend from grade 4 and i.
i don't think we should be friends anymore.
why not?
because you're in grade 6 now, and i'm in grade 5.
but we can still be friends...
no, we can't. you have to make your own friends, and i have to find some new ones.
that was the end of that.
in junior high, i went to a different high school than the majority of chinese kids my age--my parents (with great wisdom) wanted to send me to a school where i wouldn't have the pressure of competing--intellectually or fashion-wise...and to this day, i am grateful. at that school, i had the opportunity to do everything that i loved--music, dance AND academics. and the greatest thing was that for the first time i had a solid group of friends. but loneliness continued to follow me around like a shadow. until grade 10, i was the only one among all my friends who was a Christian...and i longed for someone who could talk to me about these things.
fastforward to university. my parents urged me to move away from home--and again, i am SO grateful for their wisdom and insight. in coming to university, by God's grace, i was able to break out of my shell and become friends with some marvelous people. for the first time in my life, i was able to have close fellowship and accountability. and i've loved it.
but loneliness was still something pervasive in my life. it IS something pervasive in my life. deep down, i believe it stems from insecurity in my life--not believing that people could actually love me...for ME...and not because i'm the "smart girl that skipped a grade." Often times, i fill my schedule...pack it full..so that i can avoid the pangs of not knowing anyone to hang out with...or feeling as though people would not want to spend time with me. However, since project this year, i've really been praying that Abba would release me from this bondage of lonelieness. In a sense, i am grateful this feeling of loneliness. it has caused me to rely on God and cry out to Him more than anyone else. i have a feeling it is preparing me for what is to come later on in life. But, these past 3 months have been a fight to trust in His love, trust that my friends are my friends..because they want to BE my friends..and a fight to ignore the whispers that constantly bombard my mind.
The most amazing thing is that i truly believe my prayers are being answered. God has provided me with people who envelop me with love...just when i need it. He has released me from the fear of getting to know new people and learning to share my life with others. i've never made so many new friends in one summer! Its my first summer in TO...perhaps my last...but it is has been a phenomenal summer thus far...(almost as good as last year) and i am grateful that while loneliness follows me around like a shadow, Christ is in me and gives life to my mortal body through His spirit who dwells in me. He is, thankfully, at work in my life and in the lives of brothers and sisters around me teaching us to love and allowing us to understand love to the fullest degree. Oh, that He would love me SO much and desire me to know Him that He would die for me--this is a marvelous thing!
loneliness has always followed me around like a shadow.
inevitable, i suppose--i AM an only child.
Growing up, i preferred reading to anything else...and i would spend hours reading. i often had difficulty making friends; people always saw me as the "smart girl"...the girl who "skipped a grade". Even to this day, when i see people from elementary/jr.high school, they won't remember who i am...unless i tack on the ending "you know...i was that girl who skipped a grade??"
making friends has always been difficult.
at church, i never really felt as though i fit in. there were a multitude of kids my age who were super prep, well dressed and really into fashion. then there were the "smart kids"...which is synonymous with "competitive kids" (yeah, you know...chinese churches!). you would have thought that i would have fit in with the latter group, but i was always the one who was the one TO be competed with.
a memory. in the parking lot. at recess. my best friend from grade 4 and i.
i don't think we should be friends anymore.
why not?
because you're in grade 6 now, and i'm in grade 5.
but we can still be friends...
no, we can't. you have to make your own friends, and i have to find some new ones.
that was the end of that.
in junior high, i went to a different high school than the majority of chinese kids my age--my parents (with great wisdom) wanted to send me to a school where i wouldn't have the pressure of competing--intellectually or fashion-wise...and to this day, i am grateful. at that school, i had the opportunity to do everything that i loved--music, dance AND academics. and the greatest thing was that for the first time i had a solid group of friends. but loneliness continued to follow me around like a shadow. until grade 10, i was the only one among all my friends who was a Christian...and i longed for someone who could talk to me about these things.
fastforward to university. my parents urged me to move away from home--and again, i am SO grateful for their wisdom and insight. in coming to university, by God's grace, i was able to break out of my shell and become friends with some marvelous people. for the first time in my life, i was able to have close fellowship and accountability. and i've loved it.
but loneliness was still something pervasive in my life. it IS something pervasive in my life. deep down, i believe it stems from insecurity in my life--not believing that people could actually love me...for ME...and not because i'm the "smart girl that skipped a grade." Often times, i fill my schedule...pack it full..so that i can avoid the pangs of not knowing anyone to hang out with...or feeling as though people would not want to spend time with me. However, since project this year, i've really been praying that Abba would release me from this bondage of lonelieness. In a sense, i am grateful this feeling of loneliness. it has caused me to rely on God and cry out to Him more than anyone else. i have a feeling it is preparing me for what is to come later on in life. But, these past 3 months have been a fight to trust in His love, trust that my friends are my friends..because they want to BE my friends..and a fight to ignore the whispers that constantly bombard my mind.
The most amazing thing is that i truly believe my prayers are being answered. God has provided me with people who envelop me with love...just when i need it. He has released me from the fear of getting to know new people and learning to share my life with others. i've never made so many new friends in one summer! Its my first summer in TO...perhaps my last...but it is has been a phenomenal summer thus far...(almost as good as last year) and i am grateful that while loneliness follows me around like a shadow, Christ is in me and gives life to my mortal body through His spirit who dwells in me. He is, thankfully, at work in my life and in the lives of brothers and sisters around me teaching us to love and allowing us to understand love to the fullest degree. Oh, that He would love me SO much and desire me to know Him that He would die for me--this is a marvelous thing!
mercredi, juillet 19, 2006
dear right hand,
i am so sorry that i have been making you cramp up for the past couple of days. i am sorry that when my drum teacher told me to become ambidextrous, i did not really attempt to. now you have to reap the seeds i have sown, and i know it is a trying time for you.
please forgive me for this abuse i have caused you.
i know you are already ugly from writing callouses and what will soon be rowing callouses.
but know that i love you and need you. so stay nice and malleable for me.
soon i will use you to play a nice tune on the violin and i know you will enjoy that very much.
but please hold out for the next 16 hours.
with much love,
lydia.
i am so sorry that i have been making you cramp up for the past couple of days. i am sorry that when my drum teacher told me to become ambidextrous, i did not really attempt to. now you have to reap the seeds i have sown, and i know it is a trying time for you.
please forgive me for this abuse i have caused you.
i know you are already ugly from writing callouses and what will soon be rowing callouses.
but know that i love you and need you. so stay nice and malleable for me.
soon i will use you to play a nice tune on the violin and i know you will enjoy that very much.
but please hold out for the next 16 hours.
with much love,
lydia.
An english translation of the e-mail below from Katerine...sorry...my translating skills aren't up to par...so...obviously the words "lost in translation" are fitting. please continue to pray for Katerine and Vaughan.
On Saturday morning, we left the residence to live with the other Canadians in Hamra, in case of a possible evacuation of our group of interns. After leaving some superfluous baggage and packing the food we had purchased at the beginning of the week, Genvieve and i left our rooms and Vaughan accompanied us to live near to the American Hospital in Beyruth. In our new quarters, we were a bit closer to the Muslim part of the city and it might have been thought that being closer to the bombings was a bad thing. But, it must be understood that the American hospital and university are considered as american territory, and thus, it isn't believed that Israel would send bombs here. The trip between Achrafyieh and Hamra was rich with emotion. The driver took small streets and just when we hit the highway, we heard bombings. We took the first exit. In passing, we saw a couple kissing on the side of the highway. It hit me that at moments like these, we realize that human relationships are the most important things in life. I wish i could have captured that moment on camera with the caption: "haven't we always thought that love is the solution for war?"
...
Sometimes, we remain surprised by the occasional news breakdown...but at the heart of it, the worst, is waiting. waiting for news, waiting for the day to end...the war has paralyzed us all. Everything that we were doing seems futile because we know that we will not be staying here.
...
Our building is now practically empty. The 20 other students that came from different parts of the world have already been evacuated. If i'm not wrong, there isn't more than 3 girls from France, one girl from Kuwait, one Sudanese and a Danish-Lebanese. As for us, its difficult to keep in touch with our ambassador because everyone is using the line at all times, and so the phone is always tied up. They keep sending us the same message: "Stay inside, do not move for anything, do not go to public places."... Yesterday we received our first call from them to tell us that there is a boat for the Canadians to leave on, starting tomorrow. Upon hearing this, we were already set to go...however, now, we have learned that they have to evacuate infants and people with priority first. It could take another couple of days for our turn to arrive.
On Saturday morning, we left the residence to live with the other Canadians in Hamra, in case of a possible evacuation of our group of interns. After leaving some superfluous baggage and packing the food we had purchased at the beginning of the week, Genvieve and i left our rooms and Vaughan accompanied us to live near to the American Hospital in Beyruth. In our new quarters, we were a bit closer to the Muslim part of the city and it might have been thought that being closer to the bombings was a bad thing. But, it must be understood that the American hospital and university are considered as american territory, and thus, it isn't believed that Israel would send bombs here. The trip between Achrafyieh and Hamra was rich with emotion. The driver took small streets and just when we hit the highway, we heard bombings. We took the first exit. In passing, we saw a couple kissing on the side of the highway. It hit me that at moments like these, we realize that human relationships are the most important things in life. I wish i could have captured that moment on camera with the caption: "haven't we always thought that love is the solution for war?"
...
Sometimes, we remain surprised by the occasional news breakdown...but at the heart of it, the worst, is waiting. waiting for news, waiting for the day to end...the war has paralyzed us all. Everything that we were doing seems futile because we know that we will not be staying here.
...
Our building is now practically empty. The 20 other students that came from different parts of the world have already been evacuated. If i'm not wrong, there isn't more than 3 girls from France, one girl from Kuwait, one Sudanese and a Danish-Lebanese. As for us, its difficult to keep in touch with our ambassador because everyone is using the line at all times, and so the phone is always tied up. They keep sending us the same message: "Stay inside, do not move for anything, do not go to public places."... Yesterday we received our first call from them to tell us that there is a boat for the Canadians to leave on, starting tomorrow. Upon hearing this, we were already set to go...however, now, we have learned that they have to evacuate infants and people with priority first. It could take another couple of days for our turn to arrive.
mardi, juillet 18, 2006
i'm not sure why i've been blogging so much recently--studying tends to be a good means to get the creative juices flowing. probably as a way of rebellion against the banality of textbooks.
i've been thinking a lot about Acts 16 recently. The way the apostle Paul and the other apostles/disciples lived their lives were so radical--so full of faith that God would direct them. i was talking to a friend today--he pretty much has an amazing job--but he mentioned briefly that it is really tiring. i hope its okay that i quote him here. i've done it before without his permission...he'll live. ha.
never knowing what to expect...we never get to do quite what we plan, and you never know who will show up or who wont...
as soon as he said this, i was reminded of Acts 16...
And they went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia. And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go to Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them. So, in passing by Mysia, they went down to Troas. And a vision appeared to Paul in the night: a man of Macedonia was standing there, urging him and saying, "Come over to Macedonia and help us." And when Paul had seen the vision, immediately we sought to go on into Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them.
These two things--God's word, and a friend's humble admittance to not being able to control everything in his job--reminded me that the life we are called to live is one of faith. Sometimes, things do not make sense; in her e-mail to montreal projectiles, Katerine mentioned that she and Vaughan had thought they would be in Lebanon for over a year...and just weeks into their internship, it looks like God is calling them back home. What is God up to here? i'm not sure they know, and i definitely do not know. but God knows. And thus, it requires faith to believe that the Sovereign God who rose from the dead, who knew He would die, but also knew that He would defeat death...has good plans for our lives. plans to prosper us and not to harm us. plans to give us a hope and a future.
This is a simple reminder, and yet, a hard one to live out. Going into my final year of university (everything checks out...looks like i'll be graduating!), there are many questions which remain unanswered wholly--where will i be next year? who will i keep in touch with? will i ever get married? where will i live? will i ever go overseas? will i ever have children?
In the midst of it all, the truth is, i am wholly incapable of controlling my life. i do not have all the answers--and i should not presume that the Lord will suddenly give me an Eureka! moment wherein which i will fly out of the tub and be renamed Archimedes. i am not called to know everything, or know the answers to WHY? WHEN? HOW? and every other question that my human mind shouts out.
i want to live a life of radical, sold out faith. This means getting out of the boat when i don't know if the water will hold me up. it means walking with the hope that God will direct. and lo, He does. But it requires me to get off my throne, and stop planning every single detail of my life out as though my plans are undefeatable. As though i don't need to wait for God before going into battle. Uhhh hello, Saul did that...and the result wasn't so great. Galatians makes it pretty clear that this does not work:
Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? ~Gal 3:3
it requires an admission that i need Him to direct me and guide me. that my heart is deceitful above all things, therefore requiring His Spirit to lead. to take control.
This, anon., is the answer to your question. i know its been a couple of weeks--but i had not forgotten that you asked this question of me. i acknowledge that this is not a full answer--but it is a partial one. i didn't want you to think that i had forgotten about the question you asked...namely "why is a spirit-filled life necessary".
sometime, when i am done exams, i will try answering it more in depth than this.
i've been thinking a lot about Acts 16 recently. The way the apostle Paul and the other apostles/disciples lived their lives were so radical--so full of faith that God would direct them. i was talking to a friend today--he pretty much has an amazing job--but he mentioned briefly that it is really tiring. i hope its okay that i quote him here. i've done it before without his permission...he'll live. ha.
never knowing what to expect...we never get to do quite what we plan, and you never know who will show up or who wont...
as soon as he said this, i was reminded of Acts 16...
And they went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia. And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go to Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them. So, in passing by Mysia, they went down to Troas. And a vision appeared to Paul in the night: a man of Macedonia was standing there, urging him and saying, "Come over to Macedonia and help us." And when Paul had seen the vision, immediately we sought to go on into Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them.
These two things--God's word, and a friend's humble admittance to not being able to control everything in his job--reminded me that the life we are called to live is one of faith. Sometimes, things do not make sense; in her e-mail to montreal projectiles, Katerine mentioned that she and Vaughan had thought they would be in Lebanon for over a year...and just weeks into their internship, it looks like God is calling them back home. What is God up to here? i'm not sure they know, and i definitely do not know. but God knows. And thus, it requires faith to believe that the Sovereign God who rose from the dead, who knew He would die, but also knew that He would defeat death...has good plans for our lives. plans to prosper us and not to harm us. plans to give us a hope and a future.
This is a simple reminder, and yet, a hard one to live out. Going into my final year of university (everything checks out...looks like i'll be graduating!), there are many questions which remain unanswered wholly--where will i be next year? who will i keep in touch with? will i ever get married? where will i live? will i ever go overseas? will i ever have children?
In the midst of it all, the truth is, i am wholly incapable of controlling my life. i do not have all the answers--and i should not presume that the Lord will suddenly give me an Eureka! moment wherein which i will fly out of the tub and be renamed Archimedes. i am not called to know everything, or know the answers to WHY? WHEN? HOW? and every other question that my human mind shouts out.
i want to live a life of radical, sold out faith. This means getting out of the boat when i don't know if the water will hold me up. it means walking with the hope that God will direct. and lo, He does. But it requires me to get off my throne, and stop planning every single detail of my life out as though my plans are undefeatable. As though i don't need to wait for God before going into battle. Uhhh hello, Saul did that...and the result wasn't so great. Galatians makes it pretty clear that this does not work:
Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? ~Gal 3:3
it requires an admission that i need Him to direct me and guide me. that my heart is deceitful above all things, therefore requiring His Spirit to lead. to take control.
This, anon., is the answer to your question. i know its been a couple of weeks--but i had not forgotten that you asked this question of me. i acknowledge that this is not a full answer--but it is a partial one. i didn't want you to think that i had forgotten about the question you asked...namely "why is a spirit-filled life necessary".
sometime, when i am done exams, i will try answering it more in depth than this.
an update on Katerine.
she's been faithfully sending AWESOME e-mails to keep us all updated..and i wish i could post them all--but since i'm not her, its not really my story to tell. But i will post some, and beseech you to continue to pray for the situation in Lebanon. Sorry, its in french, and i'm currently busy studying away...so i'll post it in french for now. when i have time, i'll translate it..but usually she sends an english translation. Her first paragrah is just beautiful...and so if french is something you CAN read, but choose not to...it may be good to struggle through it.
Samedi matin, nous avons dû partir de notre résidence pour aller vivre avec les autres Canadiennes à Hamra au cas où il y aurait une éventuelle évacuation de notre groupe de stagiaires. Après avoir abandonné quelques bagages superflus et rassemblé la bouffe que nous nous étions achetée au début de la semaine, nous avons abandonné nos chambres, moi, Geneviève, ainsi que Vaughan (qui tenait à nous accompagner) pour aller vivre près de l’Hôpital Américain de Beyruth. Dans notre nouveau quartier, nous sommes un peu plus près de la partie musulmane de la ville et on pourrait croire qu’être plus proche des bombardements est une mauvaise chose. Cependant, il faut comprendre que l’hôpital et l’université américaine sont considérés comme un territoire américain. On n’a donc pas à craindre qu’Israël y envoie des bombes… Le voyage entre Achrafyieh et Hamra était riche en émotions. Le chauffeur prenait des petites rues et, juste au moment où nous passions sur l’autoroute, nous avons entendu des explosions. Nous avons emprunté la première sortie. En passant, nous avons vu un couple s’embrasser sur le bord de l’autoroute. Ça m’a frappé à quel point dans des moments comme ça, on réalise que ce sont les relations humaines qui sont le plus importantes dans la vie. J’aurais voulu pouvoir capturer ce moment sur caméra avec la mention : « N’a-t-on pas toujours su que l’amour est la solution de la guerre? »
...
Parfois, on reste surpris par une occasionnelle panne de courant innattendue… Mais, au fond, le pire, c'est l'attente. Attendre des nouvelles, attendre que la journee passe... la guerre nous a comme tous paralyses. Tout ce que nous faisons semble sans but parce que nous savons que nous n’allons pas rester ici.
...
Notre immeuble est maintenant pratiquement vide. Les quelque 20 autres etudiants qui venaient d'un peu partout dans le monde ont tous deja ete evacues. Si je ne me trompe, il ne reste plus que les 3 filles de France, une Koweitienne, un Soudanais, et un Danois-libanais. Quant à nous, c’est assez difficile de rejoindre notre ambassade parce que tout le monde appelle en même temps et que la ligne est toujours occupée. Ils nous envoyaient toujours le même message : « Restez à l’intérieur, ne vous déplacez pas pour rien, n’allez pas dans les places publiques »… Hier, nous avons reçu notre premier appel d’eux pour nous dire qu’il y aura des bateaux pour les Canadiens à partir de demain.
À cette nouvelle, on s’était déjà tous mindé pour partir… sauf que maintenant, on a appris qu’ils vont faire partir les enfants et les gens prioritaires en premier… Ça peut prendre encore plusieurs jours avant que notre tour arrive.
she's been faithfully sending AWESOME e-mails to keep us all updated..and i wish i could post them all--but since i'm not her, its not really my story to tell. But i will post some, and beseech you to continue to pray for the situation in Lebanon. Sorry, its in french, and i'm currently busy studying away...so i'll post it in french for now. when i have time, i'll translate it..but usually she sends an english translation. Her first paragrah is just beautiful...and so if french is something you CAN read, but choose not to...it may be good to struggle through it.
Samedi matin, nous avons dû partir de notre résidence pour aller vivre avec les autres Canadiennes à Hamra au cas où il y aurait une éventuelle évacuation de notre groupe de stagiaires. Après avoir abandonné quelques bagages superflus et rassemblé la bouffe que nous nous étions achetée au début de la semaine, nous avons abandonné nos chambres, moi, Geneviève, ainsi que Vaughan (qui tenait à nous accompagner) pour aller vivre près de l’Hôpital Américain de Beyruth. Dans notre nouveau quartier, nous sommes un peu plus près de la partie musulmane de la ville et on pourrait croire qu’être plus proche des bombardements est une mauvaise chose. Cependant, il faut comprendre que l’hôpital et l’université américaine sont considérés comme un territoire américain. On n’a donc pas à craindre qu’Israël y envoie des bombes… Le voyage entre Achrafyieh et Hamra était riche en émotions. Le chauffeur prenait des petites rues et, juste au moment où nous passions sur l’autoroute, nous avons entendu des explosions. Nous avons emprunté la première sortie. En passant, nous avons vu un couple s’embrasser sur le bord de l’autoroute. Ça m’a frappé à quel point dans des moments comme ça, on réalise que ce sont les relations humaines qui sont le plus importantes dans la vie. J’aurais voulu pouvoir capturer ce moment sur caméra avec la mention : « N’a-t-on pas toujours su que l’amour est la solution de la guerre? »
...
Parfois, on reste surpris par une occasionnelle panne de courant innattendue… Mais, au fond, le pire, c'est l'attente. Attendre des nouvelles, attendre que la journee passe... la guerre nous a comme tous paralyses. Tout ce que nous faisons semble sans but parce que nous savons que nous n’allons pas rester ici.
...
Notre immeuble est maintenant pratiquement vide. Les quelque 20 autres etudiants qui venaient d'un peu partout dans le monde ont tous deja ete evacues. Si je ne me trompe, il ne reste plus que les 3 filles de France, une Koweitienne, un Soudanais, et un Danois-libanais. Quant à nous, c’est assez difficile de rejoindre notre ambassade parce que tout le monde appelle en même temps et que la ligne est toujours occupée. Ils nous envoyaient toujours le même message : « Restez à l’intérieur, ne vous déplacez pas pour rien, n’allez pas dans les places publiques »… Hier, nous avons reçu notre premier appel d’eux pour nous dire qu’il y aura des bateaux pour les Canadiens à partir de demain.
À cette nouvelle, on s’était déjà tous mindé pour partir… sauf que maintenant, on a appris qu’ils vont faire partir les enfants et les gens prioritaires en premier… Ça peut prendre encore plusieurs jours avant que notre tour arrive.
dimanche, juillet 16, 2006
wow. this is one bold and feisty girl.
and watch here (right click and save)
i love people who are bold for the gospel. and seriously...HOW many 18 year olds are bold about the gospel?
(haha, i say this as though i'm a million years old)
***
edit: so, i've started uploading previous blogs from my former blog site....its taking awhile...but i've finished all of august and september 2003. they can be found in the archives. its CRAAAZY looking back and reading my old thoughts. i'm pretty much glad that humans are always in a process of growth. i definitely am glad i'm not the same person i was back when i was 16/17...
***
In other news, the ongoings between Israel and Hezbollah really hadn't impacted me much ( i know..i am a failed peace and conflict studies student). Sometimes its easier to not listen to the news and pretend as though everything is okay--especially when its just so far away.
However, this time its not as easy to pretend its not real. The reason? My roommate from Montreal Project last year, Katerine, and her fiance, Vaughan (also a projectile) are currently in Lebanon (for those of you who went to Winter conference 2 years ago, yes, Katerine is the cute and bubbly Quebecoise who "swore" when she was speaking up front). i wanted to post excerpts of Katerine's e-mail to our team--so that the conflict becomes more real for all of us. So that we start praying. So that we start believing that our prayers will be answered on the other side of the world.
I feel like I'm living a nightmare that will soon end. War is an unreal concept for me even if I am right in the middle of it!
Everything happened so fast. It's unbelievable! Even last week, we were in Tripoli, visiting touristic sites. Today, they bombarded targets in Tripoli... nothing is the same anymore.
Before, we bought our groceries almost daily. Today, Genevieve (My fellow medical student) and I went to buy food for the whole following week. With the blockade of the borders imposed by Israel on Lebanon, they have absolutely nothing that can get in our out of the country. So, of course, we hope that this will stop soon... or else, we risk eating lots of rice the next few days! (This morning, at the grocerries store, everyone bought rice...) Israel bombarded the electrical centrals and most of Lebanon is in the dark. Happily, at our place, at the Foyer des Antonines, there is a generator, so we can still use the computer to write. They also warned us to use the less amount of water possible. The water reserves of the city could be attacked in the near future. We also hear on the news that Lebanon has only about 1 week of gas reserves left... So maybe even our rice will not be very useful if we cannot cook it on the gaz stoves... Long live the Pita bread sandwiches with hummus!
Here, I meet people with an empty gaze, as if I am at a burial service. However, I can also meet people with sparkling eyes. It's the difference between those who live again their past sufferings and those who chose to take it as ligthly as possible.
Usually, in the student room, we study neurology books. Today, we just talked... It's difficult to study when you know that the future of your country is in danger! I also had the occasion of talking with a student from a neighbouring department on the subject of faith and the existence of God. He was considering himself a believer, as most other Lebanese. It is incredible to see the level of religiosity of the Lebanese compared to Quebec. Of course, war must help people to think of life after death, the meaning of our existence and other big questions to which religion bring an answer. As for me, personnally, I persist in thinking that the most important thing is not to practice a religion, but to know God and live constantly in his presence, here or elsewhere, in times of peace as well as times of war...
"ask of Me and I will surely give the nations as your inheritance..." ~ps 2:8
and watch here (right click and save)
i love people who are bold for the gospel. and seriously...HOW many 18 year olds are bold about the gospel?
(haha, i say this as though i'm a million years old)
***
edit: so, i've started uploading previous blogs from my former blog site....its taking awhile...but i've finished all of august and september 2003. they can be found in the archives. its CRAAAZY looking back and reading my old thoughts. i'm pretty much glad that humans are always in a process of growth. i definitely am glad i'm not the same person i was back when i was 16/17...
***
In other news, the ongoings between Israel and Hezbollah really hadn't impacted me much ( i know..i am a failed peace and conflict studies student). Sometimes its easier to not listen to the news and pretend as though everything is okay--especially when its just so far away.
However, this time its not as easy to pretend its not real. The reason? My roommate from Montreal Project last year, Katerine, and her fiance, Vaughan (also a projectile) are currently in Lebanon (for those of you who went to Winter conference 2 years ago, yes, Katerine is the cute and bubbly Quebecoise who "swore" when she was speaking up front). i wanted to post excerpts of Katerine's e-mail to our team--so that the conflict becomes more real for all of us. So that we start praying. So that we start believing that our prayers will be answered on the other side of the world.
I feel like I'm living a nightmare that will soon end. War is an unreal concept for me even if I am right in the middle of it!
Everything happened so fast. It's unbelievable! Even last week, we were in Tripoli, visiting touristic sites. Today, they bombarded targets in Tripoli... nothing is the same anymore.
Before, we bought our groceries almost daily. Today, Genevieve (My fellow medical student) and I went to buy food for the whole following week. With the blockade of the borders imposed by Israel on Lebanon, they have absolutely nothing that can get in our out of the country. So, of course, we hope that this will stop soon... or else, we risk eating lots of rice the next few days! (This morning, at the grocerries store, everyone bought rice...) Israel bombarded the electrical centrals and most of Lebanon is in the dark. Happily, at our place, at the Foyer des Antonines, there is a generator, so we can still use the computer to write. They also warned us to use the less amount of water possible. The water reserves of the city could be attacked in the near future. We also hear on the news that Lebanon has only about 1 week of gas reserves left... So maybe even our rice will not be very useful if we cannot cook it on the gaz stoves... Long live the Pita bread sandwiches with hummus!
Here, I meet people with an empty gaze, as if I am at a burial service. However, I can also meet people with sparkling eyes. It's the difference between those who live again their past sufferings and those who chose to take it as ligthly as possible.
Tonight, Genevieve and I have been awakened by bombing between 3h and 5h AM. Happily, we are told that Israelis are quite accurate and they almost never miss their shot. For now, they only shoot the infrastructures like the bridges, the airport, the ports and the highways.
...
Usually, in the student room, we study neurology books. Today, we just talked... It's difficult to study when you know that the future of your country is in danger! I also had the occasion of talking with a student from a neighbouring department on the subject of faith and the existence of God. He was considering himself a believer, as most other Lebanese. It is incredible to see the level of religiosity of the Lebanese compared to Quebec. Of course, war must help people to think of life after death, the meaning of our existence and other big questions to which religion bring an answer. As for me, personnally, I persist in thinking that the most important thing is not to practice a religion, but to know God and live constantly in his presence, here or elsewhere, in times of peace as well as times of war...
"ask of Me and I will surely give the nations as your inheritance..." ~ps 2:8
samedi, juillet 15, 2006
links in the menu updated.
exciting adventures in lydialand.
- melancholy day. multiple reasons. went to bed with a heavy heart and woke up with one. but, i'm going to preach the gospel to myself and believe it.
- today i bought kale for the first time in my life. (yes, joshua robinson, you have converted me into a follower of this so called spinach-kale-fruit juice).
i was happy to learn that organic kale is the same price as regular kale.
this is pretty much sweet since i try to stick with organic produce.
- i'm addicted to this one song by the chemical brothers (block rockin' beats)...and i don't even know why.
- oh, i'm also loving Stars and Arcade Fire. yummilicious. YEEEAH to amaazing montreal bands!!
- i got yelled at in the bus yesterday by this man sitting across from me...AFTER i got up for an elderly woman. this is the story: i asked her if she wanted my seat, got up..and he yells "OF COURSE SHE WOULD" in a sarcastic voice. THEN when i asked if we had passed Jane, he tells me..OVER AND OVER again, that i'm on the Weston bus and that it doesn't go to Jane. I take a seat that becomes available..but five minutes later a woman and her two toddlers got on the bus, so i offered her my seat...and the man gives me this EVIL eye!!!
good thing there was a nice older woman who told me i was kind, and then informed me that i WAS indeed on the RIGHT bus.
sheesh.
- watched 4 episodes of 24 yesterday night...made me want to do something really clandestine. there was this hot girl who schooled everyone except Jack Bauer...AND even when she got socked in the face, she still looked hot. i'm jealous. she makes me want to be tall, have good hair and crazy eye makeup. unfortunately, i think i stopped growing when i was in grade 8, and i've been 5'3 for as long as i can remember. as for the hair...its coming back. everytime i see uncle ricky in montreal, i feel like slashing his tires (okay, not really..but i needed some sort of dramatic action)...but now that my hair has grown out, i'm feeling like i can forgive him. seventy times seven.
- Starfield's sophomore album is amazingly grand. great lyrics, great cacophony...it can't get much better. definitely not a disappointing sophomore album.
- what's this about Smashing Pumpkins being back together? And writing songs for another album? i guess i'm behind the times.
hearing about this brings me back to the days when i used to love love love the pumpkins and billy corgan. hmm. i haven't listened to them in a very very long time.
- montreal project women...i miss you! or i guess just wynja ninja...because you're the only one who reads this. ha.
- there are a lot of things i want to say...but the words are stuck in my throat. So, this boring update that you wasted 2 minutes of your life on will have to suffice for the day.
i'll leave you with this:
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
exciting adventures in lydialand.
- melancholy day. multiple reasons. went to bed with a heavy heart and woke up with one. but, i'm going to preach the gospel to myself and believe it.
- today i bought kale for the first time in my life. (yes, joshua robinson, you have converted me into a follower of this so called spinach-kale-fruit juice).
i was happy to learn that organic kale is the same price as regular kale.
this is pretty much sweet since i try to stick with organic produce.
- i'm addicted to this one song by the chemical brothers (block rockin' beats)...and i don't even know why.
- oh, i'm also loving Stars and Arcade Fire. yummilicious. YEEEAH to amaazing montreal bands!!
- i got yelled at in the bus yesterday by this man sitting across from me...AFTER i got up for an elderly woman. this is the story: i asked her if she wanted my seat, got up..and he yells "OF COURSE SHE WOULD" in a sarcastic voice. THEN when i asked if we had passed Jane, he tells me..OVER AND OVER again, that i'm on the Weston bus and that it doesn't go to Jane. I take a seat that becomes available..but five minutes later a woman and her two toddlers got on the bus, so i offered her my seat...and the man gives me this EVIL eye!!!
good thing there was a nice older woman who told me i was kind, and then informed me that i WAS indeed on the RIGHT bus.
sheesh.
- watched 4 episodes of 24 yesterday night...made me want to do something really clandestine. there was this hot girl who schooled everyone except Jack Bauer...AND even when she got socked in the face, she still looked hot. i'm jealous. she makes me want to be tall, have good hair and crazy eye makeup. unfortunately, i think i stopped growing when i was in grade 8, and i've been 5'3 for as long as i can remember. as for the hair...its coming back. everytime i see uncle ricky in montreal, i feel like slashing his tires (okay, not really..but i needed some sort of dramatic action)...but now that my hair has grown out, i'm feeling like i can forgive him. seventy times seven.
- Starfield's sophomore album is amazingly grand. great lyrics, great cacophony...it can't get much better. definitely not a disappointing sophomore album.
- what's this about Smashing Pumpkins being back together? And writing songs for another album? i guess i'm behind the times.
hearing about this brings me back to the days when i used to love love love the pumpkins and billy corgan. hmm. i haven't listened to them in a very very long time.
- montreal project women...i miss you! or i guess just wynja ninja...because you're the only one who reads this. ha.
- there are a lot of things i want to say...but the words are stuck in my throat. So, this boring update that you wasted 2 minutes of your life on will have to suffice for the day.
i'll leave you with this:
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
vendredi, juillet 14, 2006
i don't like plumbers.
or contractors.
or any strange men that have to come into my apartment when i'm alone to fix things.
our kitchen sink hasn't been draining for over a week now, so our landlord's son came to try and fix it. he came with his wife. they were a lovely couple. but he was definitely not a lovely fixer upper. i think he made it worse. now my sink drains...but not out and away. rather, it drains into a bucket underneath the sink.
so, my landlord has sent a plumber. the only thing is..i'm home alone, and i'm scared of strange men in my house. this is one of the only times i will ever say this aloud--i wish i had a boyfriend.
then he'd be pretty much obligated to be here and protect me from strange men.
but alas, i am boyfriendless (probably more by choice than anything else..although its also partially situational..so i can't really complain)...
of course, parentals would suffice as well. alas, my parentals are in deadmonton.
or just a friend that's a guy. too bad every guy friend of mine lives far away and has a life. job..life...same deal.
of course, a girlfriend would also suffice. i mean she'd have to be pretty buff to protect me...but two is better than one! However, we've established that i lack girlfriends. and any girlfriends i do have (i.e. roommates, girlfriends etc) are all out of town.
this leaves me to rely on my awesome and amazing kung-fu skills.
i mean..all chinese have kung-fu skills right? its in our blood. just in case, i'll put on a couple of extra rings. you know, not unlike J Lo in Enough.
** edit: okay, so after tonight...i realize... i do not need a boyfriend to protect me from plumbers.
parentals are nice, but they're not always going to be able to protect me from plumbers.
all i need is Jack Bauer to protect me.
OR become that crazy hot girl in season 4 who SCHOOLS everyone except jack bauer.
or contractors.
or any strange men that have to come into my apartment when i'm alone to fix things.
our kitchen sink hasn't been draining for over a week now, so our landlord's son came to try and fix it. he came with his wife. they were a lovely couple. but he was definitely not a lovely fixer upper. i think he made it worse. now my sink drains...but not out and away. rather, it drains into a bucket underneath the sink.
so, my landlord has sent a plumber. the only thing is..i'm home alone, and i'm scared of strange men in my house. this is one of the only times i will ever say this aloud--i wish i had a boyfriend.
then he'd be pretty much obligated to be here and protect me from strange men.
but alas, i am boyfriendless (probably more by choice than anything else..although its also partially situational..so i can't really complain)...
of course, parentals would suffice as well. alas, my parentals are in deadmonton.
or just a friend that's a guy. too bad every guy friend of mine lives far away and has a life. job..life...same deal.
of course, a girlfriend would also suffice. i mean she'd have to be pretty buff to protect me...but two is better than one! However, we've established that i lack girlfriends. and any girlfriends i do have (i.e. roommates, girlfriends etc) are all out of town.
this leaves me to rely on my awesome and amazing kung-fu skills.
i mean..all chinese have kung-fu skills right? its in our blood. just in case, i'll put on a couple of extra rings. you know, not unlike J Lo in Enough.
** edit: okay, so after tonight...i realize... i do not need a boyfriend to protect me from plumbers.
parentals are nice, but they're not always going to be able to protect me from plumbers.
all i need is Jack Bauer to protect me.
OR become that crazy hot girl in season 4 who SCHOOLS everyone except jack bauer.
jeudi, juillet 13, 2006
mardi, juillet 11, 2006
so i registered for my courses today.
had a crappy start time of 1pm and consequently was unable to get into physiology.
at that point, i audibly swore.
and then i laughed.
i haven't used profanity in my anger in a very long time. well..at least audibly. (i used it in written form....back in march i think..)
i mean, who gets angry because they can't get into physiology--especially when its not a requirement...just an interest.
i am a geek.
***
in other news, i love it when you make a decision and you feel at peace about it. even if it means having to combat either scylla or charybdis.
***
warren and i have a bet. i am simply writing it here to document that it is indeed a bet. and mark my words. in january, i will be announced the winner. if you want to know what it is, you'll have to ask me personally.
***
oh, and i ordered personal cheques today. you know you're old when you have a visa AND have personal cheques AND have to worry about things like clogged sinks.
had a crappy start time of 1pm and consequently was unable to get into physiology.
at that point, i audibly swore.
and then i laughed.
i haven't used profanity in my anger in a very long time. well..at least audibly. (i used it in written form....back in march i think..)
i mean, who gets angry because they can't get into physiology--especially when its not a requirement...just an interest.
i am a geek.
***
in other news, i love it when you make a decision and you feel at peace about it. even if it means having to combat either scylla or charybdis.
***
warren and i have a bet. i am simply writing it here to document that it is indeed a bet. and mark my words. in january, i will be announced the winner. if you want to know what it is, you'll have to ask me personally.
***
oh, and i ordered personal cheques today. you know you're old when you have a visa AND have personal cheques AND have to worry about things like clogged sinks.
The Precious Blood
Based on the Valley of Vision prayer, "The Precious Blood."
Words and Music by Peter Gagnon
Before the cross I kneel and see
The measure of my sin
How You became a curse for me
Though You were innocent
The magnitude of Your great love
Was shown in full degree
When righteous blood, the crimson spill
Rained down from Calvary
Oh, the precious blood
That flowed from Mercy’s side
Washed away my sin
When Christ my Savior died
Oh, the precious blood Of Christ the crucified
It speaks for me before Your throne
Where I stand justified
And who am I that I should know
This treasure of such worth
My Savior’s pure atoning blood
Shed for the wrath I’d earned
For sin has stained my every deed
My every word and thought
What wondrous love that makes me one
Your priceless blood has bought
A crown of thorns, pierced hands and feet
A body bruised, and Mercy’s plea
***
The grass was green and the air smelled of rain. As i walked home today, listening to this song...i found myself at a lack of words. there were so many words. but there was only one thing i could say. thank-you.
it was amazingly beautiful, and all i could do was sob and cry out thank-you, to my Saviour and my God.
on Canada day, it was pouring and i was standing under a tree with a friend. the grass was green and the air smelled of rain. and he said a string of beautiful words. "it will be a terrifying few moments, as i stand there. filthy because of my sin and ashamed as everything i have ever done--things that only God and i know about--are revealed. it will be terrifying as the gavel comes down. and amazing when i am declared free."*
he doesn't know this...but those words were stunningly powerful. they hit at my heart, and for the first time in a long time, i saw myself as dirty. vulnerable. unable to do anything to free myself. knowing and seeing are different things. and it was then, in the rain, that i SAW myself pierce His hands.
i saw His blood spill on me and wash me clean.
the grass is green and the rain has brought refreshment to a dry and thirsty ground.
* Lydia paraphrase...she can't remember the exact words.. this is an unsuccessful attempt in capturing the beauty of the phrase.
Based on the Valley of Vision prayer, "The Precious Blood."
Words and Music by Peter Gagnon
Before the cross I kneel and see
The measure of my sin
How You became a curse for me
Though You were innocent
The magnitude of Your great love
Was shown in full degree
When righteous blood, the crimson spill
Rained down from Calvary
Oh, the precious blood
That flowed from Mercy’s side
Washed away my sin
When Christ my Savior died
Oh, the precious blood Of Christ the crucified
It speaks for me before Your throne
Where I stand justified
And who am I that I should know
This treasure of such worth
My Savior’s pure atoning blood
Shed for the wrath I’d earned
For sin has stained my every deed
My every word and thought
What wondrous love that makes me one
Your priceless blood has bought
A crown of thorns, pierced hands and feet
A body bruised, and Mercy’s plea
***
The grass was green and the air smelled of rain. As i walked home today, listening to this song...i found myself at a lack of words. there were so many words. but there was only one thing i could say. thank-you.
it was amazingly beautiful, and all i could do was sob and cry out thank-you, to my Saviour and my God.
on Canada day, it was pouring and i was standing under a tree with a friend. the grass was green and the air smelled of rain. and he said a string of beautiful words. "it will be a terrifying few moments, as i stand there. filthy because of my sin and ashamed as everything i have ever done--things that only God and i know about--are revealed. it will be terrifying as the gavel comes down. and amazing when i am declared free."*
he doesn't know this...but those words were stunningly powerful. they hit at my heart, and for the first time in a long time, i saw myself as dirty. vulnerable. unable to do anything to free myself. knowing and seeing are different things. and it was then, in the rain, that i SAW myself pierce His hands.
i saw His blood spill on me and wash me clean.
the grass is green and the rain has brought refreshment to a dry and thirsty ground.
* Lydia paraphrase...she can't remember the exact words.. this is an unsuccessful attempt in capturing the beauty of the phrase.
lundi, juillet 10, 2006
vendredi, juillet 07, 2006
so i made the decision. i'm going to start rowing again this summer. ballet ends at the end of the month, and i've felt really sluggish lately. since i have no other commitments other than praise team (and even this is at an all time low) and school...this is the prime opportunity to get some exercise in and some time on the water.
i've missed the feeling of being up before the sun..and watching it rise while being on the water.
cheers to summer. and to rowing. i'm glad to be able to get back into a sport i once dearly loved.
i've missed the feeling of being up before the sun..and watching it rise while being on the water.
cheers to summer. and to rowing. i'm glad to be able to get back into a sport i once dearly loved.
lundi, juillet 03, 2006
i loved the comment anonymous made a couple of days ago on my blog--i'll quote it here, and then respond to it, because i thought it was a great statement. i don't agree with the full statement, but i love it nonetheless. ( i hope this is okay anonymous!)
I think, and this isn't an attack on you or anything like that, that to a degree that happens with a lot of people, but not specifically gospel. It could be music, or reading, or writing, or whatever - just something that seems to explain "what it's about" for you.
I don't think, at this point in my life, the gospel will ever do it for me.~ anonymous
i agree with you, anonymous, in that this desire to keep on discovering, to keep on creating, to desire more occurs with a lot of people--not just Christ-followers who decide to place their trust in God and, consequently, the gospel. as a musician/dancer (if i can call myself these things), there is a mystery in music and dance, something that i can't explain; in the course of human history, i don't know a single artist (i use this term liberally to encompass all types of human creators/inventors) who can truthfully say they have reached the climax of art, and life. i don't know any human being who can say that there is nothing more to be discovered. this, to me, is the process of life--searching and longing for truth and ultimate beauty. and you are right--it isn't a desire that is solely confined to the Christian world.
at the same time though, i would say that this desire to discover, this desire to know MORE, just points to our own inadequacies of reaching perfection. because the artist is rarely fully satisfied at his painting, the musician always knows that there exists something to be tweaked, the dancer knows that creating lines with the body is an art that is never perfected--EVEN though we can come close. there always seems to be something lacking. something wanting. No matter how beautiful the things we create are, we always have a desire to create more..to become better...SO that we can KNOW perfection.
to me, these desires to know more, these hopes of reaching perfection, point to a deeper need we have.
and i believe that this deeper need is a relationship to a Perfect Being. to the Ultimate of ultimates. to the Author and Perfecter. You see, i believe that we were created with an innate longing to KNOW the truth. to have a relationship with the Perfect God. to desire the most magnificent artist of all time. On our own, we can hope and aspire to become perfect--but ultimately, there must be an acknowlegement that no matter how hard we try, we seem to be tainted, if only minutely.
but the beauty of the gospel is that as humans, we CAN have a relationship with Perfection. But, it doesn't come as we might think it would; it doesn't come by US becoming perfect. Rather, this relationship stems from accepting that Perfection reached down to us. that He became a human and lived a perfect life in an imperfect world, SO that we could know Him. And, not only did Jesus live a perfect life, He also paid the penalty for all our imperfections by dying as a final sacrifice. He did this so that we might be seen as perfect...clean... so that we could exist in eternity with the Perfect God. this to me, is beautiful and magical.
i know that there are those, like yourself, anonymous, who say that the gospel won't do it for you. and so i'd ask you, not as an attack, but as a genuine question...what do you consider to be the gospel?
because, if i might be blunt, i believe that the gospel is the ONLY thing that will do it for you. the thing is, just like a piece of music, or a piece of art..it won't "do it" for you, if you do not allow it to. if a listener doesn't let herself become vulnerable to the music, and always remains critical, keeping her guard up, the splendour of notes will never be allowed to overwhelm her senses. and its the same with the gospel. its an invitation that God has given us. but we have to make a choice and take it. until we've tasted the cake, its not for us to make that call that the cake couldn't possibly taste good. admittedly, swallowing the gospel is hard--its an acknowledgement that we are not capable of attaining the mark of perfection. its an acknowledgement that we, as humanity, are needy. these are hard things to admit..but beautiful things, because with the gospel, comes the taste of liberation and freedom. the price is worth it.
I think, and this isn't an attack on you or anything like that, that to a degree that happens with a lot of people, but not specifically gospel. It could be music, or reading, or writing, or whatever - just something that seems to explain "what it's about" for you.
I don't think, at this point in my life, the gospel will ever do it for me.~ anonymous
i agree with you, anonymous, in that this desire to keep on discovering, to keep on creating, to desire more occurs with a lot of people--not just Christ-followers who decide to place their trust in God and, consequently, the gospel. as a musician/dancer (if i can call myself these things), there is a mystery in music and dance, something that i can't explain; in the course of human history, i don't know a single artist (i use this term liberally to encompass all types of human creators/inventors) who can truthfully say they have reached the climax of art, and life. i don't know any human being who can say that there is nothing more to be discovered. this, to me, is the process of life--searching and longing for truth and ultimate beauty. and you are right--it isn't a desire that is solely confined to the Christian world.
at the same time though, i would say that this desire to discover, this desire to know MORE, just points to our own inadequacies of reaching perfection. because the artist is rarely fully satisfied at his painting, the musician always knows that there exists something to be tweaked, the dancer knows that creating lines with the body is an art that is never perfected--EVEN though we can come close. there always seems to be something lacking. something wanting. No matter how beautiful the things we create are, we always have a desire to create more..to become better...SO that we can KNOW perfection.
to me, these desires to know more, these hopes of reaching perfection, point to a deeper need we have.
and i believe that this deeper need is a relationship to a Perfect Being. to the Ultimate of ultimates. to the Author and Perfecter. You see, i believe that we were created with an innate longing to KNOW the truth. to have a relationship with the Perfect God. to desire the most magnificent artist of all time. On our own, we can hope and aspire to become perfect--but ultimately, there must be an acknowlegement that no matter how hard we try, we seem to be tainted, if only minutely.
but the beauty of the gospel is that as humans, we CAN have a relationship with Perfection. But, it doesn't come as we might think it would; it doesn't come by US becoming perfect. Rather, this relationship stems from accepting that Perfection reached down to us. that He became a human and lived a perfect life in an imperfect world, SO that we could know Him. And, not only did Jesus live a perfect life, He also paid the penalty for all our imperfections by dying as a final sacrifice. He did this so that we might be seen as perfect...clean... so that we could exist in eternity with the Perfect God. this to me, is beautiful and magical.
i know that there are those, like yourself, anonymous, who say that the gospel won't do it for you. and so i'd ask you, not as an attack, but as a genuine question...what do you consider to be the gospel?
because, if i might be blunt, i believe that the gospel is the ONLY thing that will do it for you. the thing is, just like a piece of music, or a piece of art..it won't "do it" for you, if you do not allow it to. if a listener doesn't let herself become vulnerable to the music, and always remains critical, keeping her guard up, the splendour of notes will never be allowed to overwhelm her senses. and its the same with the gospel. its an invitation that God has given us. but we have to make a choice and take it. until we've tasted the cake, its not for us to make that call that the cake couldn't possibly taste good. admittedly, swallowing the gospel is hard--its an acknowledgement that we are not capable of attaining the mark of perfection. its an acknowledgement that we, as humanity, are needy. these are hard things to admit..but beautiful things, because with the gospel, comes the taste of liberation and freedom. the price is worth it.
dimanche, juillet 02, 2006
a random shout out to my dear friend Joshua Robinson's mum, who i hear has read my blog before! hi mrs. robinson!!
^_^
***
in other news, a brief question, which i may have asked before..i'm not too sure.
do physically beautiful/hot people KNOW they are hot? when they look at themselves in the mirror do they think to themselves, "wow...i am such a good looking person"? of course, this requires a generalization--because i'm sure not EVERY single good looking person would do that...but as a whole...do they? when you look in the mirror, do you generally think to yourself, "wow, (insert name of self here), you are FIIIIIINE!"
^_^
***
in other news, a brief question, which i may have asked before..i'm not too sure.
do physically beautiful/hot people KNOW they are hot? when they look at themselves in the mirror do they think to themselves, "wow...i am such a good looking person"? of course, this requires a generalization--because i'm sure not EVERY single good looking person would do that...but as a whole...do they? when you look in the mirror, do you generally think to yourself, "wow, (insert name of self here), you are FIIIIIINE!"
samedi, juillet 01, 2006
Montreal Debrief Thought #2
The gospel is magical. The spirit-filled life is magical. i find God and His Word to be a bit like Turkish Delight--once you've tasted, you always want more. But unlike Turkish Delight, you never get tired of it, and it always seems new. That, to me, is magical.
i love how you can KNOW Scripture, you can KNOW the gospel and yet discover that you really don't know all that much--and that as you uncover the mystery, it becomes even more of a mystery. i love how even the simple things will "click" time and time again, and can radically change a life.
This summer, i felt as though i understood the Spirit-filled life. its as though it clicked--i now understood its necessity. i understood its power. i stood in awe. its not as though i didn't understand it before--i did. but this time i UNDERSTOOD it. And i have a feeling that there will be a day in the future, where i will realize again that i understood it in a way i hadn't before.
that, to me, is magic. it seems crazy to think that once you've peeled away one layer, there is another layer to work at, to be astounded by, to desire to peel away.
it is the beauty of who God is--that even little children can be impacted and allured by His love...but that even those of highest intellect can be drawn to His feet as well.
The gospel is magical. The spirit-filled life is magical. i find God and His Word to be a bit like Turkish Delight--once you've tasted, you always want more. But unlike Turkish Delight, you never get tired of it, and it always seems new. That, to me, is magical.
i love how you can KNOW Scripture, you can KNOW the gospel and yet discover that you really don't know all that much--and that as you uncover the mystery, it becomes even more of a mystery. i love how even the simple things will "click" time and time again, and can radically change a life.
This summer, i felt as though i understood the Spirit-filled life. its as though it clicked--i now understood its necessity. i understood its power. i stood in awe. its not as though i didn't understand it before--i did. but this time i UNDERSTOOD it. And i have a feeling that there will be a day in the future, where i will realize again that i understood it in a way i hadn't before.
that, to me, is magic. it seems crazy to think that once you've peeled away one layer, there is another layer to work at, to be astounded by, to desire to peel away.
it is the beauty of who God is--that even little children can be impacted and allured by His love...but that even those of highest intellect can be drawn to His feet as well.
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